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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/willwilcox
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277 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Polygon Men  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dreams are strange, some are hidden within us and only come out at night. This dream takes us on a whirlwind ride through the streets of London, running for our lives from deadly, demented, alien geometric shapes (a twist from the normal grays with big eyes). A good, creative write worth your time to read.
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Review of Smoke  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent. This is a superb tale of future horror. I loved how you purposefully misspelled words to make it all the more realistic and creepy. In a Stephen King vein, you have approached the story with a similarity to 'CELL' (my all time favorite). Very good work that I highly recommend to everyone.
-WDWilcox
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
First of all, thank you Neva for entering my brand new contest. This was a chilling tale and just what i was looking for. I liked your line, 'spiders crawling up her spine.'

I noticed a couple of minor errors:

The door squeaked open, revealing the sitting setting sun shining through a broken window pain onto the cracked linoleum floor.

Shana woke up, sit sat straight up, and looked around.

Shana's eyelids fluttered and closed. From behind the couch, a two hands appeared.

Shana grabbed at the hand around her neck, trying to pry the finger(s) loose.

Nevertheless, a good entry. Thank you.
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good one, Inky. Very well done indeed. I saw something in that first paragraph that kinda put me off. You used the word 'against' twice in the same sentence.
'Whatever Marty had come up against, his advanced fighting skills proved to be worthless against the meticulous maniac'

Nevertheless, I enjoyed your tale immensely. Especially with lines like:
'Now though, Sam was merely in a holding pattern awaiting sweet death, but for all intents and purposes, poor Sam essentially died the same night his wife did.'

I love that. Good writing and an excellent entry.
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Review of The Eyes Have It  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
You got some real twisteroo going with this one, my friend. You get better every time I read you. Another good write filled with black comedy only The Angus could deliver, and deliver you did. You get a perfect five *Star*s for this one. Keep 'em coming!
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Review of #WritersRepresent  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
mcakes,
I could feel your honesty in this piece. It's good to vent and there is always someone out there that feels the same and can relate to your words. As far as people caring about the writer, I think the characters you create will outlive what people think of the author. Harry Potter will outlive J.K.Rowling, Edward and Bella will outlive Stephenie Myers. It's just the way it is. Good characters are remembered more than the people who created them.
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Review of The Cat's Meow  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Winchester,
I saw your update and thought I'd check out your work. In short, it's good. It felt real, gritty, true-to-life. I like that. I stumbled on the first sentence, it didn't read right in my mind. Maybe it does in yours. Just my opinion. You said,
“Don’t believe their lies,”the man next to me said. He was young, maybe forty, forty-five.
I think there's too much there. Instead try saying, "Don’t believe their lies,” said the middle-aged man next to me.
Just a thought. It reads better, has better flow.
All the best,
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Joanne,
I read your little Halloween tale and liked it a lot. You kept the mystery going throughout which I thought was brilliant. The ending was superb and of course unexpected as all good horror stories should be. My only beef was the amount of errors I saw. Even the last line line, the line with all the punch, had an error:
"Raising the knife his above his head, dark malice shone in his eyes. "I love you son." The blade came slashing down."
Way too many 'his' in there for my liking.
Still, the story has great promise if coddled a bit. My suggestion would be to read it out loud as you edit. Usually the errors will make themselves known.
I will feature this story in the mid-March Horror Newsletter. And congrats on your awards for this tale. My thought is, with such a pretty awardicon adorning your item, just make sure it has been thoroughly proofread. Anyone who can write this good must also be a perfectionist, no? *Smile*
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Review of Henry  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
You got a nice easy flow to your writing. Reminds me of me actually. But hey, we're both ol' timers around here. I enjoyed Henry. I even wish that you had really sat down and talked to him. It's funny the real lessons we miss, or pass-up, in life.Hindsight, that's what they call it. Me, I call it possibilities missed. Like that cute girl you had a hankering for in High School but were too bashful to ask out. And then later on you discover she was easy, everybody was doing her and you were just too damn stupid to see it. Yeah, hindsight.
A good read my friend. Keep in touch.
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dragon,
What a fun read! I was thinking werewolf, but was pleasantly surprised at your creation of an all new horror. Good job! I also liked how you kept your creature secret until the very end. It's like a figure you see on the fringes of a dream and are not quite sure it's there or what it looks like. *Thumbsup*
I will be featuring this in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter.
-Bill
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Review of Screams  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Shattered,
I thought this little horror was top-notch. It needs work like most stories do, but you have a good grip on horror and this tale has plenty of chills and spills. My only concern was how the story seemed to rush at the end. Events collided way too fast when you should have slowed it down and explained things better. In my experience, I've found that if your reader can make some sort of emotional connection with your main character then the more they will care what the outcome will bring. Develope you character more, let us see what is inside his head and why he behaves in this manner. All serial killers have a past that drives them to do what they do. I think you need that background here, this will help create that emotional connection. Perhaps he was beat or tortured as a child by his parents and told it was for his own good. Something of that sort will help flesh out your killer and help us to understand his motives. Let us see inside his head more.
Nevertheless, I will be featuring this in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter, in the hopes that you will glean more and helpful reviews. *Thumbsup*
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Top-notch work Adam, very good indeed.
Your tale was engaging and a delight to read. I saw no errors and was impressed with your descriptions and your flair for dialogue.
Might I suggest you putting a link at the bottom leading to Part II. That and a friendly headsup about me featuring this piece in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter.
All the best,
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was great. Loved it all the way through.
In the next Horror/Scary Newsletter, I'll be doing a theme based on the plight of zombies. And this piece of yours is just made to order. So I'll be featuring it in the hopes that you glean more reads and reviews.
All the best, and congrats
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Superb. An excellent little tale of a young girls supernatural abilities and a loving father that is...how should I say...a bit disturbed?
Ryan has a knack for writing good horror and sci-fi. I have added him to my favorites list. After reading his work, I'm sure you will too.

I will feature this in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter.
Congrats Mr. Harris!
-W.D.
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Review of The Asylum  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow,
Okay, Becca, stop reading my stories! I think they're starting to rot your brain (LOL)*Laugh*
This was very good, darlin'. I am amazed that a 15-year-old could write this well. I did notice a blooper though...'the [they] turned the voltage on the lowest ...'
I saw someone gave you a 3*Star* review. Don't take it to heart. This is good stuff and you write better than most adults I've read here. Keep it up and you'll be giving your 'old man' a run for his money.*Thumbsup*
Love ya ,honey
-Dad *Cool*
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Review of this christmas  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Rachel,
You really got me on that one. Very sad, but happy too in a solemn way. My favorite line was: :the truth that i have found is that baby we are christmas"
That brought a smile of knowing to my face and a warm heartfelt nudge inside.
Thank you for sharing this,
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Go down, Moses! What an awesome poem! When I read your stuff the pictures painted are perfectly clear, the emotions heavily felt. You are very good at this. Don't ever stop. Don't ever dawdle, but continue to weave. I see great things for you...can you say a published book of poems?
To anyone who publicly reads this, give yourself a great gift and read the poetry written by this author. You will be amazed and come away better than when you started.
-W.D.Wilcox
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, Rachel...that was so beautiful. I didn't know you had that in you, girl. Of course the gypsy shoes reminded me of some of the wonderful colors you wear on an everyday basis, but still, I was deeply moved by your words, the picture you painted of life and family, truly amazing.
-Will

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Review of Having My Cake  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Lou,
I hate bugs...always have. I found this piece of flash very creepy-crawlie--not because of the roaches--but because the character still wanted that chocolate cake.
Write On, an exceptional piece of cake-ish horror and the sickly-sweet mind of a character that has frosted over his true addiction.*Cool*
-Bill
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo! Well said, and you drove the point home hard with that last line about the Bible being the #1 Seller of all time. And I liked your example using Ezekiel. Myself, I tend to like the imagery in Revelations. It's awesome and awe inspired writing.
~Bill
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Review of Some Dreams  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Shadowspawn,
It has been a while since last we talked. How are you my friend?

I have just finished your story and am it awe of the realism you have created here. Once it got going, I couldn't stop reading. It is crafted well enough to be publishable and I can only hope that you have tried to do something with it.

I have saved it to my favorites and next month will feature it in the Action/Adventure Newsletter. I am also awarding it a much deserved ribbon. Well done, my friend. Very well done.
~Bill
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Review of A Hallucination  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey, Dave!
I thought I'd drop on by and check out some of your writing. The first thing I noticed was that you didn't use too much description, and most of what you described was kind of blan. Like 'The street seemed normal' or 'Like monsters'. You never really describe what they look like. And some of your sentences are fragments, like, 'The trees now. Their branches bowing across the pavement. Groping for me.'

I think you should try to make the reader be in the scene with you, and the only way to do that is to stir them emotionally somehow--make them feel what you are going through.

I hope this helps,
~W.D.
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
What a wonderfully creepy idea! I loved it. But, man, you gotta doctor it up some, you got commas floating around by themselves and such. And you rushed the ending. Let the whole thing play out--slow time down and let the Yoder House scene unfold in all its horrific creepiness...lol. You are a natural. Just take your time and describe things as if it was you standing there. Your writing will improve and your stories will easily become five *Star*.
I wanted to thank you for emailing me about my last Horror Newsletter, "We Are What We Write". I am featuring your email as well as this story in the next issue. Congrats!
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Review of Shadowed Secrets  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I think that this is a good chunk of writing. I'm impressed with how you were able to build the tension in the story several times without being repetitive. When she turned into a Kung-Fu Momma, you kinda lost me, but quickly brought it all back home. As for the ending, might I suggest she crawl under the bed to confront the Shadowed Evil and, as before, give it something it doesn't expect. I think that kind of courage is present in a mother, and would like to see you end it that way. Whether she makes it back alive or not is up to you. Anyway, I remember the email you sent me regarding my last edition of the Horror Newsletter, "We Are What We Write". I have included that email and this story in the next issue. Best of luck with this story, I'm sure it will be fabulous.
~Bill
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Review of CiCi  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
jewelz,
This was hilarious. You had me right from the start. I saw a coupla things that need fixing, like “You mean are breast?” It should be 'our' breast. And, “Well, I am being[beginning] to wonder myself."
On top of all that, you were late with your entry so I cannot award you first place. But everyone that enters here is a winner...
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