I saw your update and thought I'd check out your work. In short, it's good. It felt real, gritty, true-to-life. I like that. I stumbled on the first sentence, it didn't read right in my mind. Maybe it does in yours. Just my opinion. You said,
“Don’t believe their lies,”the man next to me said. He was young, maybe forty, forty-five.
I think there's too much there. Instead try saying, "Don’t believe their lies,” said the middle-aged man next to me.
Just a thought. It reads better, has better flow.
All the best,