| This story has potential, but there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. Break apart most of the sentences into smaller ones and leave out the parts that appear more than once. Also tell the reader why Ka:u set Kamin on fire and sent the villagers and Utin running. Give the 'Rocky' near the end of the third paragraph a lower case 'r', that is unless it is the name of the stream. There are countless grammar errors, but with a little proofreading and editing it can be fixed.
This item has a great story to tell. With the editing it can be made better.
I hope you found this review helpful in this and your future items. Keep writing and have fun at WDC!
~ Howler of the Moon