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321 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of End of Summer  
Review by winklett
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your writer's cramp win today! This was a fun poem that met the prompt perfectly!

Amy
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great response to my (admittedly) ignorantly unscientific Writer's Cramp prompt. You have a great writing style that keeps your reader's interest and tells the story with clear, concise language and great dialogue, with the added benefit of scientific facts. Bravo!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats on your writer's cramp win today. Very clever poem!
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Review of Preparation  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the way this looks on the page, and how you've developed the poem. It builds in line length as it adds meaning and images. The short phrases and single words separated by periods adds to its stark, empty tone.

My favorite line is: Two Bits for Fare. Red Light Pallor.
because it adds dimension and is indirect.

The last three words, separated by wide spaces, add to this too. I'm so sorry for your loss.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Tear Soup  
Review by winklett
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a lovely way to remember your mother. I like how you include both edible and inedible elements (and words themselves, as in the lyrics to Yankee Doodle Dandy) as ingredients in your recipe. It feels soft and sad at the same time. The 2nd to last stanza is particularly powerful, with the tears taking longer to boil than anything else.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is lovely and at the same time sharp. I like how you've used visuals (with shortened lines and the spacing in 'slowbeats') to emphasize and bring alive your meaning. The word "icebox" brings your reader back to your father's day and time - I remember my own father saying it, and his mother as well -- and how their generation shoved their pain and feelings "to the back of the shelf," as you describe. Love how the glacier melts and thaws in the last stanza. It feels like a great fatherly affection.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A sweet-sounding, yet sorrow poem. I like how you use both external and internal rhyme in your description of the willow, and then in the last stanza turn philosophical in emphasizing the impermanence of everything. Weeping willows are my favorite trees, and around here they are just starting to turn the yellow-green of spring.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of April  
Review by winklett
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a clever raincloud shaped-poem! I enjoyed reading your take on April Showers while successfully avoiding. Great use of alliteration and assonance...your poem seems to gather speed as it goes along, much as water would running down a mountain stream in spring. Best of luck to you in the "The Taboo Words Contest ~ On Hiatus.
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for entry "A Mosquito's Plea
Review by winklett
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought your mosquito poem was incredibly clever!
One drop of blood, yes -- but a lot of itching lol
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Review of Addicted to ABBA  
Review by winklett
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ha! This is fun and very clever. Love how you wove "mama mia" into the poem, and the end is a great bonus...I was even thinking in the beginning "well at least it's not Barry Manilow!" Hahaha

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Review by winklett
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a fun read....my son's name is Jonah, so I was naturally curious about your poem. I especially liked the humor of "no pizza, beer, or TV shoes." I think you could expand it and tell what happened to Jonah after the whale spit him out.
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Review of Poetry  
Review by winklett
Rated: E | (5.0)
Don't know why this has no ratings but I'll remedy that right now. Wonderful work! I hope you keep writing.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another goodie. And another cool form I've never heard of and now want to try. I'm loving your work. Who the heck gave this 3 stars?

This reads like a Moody Blues song - you've woven lyrics, methinks. I felt compelled to read it several times, to savor the phrasing and taste the sounds. I love questions in a poem, especially when they evoke images. And that last couplet is stunning: "senses breach the fences of compromise" is such a uniquely crafted idea. Nothing trite here. Thanks so much for sharing!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of To May  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You're now one of my official "favorites." I love when poets try different forms as well as free verse, and you're so good at it! You don't reach for fancy language or over-wrought metaphor, and nothing feels forced.

I kind of want the butterfly to be a she. Can the butterfly be a she?

With all that rhyme it could easy fall into the realm of sing-song-y tripe. But no! It's very sweet - and never saccharine - with a wink at the end. Nice!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of December  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
OOOh this is lovely. I'd love to try this form, because yours is inspiring with its gentle flow and crisp, inventive images. I do love a fireplace, and could almost feel the warmth from the one you've conjured. Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Fellow writer's cramp-er here. I really enjoyed reading your dystopian short story. It flowed very well and held my interest all the way through, and you worked the required phrases in seamlessly. I wonder if it could be expanded into a larger tale. I want to know what happened, and whether they find freedom! Thanks for sharing.

Amy
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Review of Recipe  
Review by winklett
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hahahaha! Loved it. A well-deserved first place in the Humorous Poetry contest!

Amy
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Review of Soon  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Love that shiny black ribbon - well deserved. The perspective of 'soon' as a thousand years away is appropriately jarring, though maybe you could take it even father and make it a million. Would that be even more powerful? Maybe not. I'm nitpicking, because this doesn't have much to pick apart.

I did kind of want the lines broken up differently. For example, you've got:

The moth moved apparently aimlessly
amid the motionless mannequins of the mausoleum.
Corpses clad in transparent parchment,
fine thin and brittle, long dead and dusty,
grinned or gaped, without mirth
in silence stretching eternally.

There's so much alliteration and sound-play that you could stand more of it on its own, to slow it down for impact...maybe some visual onomatopoeia (with "fine" and "thin" standing alone), like this for an example:

The moth moved
apparently aimlessly
amid the motionless mannequins
of the mausoleum.

Corpses clad in
transparent parchment,
fine
thin
and brittle, long dead and
dusty, grinned or gaped,
without mirth
in silence
stretching eternally.

I especially liked how you anthropomorphize the light, here:

Light trod hesitantly here, faltered and,
died

...though I wouldn't put a comma after "and" -- you don't really need it, especially since you separate the next thought with a line break.

Also, you use "amid" twice in the second line of both stanzas one and two; I wonder if another word in one spot or the other would work better and avoid repetition.

I think the poem's greatest accomplishment is in asking "when," providing an answer, and still not revealing *what* is going to happen when the thousand years are gone- yet providing enough detail and mood for the reader to imagine any number of dark answers.

Kudos!

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Joshua  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello!

I found your story while doing a "random read." I'm glad I did! I loved the idea of a couple finding one another from a past life.

I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs, for an easier reading experience.

Some edits: In this sentence: "Weeks past, and I found a quaint little apartment on Chop Drive, called, East Chop Harbor Front Apartments. For once in my life, I was totally happy."

You want the word "passed," not "past." And no comma is needed after the word "called."

Also, you say: "We grew closer each day and spent most of our time together." I think this is a good opportunity to flesh out the story. Your reader will care more about the characters if you include some more context here.

Toward the end you say: "He left me because he was married and could not leave his wife because of their children." Again, I feel this is an opportunity to add more detail and make the tale more compelling.

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope this review has been helpful.

Write on!

Amy




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Old Navy Buttons  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!
I found this poem from doing a random read & review. I'm so glad I did! Love the flow of ideas and rhythm of the words. I like how it's full of questions, the way photos always seem to be -- moments in time that expand to mean so much more. Your rhymes don't feel forced and your ideas are simple yet relatable. Thank you for sharing!

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!
I enjoyed your poem about leaves in the stream. As a big fan of being in nature and around water, I was drawn to your piece. I like how you've used repetition of your initial stanza and how it weaves through the other images and feelings described, giving it a song-like quality. However, I found myself wondering why you added "float on and on in your way" for the last two repetitions but did not include that line in the beginning.

Loved the second stanza, how "from the inside out" made me see a leaf in the stream and at the same time introduced a more metaphorical reading of the line, that of searching for answers internally. "Behind the dawn" is an especially inventive phrase.

In the second to the last stanza, you say "So relax/Beauties eternal" and I think you mean "Beauty's eternal" (as in "beauty is eternal").

I think the poem could be tightened a bit for clarity of thought - "your hair up my sleeve," for instance, doesn't call forth a clear image of what you want to portray. And "Endless love" has become a trite phrase from overuse. Maybe try to find a way to say it in a unique way, as you did with "behind the dawn."

Overall, I found it to be an lovely, impressionistic poem that gave me a peaceful feeling.

Write on!

Amy



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Destiny

Is this a true story? My son has autism (profound/severe) but I also am on the spectrum/Asperger's (although they aren't really using that term anymore, I understand.

And so I can relate -- to the feeling of panic when everyone's looking at you and using my long hair as a curtain drawn against the world.

A few suggestions: when you have internal dialogue (the repeated swear word in the beginning, for instance, try using italics. That way the reader is put right into the mind of the narrator.

There are a few places where you could shape up the sentences with better grammar - for instance, here is one edit. Your original paragraph:

"So we have a new student with us today," The teacher started,my face went bright red, "Lillian, would you please come to the front of the room and tell the class something about yourself?"

My edit to that paragraph:

"So we have a new student with us today," the teacher started. My face went bright red. "Lillian, would you please come to the front of the room and tell the class something about yourself?"

And here, you want the word "too" -- Oops, maybe that was to loud.

I like this part a lot:

I fell. On my face. Painfully.

The sharp small sentences mimic the fall, and it's effective. And here, you do it again:

This. Is. To. Much.

However, as before, you want to use "too," not "to."

Toward the end, "highway" is one word, and you need an apostrophe in "Im."

I might suggest adding more to this - about what happened after you got home, about how your brother acted toward you - or your parents - or the kids at school the next day. You draw your reader in nicely but then leave us hanging, wanting more. And that's a good thing!

Thank you for sharing.

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by winklett
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi - I would like to review this item but you have to change its rating. It should be rated 18+. Please change the rating and I'll come back to review.
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Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found this gem among my fellow entries in the "Invalid Item contest. I really enjoyed your dreamlike, free verse interpretation of "Jack and the Beanstalk." It's so different from every other entry - and in a cool way! Your imagery and word choices take the reader along with Jack as he climbs.

I might suggest splitting it into stanzas; as it stands it's a lot to read all at once (visually, on the screen). I like how you've done that with the last bit.

I do love your original phrases which paint the poem with an artist's brush: soft, white dream; deepening vales and canyons; billowing land - and the sounds which weave through effortlessly - internal rhyme and assonance and alliteration. It's a beautiful piece.

Best of luck to you in the contest - not that you need it!

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Our Daily Rain  
Review by winklett
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this one! You've woven so many deliciously original phrases and sounds together - edges whispering, pinprick silvered drops, brushing hands and eyelids....all culminating in that clever couplet - forgive us our umbrellas indeed! BTW and this is true - I haven't used an umbrella in 30 years (or so). So there's that.

I can see why this won an awardicon, and why you have it featured in your port. I'd love to see England. Any suggestions? I've been all over Ireland and other parts of Europe, though.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful poem!

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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