|Hello! I read your story and I'd like to give you some suggestions for edits first. I'll put them in the order they appear as I read through your story:
"Despite all this, it was probably the best story he read so far that evening."
Perhaps keep everything in present tense by changing "was" to "is"?
"Old Brittany Park" --- maybe just Brittany Park? You don't need to capitalize "old," anyway.
"It's 5,000 to 10,000 words Brittany, 5,000. Lord, her name itself smacks of banality."
I think it would be clearer if you placed all Dr. Vogel's inner thoughts in italics.
"so it has a lot of non-English major freshman and sophomores taking it just to fulfill their elective requirements."
You mean *basic curriculum* requirements, right?
"Later that day Professor Vogel takes his tray of food and makes a b-line"
I think you mean a beeline. (all one word)
"Her beige corduroy pants (corduroy no less)"
I think it would be better to say "Her beige pants (corduroy no less)"
"Ethan winces at this Brittany notes."
You just need a comma after "this."
"It’s the colleges."
I would say "It belongs to the college" - or "It's the college's."
“Lord, fine…you can have two screwdrivers."
I don't think he'd know what a screwdriver is because he didn't know you could combine vodka and orange juice.
"A lot of it is my fault too, since the feelings somewhat mutual.
You need an apostrophe in "feelings."
"Later that evening Dr. Mullins wife calls out to him,"
You need an apostrophe: Dr. Mullins' -- and same thing two lines down
"but if it is then I pray you have the commonsense..."
Should be "common sense"
You never mention what happens after he picks her up to go on the "makeover trip." Does she cut her hair, get glasses or contacts, new clothes, etc?
That's it for edits, and I was engaged throughout the story. I found myself hoping they get together and stay together, and that Dr. Vogel does not lose his job. But I do wish the relationship between them were based on more of a love of literature, or something they both share. Maybe her story reminds him of his favorite author?
I think the dialogue is a well-written and flows well, and I like the added concern on the part of Dr. Mullins. The "can of Pledge" comment at the end added an interesting touch of humor that made me chuckle.
Great story. Write on!