Again, welcome to WDC, and thank you for asking me to read your wonderful scene. I enjoyed the strong descriptive words and vivid imagery. You used lots of detail, yet kept the pace nice and even and didn't bog the story down. I didn't spot any technical issues, but that is not my strongest skill, so perhaps don't rely fully on just my opinion of that. You hook me, as a reader with within the first few sentences and I can't help but keep reading. I just HAVE to know what happens next!
If I were to make any suggestions at all, I would suggest re-thinking the presentation. As it is, it is all kinda squished together into one huge chunk of text. I'd encourage you to maybe double space your paragraphs, use a larger font for easier reading. You have a wide range of options above the box you type in. You can bold, or add italics or underline. You can add colors, change the spacing of sentences and paragraphs, change the size of the font, choose a different font, and many other features to enhance your writing.
Please let me know when you've added to this story as I would love to know what happens!