*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wordwarrior66/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
186 Public Reviews Given
186 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- ... Next
51
51
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Sherri! Thanks for sharing this chilling poem! *Smile**Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*


"When they may come for you, nobody knows.
Beware of what lies beyond the shadows."

This is my kind of poem. I'm all about things that go bump in the night. *Bigsmile*

I've lived in two haunted houses, owned a haunted mirror, and have been the founder of a ghost-hunting team. So yeah, darkness is sort of my thing, haha!


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

I found none. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*





IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this most creepy poem. I, among others I'm sure, enjoy a bit of a scare now and then.

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of Baby Powder  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Bikerider! Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem! *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"I have baby powder on my shoulder,

a sign you were just there.

You're not aware of the heart you took,

but now it's with you everywhere."

This brought tears to my eyes. I too, have a granddaughter, Destiny, whos almost five. She is my world; my sunshine. I asked God long ago to send me the love of my life. He did, those four and a half years ago. *Heart*

I tell every grandparent-in-waiting that they are going to experience a love like none before. We love our kids, but the love for grandchildren is a magical one. *Smile* *Heart*



*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

I found none. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*





IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing the heart-warming tale through poetry. We are so blessed to know this kind of love. My heart aches for those who do not.


I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of Night Terrors!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Flower4* Hi Jyo! Thanks for sharing this tiny tale *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"A pale white arm reached in through the half open door, and groped with knowing fingers."

This would creep me out as an adult, haha.

There are always things that make children afraid to go to sleep. When I was a kid, there were squirrels in the attic just above my room. When they jumped from rafter to rafter, it sounded just like footsteps coming up the wooden staircase to my room. I lay there watching the stairs, terrified. *Worry*






*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

None that I could find. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*





IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this spooky story. They are definitely my favorite kind, and you wove it well. *Stary*


I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of One Last Drive  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Kiya! Thanks for sharing this creeeepy poem ( my favorite kind! *Laugh*) *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"The car would be found in a ditch by the road
No bodies, no witnesses, no story to be told"


As a former Paranormal Investigator, I can tell you first-hand how scary it can be in those types of places. Just the thought that this might be the place that you don't come back from was quite the adreneline junkie's fix.

You did very well at conveying the "scoffing turned 'oh &#%$' mentality." *Stary* I have to laugh, remembering all the guests we took out on hunts, who smirked and grinned. By the end of the night, the grins were replaced with wide eyes and scared looks cast over their shoulder, hehe. Man, I miss those days!





*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

None that I could find. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*






IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this delightfully spooky poem. It gives the feel of the film "1408," which scares even a hardcore hunter like me! *Laugh*

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of Down in the Dell  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Cubby! Thanks for sharing this sweet poem! *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"The people are happy,
Surrounded by hills.
Their maple trees, sappy;
Lakes filled with bluegills."

AND


"There’s always a valley—
A place beyond sorrow
To dilly and dally,
No fear of tomorrow."

Lakes filled with bluegills?! Bring it on! I love to fish, and was surprised to see mention of these fish. They are always over-shadowed by catfish and bass! 'Little fish in a big pond' *Laugh*

I really loved this poem. It made my heart smile. I'm not sure if its a representation of Heaven, or just heaven on earth, but either way, I want to go. *Smile* *Heart*


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

None that I could find. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*





IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this sweet, funny and touching poem. It gives us a glimpse of how life should be, and I for one vote YES!

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of In The Heart  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Sunny! Thanks for sharing this lovely poem! *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"Many people come and go
but those in the heart never leave."

This reminds me of the saying:

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same." *Heart*



*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

None that I could find. Perfect punctuation, spelling and grammar. Great job! *Badge*







IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this heart-felt poem. It lends a great insight to the role that the heart truly plays in our lives. Its not just our life line, in many ways it is our mentor. It teaches us lessons, both good and bad.


I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower4* Hi there, Cotton! Thanks for sharing this fun-filled poem! *Smile**Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"Laughter and screams haunted houses,
and dreams."

This would surely be my favorite part of a carnival. *Bigsmile*





*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

Here are a few tweaks that might help:


"Theme parks, games Carnival music and slides.
Lots of people everywhere you go.
Food and drinks for everyone you know? period
Laughter and screams comma haunted houses, no comma
and dreams."

"rRainy day seasons and bright sunny skies.
Funnel cakes and ice cream oh my? ! - exclamation mark, instead of ? - question mark.
capital "N" no matter how the day turned out. comma
at least you had fun without a doubt.
capital "D" darkness comes as the colored lights are now on.
capital "T" the night gets more exciting and then it's time to go home.




IN CLOSING

Thank you for sharing this poem. It brings back such fond memories from my childhood.

Please don't be discouraged by my suggestions. I had a pretty tough review or two today, given to my first try at a book. It was pretty bad, lol. But we all need help so we can be the best writers we can be - and afterall, isn't that why we're here? *Wink*

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of Free  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Flower4* Hi DragonofInsanity! Thanks for sharing this chilling poem! *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"As I made my way towards the light

I suddenly felt such glee

For, after spending so much time in bondage

I was finally free."


This part held a bittersweet victory - freedom from torture, yet she never got to say goodbye to her loved ones, unless you count when she was leaving for her honeymoon. At least there is some mercy in that. *Sad*




*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

● My first suggestion was given to me as well, concerning my poems and short stories. Double-spacing between each line looks awkward. I had to go back and fix mine, because I realized my reviewers were right. Now, double-spacing paragraphs, or stanzas in poetry seems fine. This is only a suggestion, but try unchecking "double space" on your Create Item form, & instead use "Preserve Spacing." Seems to work for me.

● Not a month after we met

He asked me to marry him proposed , and I soon jumped at the chance

If only I had known

that with the devil I was having a dance

● I had no chose choice but to slave away

● had at last met my end

And was met with a fatal And soon I was fatally struck

These were the only typos I found. Please don't be discouraged by my suggestions. We all need them, and I get them all the time. And afterall, isn't that why we're here, to become better writers? *Wink*




IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this disturbing piece. Don't get me wrong, I love dark pieces, and I enjoyed this one very much. It was believable and thought-provoking. *Checkg*

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower4* Hi Doris! Thanks for sharing this heart-warming story! *Smile* *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"He hadn’t thought of it that way; That turning her loose to someone else’s care was actually still taking care of her. He sat there letting it all soak in as he kept his eyes toward his wife."

Sadly, this is a dilema that so many spouses and children have to go through.

This touches me on a personal level. The gentleman that both my niece and I provide home health care for, is currently in the hospital. He only has one leg, and theres great potential for him to lose the other. Chances are his kids will place him in a nursing facility, and this breaks my heart. He wants to be in his own home, to feel love and well cared for. *Worry*

I also love the part about Arthur bringing Sarah fried pies. Thats definitely a Southern favorite. Yum!! *Checkg* *Laugh*






*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*

There was only one suggestion that I had. Perhaps this will break your sentence down and keep things in perspective:


Once comma weary and tired from days without rest and nights without sleep comma he made an error in administering her meds.

Other than that I found no spelling or grammar issues. Great job!


IN CLOSING

Thank you again for sharing this sweet and poignant story; it made me cry.

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing!*Pencil*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
In affiliation with Give It 100 Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower4* Hi Jess! Thanks for sharing this suspense-filled story! *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*


I love how descriptive you are when describing the girl, but then again, thats just about what the entire story consists of. It really brings on the creep factor.

For such a tiny tale, it really packs a punch. I won't give any spoilers, but you got your twist just right. *Bigsmile*





*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*



I found only one typo in your story:


● "I crash forwards" should be forward

Other than that, perfect grammar and punctuation. Great job! *Thumbsupl*



IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this super-short, dramatic story. You gave as much insight as most of us give in a story three times as long. Kudos to you! *Delight* I have yet to master the super-short story without chopping it to bare bones and ruining it, so I am impressed.

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Crazy  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi ColemanM! Thanks for sharing this intense poem! *Flower4*




*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S):*Heart*

"Then those damn idiots inside my

Head (O God, why my head?)

Set it off,"

I can actually relate to this. I joke with my co-workers about my voices. I tell them, "Well they're not really voices; its my voice" Then when I talk to myself, they say "As long as you dont answer yourself." to which I reply, "Oh, but I DO!"
I'm constantly told, "What comes into your head shouldn't always come out of your mouth." but it usually does. Maybe its a writer thing, lol!



*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*



I have no suggestions. Perfect spelling, punctuation and grammar. Great job! *Badge*



IN CLOSING

Thanks again for sharing this very insightful poem. I think it is the artistic types who have so many characters stuck in their heads, that feel this way - and yes, getting them down on paper is the exact way to get all that creativity out of our heads before it takes over and tries to drive us mad. *Wink*

I think you are a very good writer,and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review of Jump  
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi Music! Thanks for sharing this sad, sad story. *Flower4*


*Heart*MY FAVORITE PART(S)*Heart* :


Its hard to name a favorite part of such a sad, gruesome tale. I would have to say it would be the love that this character feels for their family and friends, and how the (the story doesn't give the gender) main character jumps in and checks to see if everyone is okay.


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:*Idea*


I have no suggestions for this story. Perfect punctuation, grammar and spelling. Great job! *Badge* *Stary*


IN CLOSING:


Thanks again for sharing this short story. It is well-written, and believable, with the exception of the fate of the main character, since it is written in first-person.

I think you are an excellent writer, and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower4* Hi sara! Thank you for sharing this funny poem! *Flower4*

My Favorite Part:

● "Mrs Grizzles was fat and short
she lived alone in a faraway fort
and roamed the stairways up and down" *Heart*

I must admit, I was taken aback by the title, and by it being a children's poem. I didn't think it was very nice for kids to call people "fat and ugly," but now I see that it works very well for this poem.

SUGGESTIONS:

*Checkg* I found no reason for suggestions. Perfect grammar, punctuation and spelling. Great job! *Thumbsup*

IN CLOSING: Thanks again for sharing this cute poem. I think you're an excellent writer, and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Pencil*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello J.E. Normally this is where I thank the author for sharing their item; I cannot do this with you. I wish so feverently that you did not have this story to tell. *Heart*

There are no favorite parts, but the quotes that resound within me all of my worst nightmares for my sons, and now, for my granddaughter. In my fear, I have grieved inwardly, just at the mere thought of this most hideous subject.

● "I was furious that the world spun on without my baby in it."

● "It’s not fair that a parent should outlive their child. We should be allowed to die with them. Living life when your reason for being is gone is hollow, yet heavy with its deficiency."

IN CLOSING: The grief that you describe cannot be understood or empathized. Please forgive the somber review, but I don't feel very chipper knowing that a person has been so utterly devastated.

As for your writing, I don't have any suggestions. Perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation. Great job! I think that you are a wonderful writer, and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing!





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review of "Crossing Over"  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kings! Thank you for sharing this sad and beautiful poem. It made me cry.

My Favorite Part: "God has blessed our family for all of these years.
Let us go to Him in prayer to calm all of our fears.
See everything that happens only God knows why.
Let us love and enjoy life before we say goodbye."

This breaks my heart. As the youngest of 5 children, all of my siblings are between 9 and 18 years older than me. I know how blessed I am to still have them, and there are times when the knowledge creeps in that I fight so hard to become oblivious to - one day it will be just me. I would grieve each day if I let myself think about it. I do love your reference to the pot-belly stove and iron bed - so much my childgood! Anyway, back to your review...

SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions. This is a heartfelt piece, sadly written from experience. Perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation. Great job! *Thumbsup*

IN CLOSING: Thank you again for sharing this poem, and for opening up your heart and letting us peek in. I think you are an excellent writer, and I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Smile*




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of Under the Bed  
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Starr! Thanks for sharing this most creepy poem! *Flower4*

My Favorite Part: "But I also know
that as long as I keep
my feet
under the covers,
that thing can't come out
from under the bed
and grab me
when there's no light."

*Shudder* I'll tell you a little secret - I am 48 years old, and I still get creeped out when my feet are uncovered in bed. Its like I can feel something about to grab them - like a tingling on the bottoms...*shudder* *Laugh* *Heart*

SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions - perfect grammar, punctuation and spelling. Great job! *Thumbsupl*

IN CLOSING: Thanks again for sharing this delightfully dark poem. It brought back all sorts of oogie boogie memories for me, and I'm sure your other readers will concur. I think you are an excellent writer, and I look forward to reading more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! *Smile*



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
Review of Stingy Jack  
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Dollyx! Thanks for sharing this scary story! *Flower4*

My Favorite Part: "The Devil listened with keen interest to the stories about Jack, the man reputed to have a silver tongue to rival the Devil himself. It is not a wise thing to deal with the Devil, and in the Devil’s infinite conceit he was certain he had no rival; not on Earth or in Heaven. It was in this fashion that the Devil resolved to seek out Jack, and lay to rest the tales."


SUGGESTIONS: Just a few typos:

● "Stingy Jack, as he was called, was a horrid man; a drunkard, a liar, and a miser who took especial delight in separating the dull witted from their belongings."

● "So the two drank that night until both could scarcely hold themselves upright, and just before the sun rose comma Stingy Jack decided the evening of revelry had come to an end as he unsteadily rose to his feet and turned for home."

● "Jack promised to free the Devil only no comma, if the Devil promised not to trouble him for a year and swear that should Jack die, he would not claim his soul."

● "Quickly he moved to slip through the branches and down the trunk but the Devil foudn found that he could not pass."

● "He would trouble Jack no more no comma, for the time of 10 years, and when Jack died no comma, the Devil would not take his soul to Hell."

● One last suggestion is to double-space your paragraphs. Readers are more likely to turn away before finishing when dealing with one large block of text. It can be a bit hard on the eyes, and it is harder to stay focused on what you are reading. This can be easily done by checking the box at the end of the static item form.

Typos happen to us all, and are easily corrected. Most of the story was wonderfully edited. Sometimes we just need another perspective, since we are so used to seeing our own writing. *Smile*

IN CLOSING: Thank you again for sharing this amazing story. I never knew the history behind the Jack'o lantern, and this story was truly fascinating, and quite creepy! This story was well-told with excellent grammar. Great job! *Thumbsupl*

Please don't be discouraged by my suggestions - we all need them to help us to become the best writers we can be. After all, isn't that why we're here? *grin* I think you're an excellent writer, and I look forward to reading more from you soon. Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi G.B.! Thanks for sharing this wonderful reflection! *Flower1*

My Favorite Part: "Mourning over a lost love may cause you to miss the new love that is right in front of you. So look up. Smile. Buy yourself a dozen roses and a card, a box of candy, or even a pair of dancing shoes. Learn to love you, and who knows, that special someone just might find you." *Heart*

SUGGESTIONS:There are a couple of places where it became confusing as to where someone began speaking and where they stopped:

● "The roses came three days ago from someone I have known for less than a year, and they came with a promise that said, "If I can give them and have nothing comma imagine what I will do with much. Please hold me to that. I love you Momma. I am still feeling the love."

● We stood and hugged each other for several minutes, and he said," You know I love you grandmother. Out of all the places they placed me, placing me with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for loving me and being in my life." Also, the use of place(s) is repetitive - try using a Thesaurus to find synonyms for the word.

● This is a bit confusing to me: "Then there was the love I felt when I first saw my first child all red and cover with birth matter, and announcing her entry into the world. The red roses that came with her had just one bright yellow one stuck in the middle announcing to the world that she would not be the last one. Not sure what this means

A couple of typos:

● "All of this got me to thinking about how special love is, and the many ways it manifests itself."

● "Then there was the love I felt when I first saw my first child all red and covered with birth matter, and announcing her entry into the world."


● "Don't miss out on them ?? looking for that woman or man that may never show, and if s/he does will not bring all the love to your life that you have already."


IN CLOSING:Thank you for sharing this. I agree that love doesn't have to come from a significant other. I see so many women who think they need a man in their lives, yet they have children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, and friends who shower them with love. We have to recognize the importance of this kind of love.

It was so amazing that you spoke of a son calling you just to say "I love you", because my oldest son did that to me just the other day, thanking me for being there and helping him, always being in his corner. It was a beautiful feeling. *Smile*


Please don't be discouraged by my suggestions. We all need them to become the best writers we can be - after all, isn't that why we're here? *grin*

I think you're a very good writer, and I look forward to reading more from you soon. Keep up the good work, and Keep Writing! ~*~April~*~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review of The Peach Hill  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dandy! Thanks so much for sharing this short story!

My favorite part was: "Laia turned the knob slowly, making sure not to make a sound. It was locked. Of course it was. What palace had a secret door in the corner that was just left wide open?" That made me smile. *Smile*

This is a very well-written and interesting story; it had me enthralled from the first line. I do have a couple of suggestions that would tidy it up a bit:

Suggestions: As good as this story is, paragraph spacing is always a must. Readers are more likely to pass up a piece with huge blocks of text, as it can become tedious to read, as well as a strain on the eyes. At the bottom of each static item form, there is a checkbox labeled "double-space paragraphs." This is a handy tool.

A couple of easy mistakes (I do these all the time): "He often hid form from the boys in the village, and unlike the other boys, Arrow was into drawing and knitting. He was made fun of for this, and it made him very unhappy."

."Laia fit the key into the keyhole with ease and to her surprise, it opened."

Other than that, I found nothing wrong. Perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation. Great job!*Smile*

IN CLOSING: I'm not sure if you plan on continuing with this story or not, but my suggestion would be: PLEASE DO! I mentally yelled "Nooo!" when I came to the end. This is a great story and you are a wonderful writer. I look forward to seeing more from you soon! Keep up the good work, and Keep Writing! ~*~April~*~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Chewy96! Thank you for sharing this poem.

I could really feel the love and comraderie that you and your friends felt.

My favorite part was "Careless and young are often one ,
and we were,"

I really like how this poem is worded and arranged, but I do have a few suggestions that might tidy it up a bit...

Spacing: There are a few places where there is a space between your word and comma, and then there are a couple of times there were no spaces between words. For example: "And we said goodbye
to you and all
the good timesno space ;" as well as "Painfullyspace,growing up,
losing innocence,
facing death,
becoming men." And I'm not sure that "wolfing" and "forever" need to be in quotation marks - I feel that you used these because "wolfing" is used here as slang, and because you are emphasizing "forever", but I think the quotes could be omitted in this instance.

IN CLOSING: I really liked this poem. It was a touching tribute to your friend that should make him proud. Bittersweet, it took me from the fun you had together, to the shock and pain of losing him. Your words sincerely described it all in grand detail. I am so sorry for your loss.

Please don't let my suggestions discourage you. We all need them to help us improve. After all, isn't that why we're here - to become the best writers we can be? *Smile* I think you are a very good writer, and I look forward to reading more from you soon. Keep up the good work, and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review of betrail  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Ida! I saw the link to your folder on my sidebar, so I will review the folder itself, and later, each item in the folder.

I have only one suggestion: the title, "betrail" should be "betrayal." It gets tricky when words sound one way but are spelled another. WDC has a spell checker located in one of the link buttons at the bottom of each item you post, as well as under the Item Tools dropdown menu, located in the top right-hand corner of each item.

Please dont be discouraged by suggestions - we all need them. After all, thats why we're here, right? Keep up the good work, & Keep Writing! ~ April


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of Waterfall  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Gaby-Baby! Thanks for sharing this excellent poem! It really gives us insight into the wonder that is a waterfall.

I really enjoyed the part that said "moving over any obstacle that stands in its way," which is certainly true. They are a force to be reckoned with indeed.

I have one suggestion: "They never seize to flow." should be "They never cease to flow."

IN CLOSING I really enjoyed this poem. I believe that you have great potential as a writer, and I look forward to seeing more from you. Please do not let suggestions discourage you - we all need them. After all, isn't that why we're here, to become the best writers we can be? *Smile* Keep up the good work, and Keep Writing! ~ April


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
73
73
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi amarinello! I think you have a very presentable essay here, however it could use just a little tweaking:I have witnessed (death) "more now than ever before." Before what? "too much hurt" Hurting too much. These are memories. But (no comma) However, I wasn't truly great at any one thing. Life really came together. Ovarian Cancer research and ( no comma). I knew I'd found my calling. My goal in medicine is to minimize outcomes which result in traumatic memories and help patients find hope for a more fulfilling life. This means we need to create better treatments and come closer to finding cures for all types of disease. I want to play a role in replacing traumatic events with happy ones, and I would like to start that dream now, through research at your facility. All of these suggestions are in order - just switch them out with the corresponding original statements.

I really hope this helps, and best of luck to you and your dream! ~ April


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
74
74
Review of Neo Eden  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greg,

This was a very well-written short story, with lots of detail. I looked carefully for grammar or punctuation errors but found none. Great read, it totally drew me in. Keep up the great work!
74 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 3 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wordwarrior66/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3