I think that this story is beautiful in the way that it portrays existence, and it is very original in the method of execution. I also like how the story is structured in poetic paragraphs, implying even more poetic rhythm. One way to improve is to make the story flow more, by possibly making the 2nd and 4th lines bear more similarity. Other than that, the story is almost flawless.
This story was quite interesting in the way that the boy had to cope with these many things, and it allowed the reader to get a different perspective about youth in general. The story had minimal to no grammatical issues, stated many important points, and was very captivating and interesting.
Positives: I like how personification is used, and I like the rhyming component. In addition, the grammar and spelling is above average, and some basic humanistic points are used.
Negatives: I feel that the story doesn't capitalize on innate human emotions and feelings very well, and its solid subliminal messages seem to clash in an awkward fashion. Secondly, the poem structure is awkward, as there is no space between paragraphs and the rhythm seems forced. Those two factors definitely suffocate a lot of the poem's potential.
Summary: The poem's structure looks average or above average, but the poem just seems rushed and meaningless even though some "meaning" was mentioned. The poem just doesn't hold up. When my spirit seems unaffected by a poem's core component, then it isn't a poem.
I think this story is quite beautiful in the way it projects the idea of others assisting during hard times, and how that can feel wonderful. It also encourages the reader to empathise with an unknown character, which is quite lovely. All in all, the story addresses many important points in only a few sentences.
This story was great, and it made two points that I found interesting.
Firstly, the story stated that people made assumptions that something didn't exist when it did. In the metaphorical sense, that something could be anything from happiness, to a new job, to an A on a test at school, to simply anything that wasn't expected, but positive.
Secondly, it stated that conflicts need rebuilding. In the metaphorical sense, that could be a friendship or something of that nature.
In addition, there were no apparent grammatical mistakes.
All in all, I think that your story was great, and it is worthy of five stars.
I thought that your short novel was great, besides two factors.
Firstly, you didn't put much detail in what the mosquito was saying. As an explanation, you simply put a simple idea as all the mosquito thinks about. When you personify stories, make the characters have multiple emotions, like humans do. You don't need to have five hours worth of dialog to do so, as you could just say "He was currently feeling..." or something along those lines.
Secondly, I would have preferred a longer story or a more poetic story this length, because your story lacks description.
Lastly, great job for not making any grammar-related mistakes that I can detect. I will give 50 GP for that. Enjoy!
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