This was a really good story! I almost thought the house cleaning elf was really going to clean your house... and I'd be so jealous! It was a great twist for him to just take off on the main character. At least now every reader has an excuse for a messy house... we're waiting to exact our revenge on that elf! Great story!
Write on!
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What a great piece! I have felt everything you said, and enjoyed the images your words brought to me. I'm not superstitious, either, but, as you put it... I'm not not superstitious, either. When you said, "What could it possibly hurt?" I saw myself in your words. If I could avoid tempting fate... then what would it hurt? LOL. This was a great piece. Thank you so much for sharing... and for making me realize I'm not alone in this!
I am not a poet by any means, so I review this piece just as a reader (definitely not as someone who "has what it takes" to write poetry). I thought it was a good piece. Honestly, as I'm sure you know, I was hoping beyond hope for Sally to somehow get the doll... but, not all stories have a happy ending! This was well thought-out and written. At first, I was somewhat taken aback by the last line, though. Sally seemed too hopeful of a child to come up with a motto like that. I do understand, though, that it was meant to show she had become jaded at some point. Thanks for the great read.
Write on!
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This was a very good poem. I liked the way you tied each of the seasons, and the falling of different things (the snowflakes, the petals, the leaves) all together. The images you evoked with your words were vibrant. I'm not a poet by any stretch, so reviewing poetry is fairly new to me. I can only tell you what I see from a reader's standpoint. As I said, the images were wonderful... the only thing I wondered about: you had the snowflake drifting towards the Earth, but then it landed "with a gentle plop". I wasn't sure about the word "plop". This was a great piece, though, and I hope to read more of your works. You do amazing things with your words here!
Write on!
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What an awesome story! I loved the part about the guy plugging in his toothbrush... just in case he might find something else to plug in later... homesteaders! LOL. Also, I liked, "By now, a ine had started to form at my desk."... and where was the information person all of this time? lol again. I don't know if you ever got anything done that you planned to do once you found the outlet, but even if you didn't, this made for a great story! Thanks for sharing.
Write on!
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I loved this new take on the "old favorite" Christmas carol! Good luck in the contest. I think this is something all of us here can relate to! I'd like to be able to point out a specific day that I think is the funniest, but they are all so great! I think days nine to six crack me up the most. Great job on this!
Write on!
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What a great poem! Every line made me laugh. Unfortunately, it's all true (especially the last part about the insurance!) I have to ask, was this piece inspired at all byt Curtis Mayfield's "Pusher" from the movie Superfly? Reading it brought the song to my head... and it seemed to fit pretty well with what you are talking about (the difference being illegal verus legal drugs). This was really a great satire on the pharm. industry! Thanks for the great read!
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Another great piece of poetry, Pat! In the fifth stanza I could feel the clouds seperating and by the seventh, I could see the sun shining through, victoriously! I felt the triumph of someone who has had a great weight lifted... with the guilt being firmly placed on the agressor rather than the victim. This is a wonderful poem and I think it will serve to truly encourage and fortify others who may have gone through the same, or simiar, things.
Thanks for the wonderful read!
Beckie
I don't write a lot of poetry anymore, so I may not be the best person to give a technical review on poetry, but I can say, as a reader, your "roller coaster" comes through loud and clear. Every word shows the light and/or dark side of this struggle. My favorite stanza of this poem is, "Still I fights, one day at a time, to hold on to my own sanity as I struggle to help him find his." That is such a telling line, and I think it says so much by saying so little. This was a very great piece!
Beckie
I think you've done a good job with this 55-worder! I loved the line, "Shapely intelligent Midweat angels are off limits to wimps, dweebs, and me." That made me laugh. The ending, though, showed how wrong the character was. The relationship seemed to change so much.... and in only 55 words!
Write on!
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Great job with this short-short! You've used all of the senses to bring the forest to life, and done so in very few words. Very solid description. My only small critique (and it's just my opinion, so don't take it for anything more than that) would be the line where you say, "The air smells of crisp winter freshness and of a woodstove", I might change to something like "Smoke from a woodstove cut through the crisp winter freshness."... but, as I said, that's just my opinion. Excellent job!
Write on!
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This is an incredible account of a family supressed by the feelings of a, normally, vibrant mother whose moods seemed changeable and, I'm sure, very strange, to two small children. Your words were very well picked and served to truly portray the differences in the mother. The ending showed the effects these mood swings had on the children involved in the situation. Very well written!
Great poem! This was such a wonderful look into the exhuberance and creativity of youth, and the friend and sister that shared it with you. It brought back, to me, the times I spent in my own "home in the woods" with my sister and the games and rules we invented. These are such wonderful times and memories. Thank you so much for sharing!
Write on!
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I truly enjoyed this story. It was a wonderful insight into the unselfishnedd of a child. For Danny to give away his favorite toy to a child who he knew may not receive anything for Christmas was a great sentiment. I liked the way you set up the scene, with his toys all over the living room, creating an entire city, showing that he did have something to give. This is a great holiday story that warms the heart.
Write on!
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This was a great story that brought back a lot of memories for me. There is nothing to compare to a child's imagination, and the wonder of books Sam and Adam seem to have. My favorite line was, "...a book he knew would take him to a place he'd never been before." That is such a magical thing for a child, and you showed the young boys' awe of a book taking them far away. I also liked the "fort" they built for themselve to read in. Great story!
Write on!
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This was a great piece of flash fiction. The twist at the end, where she realized the boy was her own son, as unexpected. I was sure she was seeing her father in the child because of the tragedy of his passing. In such a short piece, you captured her feelings and emotions very well. I saw no errors. Thank you for the great read!
Write on!
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What a great story! It brings me back to my own childhood... with all the wonders of Christmas awaiting me the next morning, I always found it so hard to sleep on Christmas Eve night! As an adult, now, I seem to have forgotten what it was like trying to sleep on Christmas Eve (until reading your piece), and the things that went through my head. Poor Laura... thinking her lack of sleep would ruin her Christmas. I'm glad Santa understood!
Write on!
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This was an excellent story.. just the kind I like to read. I like the idea behind the Reader. I hope you write more in this story line. I would love to read it! I like the way you flashed into the mind of the corpse, telling just enough and never too much, and what had happened. Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
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I like the way this poem flows. I don't write or read a lot of poetry, but I really enjoyed this piece. It was so easy to read, and the thoughts in it were ones I think most people can relate to. The debate between head and heart is one that always seems to raise its head. I would like to read more of your writing, and will check out your port soon!
Write on!
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This was an excellent piece of poetry. I have so much to say on the content, but suffice it to to say that you are not alone in your thoughts! From a writer's standpoint... also, you are not alone in yoru thoughts. Truly, this was a great piece that traversed the scale of feelings. I enjoyed the read. It flowed well and the meaning was clear.
Write on!
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This was a very inspiring story! I wish everyone I know would read this and share the tear of joy that is in my eyes. Animals really do have the power to heal, yet so many are neglected, abused, or just treated improperly. Animals such as dogs love unconditionally, and we don't often get that from our human counterparts. I recently adopted a dog from the shelter who, they told me, had biting problems. He bit me once a month ago, but I know it was not his fault. I know he and I will find a way through this world, and what has happened to him will eventually fade... and any wrongs in my life will be righted as well. Thank you so much for this great story! We can't always prevent a past, but we can build a future, and that seems to be what you are doing. There is nothing more comendable!
Write on! I look forward to reading more from you!
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I really enjoyed this piece! I am not a poet by any stretch of the imagination, but I do enjoy how those of you who do poetry say so much in so few words.... and yet leave me with so much to think about! My interpretation of this poem, at first, was that it was from long ago (ice age kind of thing) and then, at the end, when you say that Rome is "long since gone," it made me realize it could also be a look into the future. This was a great piece of poetry! I look forward to reading more of your works!
Write on!
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What a great story! I loved the K-Mart twist at the end. I can see a child wondering if Santa would steal his or her toys.... I guess it all depends on what the other kids are saying and thinking, too. I know when I was young some of the older kids put some weird ideas into my head about Santa and things of that nature. Price tags. Always remember the price tags! LOL. Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
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LOL. What a great story! The dialect was awesome for this piece. At first I wondered if it would get hard to read at some point, but it never did. You showed the character exactly and told so much about him without saying anything about him..... to me, he kind of sounded like Festus from Gunsmoke! This was a great read. Thank you for sharing.
Write on!
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On WDC's scale of 1-5, to me this was a 6! I loved this piece! I laughed throughout the entire thing. Sadly, I see the irony of the Annual Gift Holiday... it seems that Christmas itself is no longer politically correct. In any event, I can't say enough about this story. It was incredible - cleverly crafted and expertly told!
Write on!
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