I really enjoyed this story line. I liked the fact that a young girl came to befriend the dragon. I think more background on her would be good, though. The dragon understood why she would want to get away, but I'm not sure that a reader would understand. I think getting more information about her life and the things she has gone through would be great.
I noticed quite a few sentences that are very long, making it somewhat difficult to read. For instance, you wrote, "Zrathem dived again and, as he reached the men below, blew a stream of fire at them, and in the back of his mind registered the screams, and revelled in them." I might suggest something more susinct such as, "Zrathem dived again and blew a steam of fire at the men below. He heard their screams and revelled in them."... something like that. There is probably an even better way to put it, but that's the first thing I came up with.
Overall, I think this is a very good story with a great storyline!
Write on!
Great poem! I like the way you linked each line to the previous line. It's a great glimpse into high school emotions which are at times random and at times all-encompassing... large or small. Thanks for the great read! Write on!
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I think this is a very good poem about lying. My favorite line is, "burn our bad past". It makes the reader feel as though anything can be turned around or that anyone can look to the future, regardless of what has happened in the past. Thanks for the great read! I look forward to reading more from you.
Excellent work with this piece! I really enjoyed this piece. You brought to light not only the men but also their accomplishments and the unfair treatment they received when they came home - despite their valiant efforts in the war. It's not something we hear much about anymore but a story that still should be told. Thank you for the excellent read.
Write on!
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This is an excellent poem. I love the way you paralleled the life of the tree to your own at the end. I am not a poet by any stretch of the imagination, so I cannot really comment on the technical aspects of this piece, but as a reader I can say that it flowed well and read easily. The effort and toil you have put into the life of this tree is evident and, in the end, the reason is clear. Thanks for sharing.
Write on!
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This is a great poem! It really brings to light what we do to the Earth with our "disposable world". It makes one think, When I throw something "away", where is "away"? Sadly, not enough people seem to think about those things. I think it's the old adage, out of sight, out of mind. Great work!
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I really enjoyed this story! It seems like a great memory for you and your friend. My only bit of constructive criticism on this piece would be to look for ways to "show" the reader what is happening rather than just "telling" us. I've never seen anyone ride a cow before so, to me, it would be great to see what is really happening in this scene. Also, feel free to embelish a bit on the facts (we all do that as writers ). I can see how funny it would look to see two people riding cows - because I have never seen it myself, and I can understand why people would want to take pictures. I think this is a great story, and I think it would be even greater with a little more description thrown in for those of us who don't know any better.
The only grammatical-type things I can say about the piece are that you should have a double-space after each sentence. Other than that, it seems to be solid in that regard. I look forward to reading more of your writing! I would really like to read more about this day, too! Thanks for sharing. Write on!
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What a great poem/story! This was a great look at a move through the eyes of a child. I liked the way the attitude changed through the piece. At first, the thought of moving was the worst thing in the world; by the end.... well, maybe it's not such a bad thing. That twist was great. This piece read easily and flowed very well. Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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This was a very touching story! I think it would be even more-so if you added some background about the boy... maybe he has some medical condition and his mother knows he is not long for this world, something like that. It's just a thought, but, to me, as a reader, adding depth to the character of they boy (and his mother, actually), would make the story even more heart-wrenching than it is. I think you've got an excellent start here, though! I would definitely like to know more about these two characters and their lives. Thanks for sharing this great read! Write on!
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Overall, I think this is a great piece. It's an interesting twist, showing a person's beauty from a compact mirror. I really like that idea! I also enjoyed the metamorphasis of Deb from the beginning to the end. With the mirror showing her inside self rather than her outside self, it leads the reader to think about his/her own self, how it is projected, and what is really inside. Write on!
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Thanks for asking me to read this, Jace! This section is a great look into the life of your main character, Xander at a later point in his life. You've created some mysteries in this section that make a reader want to read more: What is under Xander's bed and who else does he love, and why didn't he know it until his girlfriend brought it up... all of these are questions that will make a reader want to keep reading.
My only small piece of constructive criticism is that I noticed you changed tenses a couple of time (from past to present and then back again). I'm sure you'd catch it as you take another look at the piece and such, but I thought I'd mention it. Overall, I think you've got a solid beginning here. I'd like to read your section 2, which I also saw posted in your port. I will get to that within the next week. Thanks for asking me to read this! I'm looking forward to reading more! Write on!
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Another beautiful poem! I think you have captured, in so very few words, the very essence of friendship and friends. Every line soidified the overall feel of the poem and made me really stop to think what friendship is really all about... and about my close friends. Thanks for the great read. Write on!
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I loved this poem! It brought back so many memories of my youth, as I think it would for any reader. I'm not a poet by any stretch of the imagination, so I can't really comment too much on the "technical" parts of it. I do know, however, that it flowed very smoothly and read very well. My favorite part was the part about Mom taking care of us while we were sick. There have been days in my life as a restaurant manager (and a grad student at the same time) that were so incredibly hectic and stressful I would call or email my Mom and tell her I wished I was a kid again with a bad cold so I could just lay on the couch and watch TV all day while she brought me soup and juice. LOL. You know it's pretty bad when you are wishing you were sick just so you could take a break... but I think you get what I mean.
Great piece of poetry. Thank you so much for sharing. Write on!
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This is a great little piece. I enjoyed the fact that the squirrel family had members so much like the "typical" human family with Skip not really grooming the dirt out of his fur, etc. Also, you left the suspense of why Skip would continuously dig up acorns and rebury them until the very end. This was a very cute story.
Write on!
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This is an excellent piece on the history of Thanksgiving. You have a lot of facts in here that many people may not know. It is always interesting to take a look back at how holidays and other customs started versus what they have morphed into today. Very interesting piece. I saw no grammatical or other errors. Well done!
Write on!
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I thought this was a great story. Are you planning to expand it at some point? I think it could make a really good, longer story as well. There are so many unanswered questions about the why these two are caged, who caged them, etc. I think it's a very interesting idea. If you do expand on it, I'd love to read more!
Write on!
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Another great poem! It flowed very smoothly. I enjoyed the transition from hope to despair and back to hope again. Your words truly showed the changes. My favorite part was:
Unforeseen hostilities
Unexpected failures
Objectives unfulfilled
Alone and dejected
Has God ordered
The death of a dream?
I think most readers have felt that way at some point in their lives, no matter what the underlying situation. At the end, you turned the feeling - again to positive. Thanks for another great read! Write on!
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I enjoyed this poem a great deal. I do not write a lot of poetry, so I cannot really comment on the technical aspects. I can, however, say that I thought it read easily and flowed well. You portrayed your thoughts on the meaning of Christmas, and the renewing ability that it has, very well. This was a great read. Thanks for sharing. Write on!
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This was an excellent piece! You caught the thoughts of the MC so well and portrayed them onto the page in a way that any reader could understand them. It's a tragic story, but I loved the way you told it. There were a few minor things such as tense-shifts: "I hate coming home" does not fit the past tense that you have throughout the story, for instance, but these are minor things that are easily fixed. I think you did a great job with this emotionally-charged content! Thanks for the great read! Write on!
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This was a great story! Although I don't read these types of stories much, I really enjoyed this one. The characters were very clear and the descriptions you used brought the piece to life for me. Although I was sad for Elspeth that Sir Reginald was not who she originally thought he was, I think a tale such as this transcends time and even youth today experience things in life... someone they believed in or thought the world of, who, they find out, may not be exactly what they originally thought. In a way, it is part of growing up and growing wiser, I think. Thanks for the great read!
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Great article! I think you have done well to expell some of the stereotypical myths and stigma surrounding mental illness in this piece. It is very well written and highlights a very important subject. You did a very good job putting this together!
If I had any small critique, it would simply be some language choices. For instance: You wrote, "In the 1800’s, mental hospitals began running"... it may be better put, "In the 1800s, mental hospitals came to be"... or something of that sort.
You wrote," (we're talking cages)". To me, in an article such as this, something along the lines of "such as confining patients to cages" might be more appropriate. One last point, the word "Nowadays" might also be a little too conversational for the piece, as it is meant to be an article rather than a conversational work. Maybe phrasing it as, "In present time"...? Just a couple of my thoughts.
This was an excellent article overall and I liked your use of the history of mental illness in the piece. Thanks for the great read! Write on!
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What a great story! I actually stumbled upon this piece, and I'm glad I did.... In high school the last thing I wanted to do was go to prom, too! Fortunately, I was saved from your "night of terror"! LOL. This was such an intriguing story and the characters incredibly real. I'm not sure if this was a first-hand account or not, but your basketball player turned Prom Queen's date came through incredibly well... as did his horrified account of the events of the evening. Great writing! Write on!
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This was a great story. At first I thought the voices at the end were those of the house, which she finally found were friendly...but then realized they were the college kids. I liked the sentiment of the piece. To me it felt like, the soul of the house can change with what you put into it. I don't know if that was your intention, but it was the feeling the story left me with. Thanks for the great read! Write on!
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What an excellent piece!! Your description of the scene, the hunt, and the wolf were incredible. The entire piece was very vivid. I am very interested to read more as you add to it! You've presented great questions in the reader's mind: Why was the child left there? How will the wolf raise the child? Will the wolf raise the child? Very intriguing story and incredibly well written! Write on!
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What a great story!! A great story with a great moral! I was nervous for her at the idea of doing as this guy asked... but, I figured, Grandma knows best. In a way, I was sad that she felt she had to resort to Heaven knows what, but at the same time, I plead with my laptop screen to make her change her mind!
Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
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). I can see how funny it would look to see two people riding cows - because I have never seen it myself, and I can understand why people would want to take pictures. I think this is a great story, and I think it would be even greater with a little more description thrown in for those of us who don't know any better. 
