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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/writerpenman
Review Requests: OFF
186 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm a natural grammarian, so that is automatic. I will review in whatever manner you need the most. Since my fee is actually about $5.00 realize that the GPS in real world currency is trivial.To have someone who enjoys good stories and writes as well, be willing to critique your work taking real time out of a real day is what every serious aspiring author wants. I don't rate high just to rate high. If you have not proofread your own work, why ask me too? You need to care, before I will. If you are a real rookie I will help as much as I can. If you are just writing and want kudos, I'm not that guy. If you are truly working towards ACTUAL PUBLICATION through an ACTUAL EDITOR and publishing company then I can be of assistance because I get good writing. I'm glad to help. I want to see you through the process and enjoy as you bask in your perfect, finally completed story. Look forward to helping young authors as I write YA. I truly want to help you be better.
I'm good at...
Dialogue. Grammar. Real estate - using less to describe more. It is important for me to read a story and get swept up in strong dialogue that is deftly blending action, setting with character descriptions and background. I need to know who I'm reading about, what is happening to them and where it is happening, so I can get cozy with and want to finish the story. Paint me a picture: sights, smells, quirks, personality, seasons; give me drama!
Favorite Genres
YA, Midddle Grade, Fantasy, SciFi, Non-Fiction,Adventure, Drama. No erotica. No romance.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of "Cuomo"  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello writerchuck

I went to 'Please Review' and you were number one so I thought, "It's only 3:29 in the AM, write that review.

A tough subject for sure, and one that needs good constructive dialogue for sure.

You handle the subject well considering the intensity with which you oppose the new law.

I noticed one misspelled word: Alter should be Altar.

Thanks.

writerpenman
2
2
Review of Rain  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi M.J.M.

I saw your title and as I love storms it was an easy draw.

So first impressions are ok. Good to put any thought to paper and get a story written. Good job.

If you will, I re-wrote it to show you a way to lessen extraneous words and create stronger visuals.


I see gnarled branches reaching into the gloomy gray sky which is crying drowning the earth in its tears. I see what usually looks like beautiful fields turned into swamps. I see no sunshine just a blanket of gray separating the world from sunshine, keeping people inside and soaking those who go outside. And, I can almost picture the sheets of water running down the windows.

Before me through torrents of rain I see dark gnarled branches clawing the thunder-stricken clouds. The earth is bathed in its own tears, drowning once thriving green fields.
Grey darkness is all around.
People fearing the storm's raw chaotic force remain cowering within their homes


This is just one way to see how someone else would describe the same scene.

I dropped the last line, 'And I can almost...' because you start with what they can see but this line states what they 'almost' can see. Aren't they looking out a window at the storm? If so they WOULD see sheets of water running down their windows.

Keep up the good work.

writerpenman





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd do a 'Read and Review' which I don't prefer because you may get some really long item but look it's my lucky day.

I like the James Howell quote. Really accurate and poetic.

I like the rest that follows. It is well written.

Thg Hanks for sharing it.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kirby Ray

Thought I'd do a couple of random reviews and look and behold, here I am.

This is a good story. I know it's part of a larger one and I'm jumping into the middle, but what I've read is nice.

I enjoyed the interactions between the characters and the rising tension.

Good story. Good luck with it.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Saw the word 'synopsis' and thought I'd check it out.

I enjoyed the telling of the facts of the 'Dustbowl Era' narrative. If this is the outline of a completed story or the preface of one, it will be interesting to see the plot develop as the characters go through that tough period of time.

Good job.

Keep writing.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of A Week of 19  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (5.0)
Been fun celebrating WdC's Big 19th.

I just noticed a typo
above I believe. It says you are awarding eighteen in the first paragraph to a award.

Its 4AM so I may just be sleep deprived.

Thx.

WP
7
7
Review of The Last Day  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Enter player one

It's what I think when I see your handle.

Funny.

It is a bittersweet moment the moving on from high school and all that it entails.

It is smart to put pen to paper as it were so this memory is more tangible to some digital degree.

Made me nostalgic.

Thank you for sharing and welcome to WdC.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Wagon Wheel  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Linn Browning

Checking the review boards and spotted this, so thought I'd review for you.

I think it's a quaint little tale. I liked the pacing of the 'letter' and the heartfelt tone it's told in.

As it sits it could be a 'real' letter to his real best girl.

Nice job.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Mr./Mrs Williams,

Saw this and I wanted to read more after reading the title link.

A clear narrative spoken with a strong voice a story that needs be heard but will undoubtedly fall on too many dead ears.

Your recollections are truly a national treasure from a time not all that long ago.

My mom worked in some ways like you more so I heard the stories of her mom and dad.

Yes, I agree on much you have said about '1984' and where we are subtly being led, sometimes it's not so subtle.

All I know to do is keep reading, know your Constitution, vote and treat others as I'd like to be treated. And pray, above all things.

A few typos I noticed that I will email you later about.

Great piece. Keep sharing.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of A Beast Of Flame  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd do was hat I normally avoid do in my and go to "Read and Review" since you can't choose what you read only take what's given.

Sooo...

Today I struck gold!

I love the imagery and enjoyed the playfulness. 16 lines is great and precise enough to share this scene.

Have you proofread or edited for wordiness? Its not much but I believe you could reduce a few words and strengthen the imagery.

Great job though.

Keep writing.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Alone  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
So

I'm gonna' take a stab at your story. I'm sitting here with no power thanks to Dorian so my eyes are heavy even with my blue-light blocker on my cell.

The nuts and bolts are there. You have your character, you drop enough description for setting and the plot is there but its ending up on the predictability pretty hard.

Not to bad, but definitely show more action.

Good luck.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of 3am Thoughts  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ahh,

To write or not to write, that is the question.

Annoying really, isn't? That damned tome, buried deep.

Your thought need no structure such as they are, a vivid streaming of conciousness pouring out of the heart that lies within every would be purveyor of words.

To be a scribe, alas one who can thrive as he writes is the very desire.

To you good luck, good fortunes and many letters of acceptance.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by writerpenman
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Brilliant!

Spot on!

Thanks for sharing real life with us.

Your poem is well written and rhymes beautifully.

Thx

writerpenman
14
14
Review of Silent Witness  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Shelly,

I will start by saying what a tearjerker this is. From that standpoint alone you have a good story.


Under each paragraph I will list the grammatical issues I see. At the end of the story, I will talk about: character, dialogue and story/plot.

Terry tried very hard to hold back her tears. Sitting at her desk, in the classroom, she kept her face down. Her long unkempt hair served as a compassionate veil against the relentless teasing from the popular girls. Trembling, she tried to concentrate on the writing assignment the teacher had just scribbled on the chalkboard, “ A Weekend Getaway." I tried as she did; to think of what I would write. I thought of an adventure to some tropical island, (not very creative--a cliche'). I knew that she would have some mystical tale of some clandestine adventure filled with imagery, emotion and great characters.

"A Weekend Getaway". CORRECT / I tried as she did, CORRECT(comma only, not a semicolon) / I thought of an adventure to some tropical island, not very creative - a cliche'. CORRECT. Consider removing 'some' out of the last sentence. It is repeated twice.

Creative writing was one of the classes I believe Terry looked forward to. Most of the time Terry loved to write, it was the perfect outlet for her to escape the cold realities of being poor, shy and not-so pretty. Also, she had a “natural talent” for writing. I would always see her in the library helping the "other undesireables" with their essays or constantly writing in her journal. Looking back now… I realize how much circumstance can influence one’s ability to tell a story from the heart.

RE-WRITE: Creative writing was the class I believe Terry looked most forward to. She loved to write which seemed the perfect outlet from the cold realities of being poor, shy and not so pretty. Always in the library she could regularly be found either writing in her journal or helping the other 'undesirables' with their essays. She seemed happiest, then, like she was normal and accepted. Looking back now, I realize how much circumstance can influence one's ability to tell a story from one's heart.


***********************************************************


The next day Terry arrived to class late. I could see her standing outside the classroom door. Pacing back and forth while chewing her fingernails; trying to muster some confidence to enter the room. I could feel her panic. I wondered… why does she put herself through this…why won’t she just get here on time.

'late to class' CORRECT I could see here standing outside the classroom door, pacing back and forth, chewing her fingernails, trying to musher some confidence to enter. Her panic was palpable. I never could figure out why she put herself through this every day; just get here on time.

She glanced through the door window. Her expression conveyed that she was hoping and praying the class would be preoccupied with their studies. That some how they would not notice her, but in her heart she knew better.

Terry opened the door with great trepidation. A whirlwind of snickering faces and pointing fingers caused her to stumble to the floor; papers went swirling into the air; pens and pencils went rolling acoss the floor. The room roared with laughter.

RE-WRITE: Terry gingerly opened the door so as not to attract attention, but one a whirlwind of snickering faces and pointing fingers caused her to misstep and drop her ragged book bag spilling the contents all around her. The room roared with laughter

The teacher scampered to help her up and in a condescending tone reminded her, “You're late again Terry. This is starting to happen more times than not.”

WORD CHOICE: Not sure about 'scampered' to describe her movement.

Terry stuttered. “I… I’m sorry Mrs. Timbrook. It won’t happen again, I… I promise.”

STUTTERING: To show stuttering or stammering speech use the hyphen / Phony. "Ph-ph-phony"

Mrs. Timbrook told her to take her seat and Terry obliged her without hesitation.

The class continued to chuckle and make faces. It was common practice for the class to hold their noses when she sat down and today had no exceptions. They were in full force and held on to the steadfast rule, “if you did not laugh with them” you become a target of their harassment. I however, did not participate in their brutal rituals. I often pretended to be busy with homework, too busy for their convictions or too noble to descend to their level… and it worked. My disguise and impromptu acting kept me safe…just out of reach. I was the “silent witness.”

"held" not "had no" / As above, check the use of ellipses, and use commas instead. Put punctuation outside of the quotation.

In retrospect, I was the worst of the lot. However, I considered myself fortunate at that time. I was captain of the varsity cheerleading squad, and class president. I was also a very desperate overachiever, compensating for my own shortcomings, thus I felt sorry for Terry. For selfish reasons, I know now, because she and I had more in common than not.

You see… I was just one step short of being considered poor white trash; living on the outskirts of town in a two-bedroom trailer with my two brothers and mother, where my personal lifestyle was concealed. She lived on the south end of town, in a boarded up vacant house, with her younger sister, (age thirteen), two brothers, (ages five and six), mother and grandmother. The only difference was…my mother was able to pay her water bill and her mother was not. Where you stood within the strict observations of the “upper” ninth grade class was determined by what you wore and wearing the same clothes for three-straight days warranted an immediate branding and placement among the less than desirable students. I walked that tight rope, for many years to follow. She was never given the chance, at least not in her short-lived years on this earth.

ELLIPSES

Mrs.Timbrook spoke up. “Terry, since you were late, you can be the first to read your short story on where you would choose to go for a weekend getaway.”

Terry shook while she searched through her papers and replied. “I forgot to do my homework Mrs. Timbrook.”

Mrs.Timbrook tilted her head as if to imply disgust and approached Terry with her arms crossed tightly against her chest and snapped. “ No you didn't… I saw your homework when you so clumsily dropped your books. Come on now. You are wasting class time and mine!”

I glared at that teacher hoping she would feel my hatred. I thought, How cruel can she be? How could she put Terry in that position knowing how the class would react? Does she have no compassion?

RE-WRITE: I glared at Mrs. Timbrook! How cruel can she be? How could she put Terry in that position knowing the class would react? Did she have no compassion?

The class began to roar. Some were throwing papers at her while others held their noses. I began to sweat and I felt my face become flush. I could almost feel Terry’s pain. My heart began to pound against my chest, in rhythm with hers… I think, but I did nothing.

ELLIPSES

Mrs. Timbrook slapped her grade book against the chalkboard, CRACK, and yelled. “That will be enough! I can make this easy and just hand out Fs for everyone!

Don't have to announce yelling. The exclamation point does that
.

The class went silent, but the smirks on their faces remained.

Take out the 'but'. Stronger sentence.

Terry pulled out the paper titled, “A Weekend Getaway” and with a defeated and frail voice began to read…

ELLIPSES

“ To spend a weekend doing exactly what I want would be a unique experience. An escape from reality would be my only consideration. Visiting an ornate, statuesque, haunted Victorian mansion would be the perfect door to enter and escape. A shadowy, gothic-style foyer decorated with ghostly portraits of long, passed people and unfamiliar places would catapult me into another place in time. A musty scent would permeate the still, chilled air and would give evidence to years of uninterrupted seclusion. The unusual silence would lend additional testimony to that fact.”

Terry stopped reading to catch her breath and pull back her hair. She could hear the whispers. She could feel their convictions. At that moment, she slowly turned her head towards me and looked into my eyes. I felt that she was searching… almost pleading for some sort of compassion, and I gave her a tiny smile to convey my heartfelt admiration for being able to get thru this moment that has been given to her.

ELLIPSES. 'Thru should be through'.

She continued to read…

“Drawing me further from reality would be an enchanting, dark mahogany staircase. It’s antiquated grandeur and fortitude would be an alluring bridge into the unknown. Once it’s spiraling path is ascended, a labyrinth of secretive rooms would provide endless hours of adventure. Lonely spirits would welcome my presence. They would surely occupy my mind, and hide the unrelenting light of reality behind the dust covered tapestries and commiserate with my reality-torn and tortured soul.”

Punctuation outside of quotation.

Silence.

Then, an out-spoken mean girl giggled and said. "Great(!) (W)e will be reading about a suicide by some crazed student from our school tomorrow. Why do we have to deal with these kind of people?"

The class broke out in a roar of laughter and again Mrs. Timbroke threaten them with Fs.

Mrs. Timbrook again tilted her head and scratched her ear. She looked at Terry and said. “That was…how should I put this…concerning. I was looking for something with a more optimistic tone.”

I would delete 'She looked at Terry and said'. Not needed. ELLIPSES

She smacked her lips together to clean away any evidence of lunch and then told Terry to be seated. Terry sat down and with a great sweep of her pen she began to tear her homework apart. I wanted to tell her to stop…to tell her that her story was always better than everyone else’s. But I said nothing. I was ashamed of myself. How could I be such a coward? Why could I not rise above it all?

My pleas, however, would be in vain and the next day of school would shatter any hopes that I may have had for atonement.

REWRITE: 'My pleas would be in vain. The next day would shatter all my hope for atonement edment.'

The long ride on the school bus that morning seemed typical. Same kids, doing the same things except for Dana. She sat quietly and didn’t participate in the usual horseplay. She just stared out the window. Dana was one the branded undesirables but she also was one of the toughest girls in school, so her torment was far from the punishment Terry received on a daily basis. As we approached the south end of town all of the kids on the bus noticed all the fire trucks in front of Terry’s destroyed home. The bus became silent...not a whisper. Their faces were pressed against the school bus windows.

Then Carol, (one of Terry’s staunch tormenters), stood up and declared. “It’s about time that bug-infested shack burnt down! My daddy always said that it was the armpit of our community!”

Then Dana broke her silence while clutching her fists at Carol. “You just shut your mouth up! Or I will shut it for you!”

REWRITE:You shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you! Dana yelled.

Her eyes welled up with tears. I knew something far worse had happened to make someone as tough as Dana to cry. I began to pray…please don’t let this be happening.

DELETE 'to' cry'. Just cry.

Dana cried out loud…“She’s dead…they are all dead! It’s true, my daddy is a volunteer fireman and he helped put out this fire. He called home and told my mother. The chimney caught on fire. They found Terry, her brothers and sister in the upstairs bathroom. Terry was found covering them, as a mother would protect her child. They couldn’t get out because the windows were boarded up. They couldn’t get out!”

ELLIPSES

She fell to her seat sobbing. All you could hear was her sobbing. I sat silent and from that point on I was the silent witness… no chance to be the sweet, wonderful and brave child that Terry was… no chance to tell her “I’m sorry.”

ELLIPSES

I lost the ability to add the grey to show my review notes so I italicized the last few however, seems to have italicized the last bit.

With a good rewrite, tightening up sentences to say less with more and punctuation updates you will help your story.

I would put it out for review again once those edits are complete.

Keep writing and sharing your storytelling. It had a good plot.

Thanks for asking me.

writerpenman


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Zeke

Hope this finds you well, enjoying the waning weeks of your summer break.

I have been working on your first review throughout the week and sorry it is a bit late.

Here it goes.

I want to tell you what I liked, disliked and then a grammar walk through.

First and foremost, you have the nuts and bolts of an intriguing sci-fy short story and that ain't easy. You got the idea, roughed out the writing and put it out there for critique. Good job.

TITLE: I don't particularly like the title simply because the words are almost archaic today, however that may be why it works. That one 'face' being unfiltered is also a throwback. Might work from that angle.

STYLE: The blockiness of the paragraphs were tiring. If broken down into more manageable, flowing lengths more like lines of dialogue I feel it would be easier to read.

CHARACTER: Calibri is interesting. I'd like to know more beyond what you gave. Lots of cool directions this can lead the readers so I look forward to Calibris expansion; Appearance, strengths and weaknesses, desires and motivations.

PLOT: The story is intriguing and relevant with the advent of so many social media platforms it is sort of avante-garde. You are on to something Ezekiel.

AREAS TO IMPROVE: In my opinion you can rewrite this using stronger descriptive verbs in place of one's you've chosen that will take you out of the passive voice which this story is told.

GRAMMAR Your ellipses use is not needed.

I may be wrong on your use of semi-colons after the colon in place of commas in your list so double check for both of us, lol.

Spelling was on point.

Sentence length was well done with varying lengths.

There are quite a few words you repeat which drag the story and make it less readable.

EXAMPLE: Here is your first para. only with repeated words highlighted:

"Calibri gazed over hundreds of face.
This was his job - monitoring faces for the government. Row upon row of screens displaying beautiful images of people. The mouths of the faces opened and closed. A draft blew a strand of hair. Sometimes a hand would rise up onto a screen in a motion. Every face was perfect, a flawless countenance: sparkling eyes; blushing cheeks; smooth skin; hair full-bodied and radiant with color. There was hair as dark as night and hair as bright as flame, men with beards and men without. Laughter revealed straight white teeth, but the expressions of the less eccentric were just as handsome. Every face was different but all were equally beautiful. The images had reached a height of perfection; they were like angels. Real people, yes. Real faces? Maybe not."

The repetition of words is easily remedied and you will learn to tighten up your story sentence by sentence as you work your plan to get published.

WHAT IS RIGHT: The story is a good one. You gave us a character in a situation with rising action that demands us to keep reading. You are good on spelling and flow logically and build as you go. Great job Zeke.

Overall, I believe you're on a good authorial path and I for one will enjoy reading your future stories.

Hope you can keep up your writing between the AP madness.

WP

I'll hop on those other reviews shortly. In order. Real life is busy...*Bigsmile*

A few links:

https://www.livewritethrive.com/2019/04/29/how-nov...

https://writingcooperative.com/saying-more-with-le...







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lezi

Thought I'd do some random reviews and yours popped up, so away we go.

A ghoul lottery is very creative. Flash fiction can be the best device to get your creative writing juices flowing.

I think I see only one typo/spelling error: "price" instead of "prize" unless 225 is a time and not just a lottery number.

I did see" ...ground 'suddenly' shook..." would be better phrased "...ground shook suddenly..." or "violently".

Good imagination.

Keep writing.

WP




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Easter Friends  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Ha!

I love it!

I chose to do the dreaded 'Read and Review'( dreaded since I usually get a 7000 word or better story for which I dont have ample time) but yours was great.

Bright as well. Very, very Pink! :)

So, good rhymes with good word choices helped create a nice visual for me to have fun with.

Good read!

Thanks!

WP


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by writerpenman
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Mr. Kane,

Another great beginning and teaser to a story that will likely delight in its ending as much as its
beginning.

I love the 'not knowing'
I am engaged with Brad's and Emma's enigmatic journey and feel as the third of a trio contemplating an answer.

Great read. Look forward to more.

WP
19
19
Review of A Moment's Peace  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Mr. Kane

This is as solid a piece of literature as I have read on Writing DC.

I knew where I was, what time of year and time of day and whom I was following all in the first paragraph. Well done.

Action was smooth with rising tension handled wonderfully.

A little humor sidled with mounting mystery kept it an easy 'page turner'.

Thanks for the good read.

WP

20
20
Review of Noticing Newbies  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi

Welcome to WDC.

For starters I would peruse the links at the top of the page and get a good feel for WWDC.

Second I'd add your bio so people get to know more about you.

Third, start a blog about your eveyday shenanigans or go back in time and tell us a few stories from the past to keep yourself in the writing mood and good story ideas will crop up as you reminisce.

Finally, start reviewing stories for authors who are requesting. Drop down menu, upper left and scroll to read and review. It helps you see where you are in your ability to pen a work as to those around you.

Good luck.

WP



21
21
Review of Game Models  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.5)
OMgoodness!

LOL I love this ie; I visualized the entire scenario and now I want to augment my reality.

This is a no brainer of a story and idea.

If this were real I would be knocking down doors to get it. Sheesh I'm loving merely the idea.

Great concept. Good execution.

Keep writing!

WP
22
22
Review of Broken  
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Delora,

Heartfelt words as a tribute to your little boy. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into a private, tender moment you shared with your son.

I believe you left out a few words so Ill help you there:

Line 2: "...biggest ?" Biggest what exactly?

Line 9: "...he just happens my little boy..." I believe you left out "to be".

Line 10: Just a typo "Il" should "I'll".

Other that grammatical, rest is good.

Keep writing.

WP
23
23
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it.

I can see it, smell it and sense it. Effective visceral description.

Rhymes are good and I think give good visuals to the scenes.

I believe it works very well.

With a "Hi De Hi and Ho De Ho" I wholeheartedly approve and give it two thumbs up!

Keep it up. Nice job.

WP


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by writerpenman
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it.

I can see it, smell it and sense it. Effective visceral description.

Rhymes are good and I think give good visuals to the scenes.

I believe it works very well.

With a "Hi De Hi and Ho De Ho" I wholeheartedly approve and give it two thumbs up!

Keep it up. Nice job.
25
25
Review by writerpenman
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello EOI writing

After reading your poem several times here is my summation.

You paint a very literal canvas with images of pending doom and forever love.

Your visuals lead me through a tale of hope and hopelessness.

Your narrative paces the reader well; a plodding down the road of life and well worn love.

This could very well be the flashback explaining the 'when' and 'how' of a dystopian novel.

I enjoyed the journey.

WP


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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