Hey I really liked this story. I loved the description and the character development here. I did have a few suggestions if I may please. Though this story is good I feel more could be added to it to give the reader an idea what occurred. Why was he still there? Had he killed himself and this was his spirit left behind watching? I am gathering this is what went on but I would suggest maybe adding a little more detail to the story to give the reader more information on what occurred to get him in this predicament. I am also interested in learning more about the female character. Was that an ex? Is she also dead?
This one sentence below I was confused with I'm wondering if you want to reword it.
Spasms in his calf muscle forced him to stand, never taking the weapons sight from the door.
Overall I truly liked the story. I hope you find this review useful. I am still getting back into my own writing so I am by no means an expert. These are just my suggestions. I hope this helps you. This was a fantastic piece. Keep writing.
Wow I have to say this is a poem written straight from the heart. Your words describe so painfully and thoughtfully the passion of losing ones children to their ex. I could feel the emotion sting through each word you wrote. I can sympathize with the character going through this through the colorful description of each painstaking moment she entails.
I would love to read more of your work. Great piece. I love the emotion n this!
Hi there. I just wanted to say I read this snippet for your first chapter and the description in this scene is great. I could visualize the towering mountains being masqueraded in the sun set. I love the hint of story you put in here with the woman and Meddeous it really gives the reader that spark to read more.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Great writing.
Hey there Taylor. I have to tell you I normally don't read poems but when I saw the title and seen it appeared to be in the Horror Genre it peaked my interest. I must say I am quite impressed with this piece of work. It flows so perfectly. You truly get a sense of the character going through some kind of either physical or mental change of some sort. Have you thought about going on more with it possibly turning it into a story or novel. This is good stuff.
Hi there John. I truly enjoyed reading this. What a fascinating idea!! Imagine the possibilities of being able to change your personality, weight, height with the simple click of a mouse in reality. I think it's a very good idea. I'd like to read more. I would definitely think this is something you can develop on. Here is just one possible scenario. I am sure there are more with this concept. Suppose a evil man ran into one of these devices and stole it from your main character and used it to deceive the world. Here is a scenario say this man was about to be put to death on the electric chair. Somehow he runs into your main character and uses this device to switch places with him. There are so many possibilities with this idea. I really can't wait to read more about it. Great job.
I thought this was a great opening for either a novel or short story. It had me pulled into the story from the very beginning. The description of Nao and her inability to get on time for class and constantly throwing up has me wondering what more this story has to offer. I think this was well done. Nao's behavior and responses is quit intriguing. I can't wait to read more of it. Excellent job!!
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