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367 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
Review of Fresh Meat  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a good story.

I enjoyed your description of Burt's character and his techniques.

I also enjoyed him getting his comeuppance in the ending.

However, I think you used to much description. I got to much detail which made the story hard to follow at times. Maybe you can try and cut out some of the redundant descriptions. I don't think it is necessary to say something more than once.

Still you told an interesting story. With a little work it can be very good.

Write on.
77
77
Review of Darling  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I was caught and hooked on this story from the first paragraph.

You started well and kept on going.

I think you did an excellent job at showing the twisted love this character felt for Joanne.

I also thought the ending was good as well.

You did a good job with this.

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78
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thought the story started off intriguing if a little confusing.

However, you did a good job of leading me into it, especially when the man threw her off the ledge.

The scenes of her climbing the divots was really good. I could see her agonozing climb. I thought it was very suspenseful.

I loved the part where Lucifer lied.

I understood the beginning from the ending. A circular story.

Nicely done.
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79
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think camping is fun. But I can definitely understand the other side of it

:)
80
80
Review of Route Six  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting story. I always wondered what would happen if characters in novels were actually real.

I think the story moved slow at times. There were spots where I had a hard time reading. That may have been because you put all the background in the front. Perhaps try to interject the background into the actual story. Just a thought.

You have an interesting concept.

Write on
81
81
Review of Home Again  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (3.5)
I had a difficult time getting into this. You started off well but it was hard following.

I would suggest indenting the paragraphs and putting a space between each paragraph. That helps with the flow

I think it is also good to keep dialogue by itself and not to intersperse it within a paragraph if at all possible.

i didn't understand the ending.

Was the horse the ghost?

I think with a little revision this can be quite good.

Write On
82
82
Review of The Lake  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You did well with this. You definitely took this story in a different direction then the prombt indicated!

It took me a while to get caught up into the story but I was caught towards the end. I think you had a great ending which was even better because it left you carefully hid the true shape of the monster.

Nicely done.
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83
Review of The Stone  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was creepy. I loved how you set it up from the very beginning. I have to admit though I was unsure what was going on but you led me in quite nicely.

You left us with questions about your main character. Wondering what he traded his soul for exactly and what the stone did.

But that is okay. A nice story.
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84
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am mad at you :) You broke my dark mood. Blast you. Why cant you let me be depressed?

I have to constantly fight my depression. I have to constantly feel my mind with positive thoughts.

Thank you for more positive thoughts.
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85
Review of A Jump in Time  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
You did a good job with the words you had. You also put in the prombts very well to make the story believable even though a bit odd.

nice job

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86
Review of No More Holidays  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think you make some good points. I think the taking Christmas out is an attack on christians.

However, not all non-christians see it that way. Many of them just see it as having respect for people of different faiths who celebrate that holiday. Of course, if you are a different faith then why celebrate Christmas? It seems you are milking a christmas holiday.

I wonder if we can milk Ramadan? Or Hanneukah? :)
87
87
Review of He Did It For Me  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a perfect poem for the grace of God.

Nice Job
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88
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
So the real Santa kidnapped the little creep and made him into an elf? Perfect ending to a good tale. I really enjoyed this. I think you may have used to much description and perhaps longer paragraphs then you should of, but overall very entertaining.

Nice Job

Keep writing.
89
89
Review of One Late Night  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Man what a story A friend offers to lend aid and this is the thanks she gets. Still, you did a good job here. I confess I was a little confused not sure what was going on in the beginning.

But I do like the ending, it wasn't what I expected.

Good job
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90
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I too have struggled with my purpose. I too had pieces broken off that I would have preferred to keep.

I to must learn how to trust the sculptors hands. Not an easy task. But if one has difficulty trusting the sculptor hands, look into His heart.

Good job.
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91
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
I too deal with people who say there is no proof of God's existence. I keep telling them that is because they don't want to see.
Good job of making this point.
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92
Review of Halfway  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
You touched on something we all share. I think everyone who follows the Lord meets Him halfway at some point or another.

Thanks for sharing.
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93
Review of Teenage Anorexia  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought this was a great potrayel of an anorexic. I have never been that way or known anyone who has. But every thing i ever read fits your description.


Good job.
94
94
Review of My Visit to ER  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading about your experience. I thought you used great detail in describing everything that went on during your stay at the hospital. It was easy to draw the picture in my mind. You did a great job in adding touches of humour.

Good job.
95
95
Review of The Last Guardian  
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I thought this was good. I often wondered what animals feel when we kill them. You did a good representation of an insect colony taken out by the exterminator.
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96
Review of The Eagle's Talon  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought this was a good adaption of the story. Your story flowed well it was easy to read.

I have a couple of comments to make. These are just observations so please forgive me if I missed something which is easy to do.

When the original owner of the Eagles claw smiles at Roger, the smile that doesn't reflect in his eyes, I think it would be better to play out the sinister aspect of that more. I am thinking of perhaps 'Finally he snapped back, giving a smile that didn't reflect in his eyes'. I think you can play that again when the seller talks to Roger for the last time. Just to add a touch of suspense.

I did like the reference to the Eagle you kept bringing up in the child's dream and with the gamboler. That was good symbolism.

How did Wade know where Roger worked if he only used his last name? Did I miss something? If I didn't you might want to reword that section a little.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. I wonder what would have happened if Roger's wishes weren't so selfish.
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97
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think you stated the relationship perfectly. I cant think of any criticism. Good Job!
98
98
Review of Barbarian Fight  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I to want to learn how to write combat scenes.
Overall you did a good job.
Here are some things that I noticed.
1)In the first paragraph and second paragraph you described the killing of one man. I think you could combine those paragraphs so it would flow easier. I don't like 'a fatal wound to be sure' perhaps you can just say he sliced a fatal wound in the man's belly. Or perhaps you could comment that the barbarian knew the wound was fatal by a quick glance.

I understand you were writing this just to hone your battle writing skills so I dont want to be to critical. So overall as I said before you did well.
99
99
Review of Funny joke  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was rough! But I have to admit I like it. Did you come up with it?
100
100
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very well done.
This story brought up some great issues. How the 'sinner' showed compassion and how the 'saints' drove on by.
I think you handled a difficult issue with a great touch.
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