I liked the way you began this. I was able to get into the character and his situation from the very beginning.
Also, I thought your short paragraphs made this easy to read. There was only one grammatical error that I noticed. At the end of the second paragraph there should be a space between the and wind.
However, I am not to fond of the ending. I would have liked to see more conflict. I think Tom went down to easy :).
Still, overall nicely written.
That is a good but sad story. Still, It is good to know that the boy was able to make the right decision. I would probably stay the dragonfly to. I would hope the girl would some day find out what he did. I don't know the original story but this looks like a nice translation. Nice Job.
Thank you for your comments. It does put things in perspective. It is sad, very sad, to hear people's attitudes towards the victims of Katrina. Granted, like you said, there were some who brought that on themselves. But, not everybody. Some people may not learn until the disaster is on their door step. Thanks again.
If what you say is true than nobody is saved on this earth because everybody sins.
Romans 7:14 'For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.' Paul here was referring to his flesh. Later on he says. 7.20 'Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin dwells in me'.
1 John 2:1 'My little children, these things i write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous' If no christian ever sinned why would we need an Advocate?
the clincher
1 John 1:8 'If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us'.
We are saved from the power of sin that is true but christians still have their flesh to deal with and until either we die or the Lord comes we will still struggle with our own flesh and we will still sin. Jesus died for all our sins, past, present and future. He had to we weren't even born when he died.
Very good analysis. I will save this so I can review it or perhaps share it with others. I have often been troubled by the assumptions of evolutionists that they are right and everyone else is wrong. I think they do that on purpose because nobody wants to be wrong. I think it is an agenda, personally. I always wanted to ask if we evolved from apes, why are there still apes? :). Good writing.
That is hard. I can't imagine anyone having a job like that. I have to admit though someone would make a lot of money if he got to keep it. :) Very amusing. Good job.
I thought this was very good. You described the character well. You potrayed youthful lust and obsession very well. Overall I thought you did a good job. I can imagine what Frank saw in Kate were her feelings for him. Except he never made his move. I wonder what happened to him? Good writing.
I thought this was very enjoyable. You told this very well. I was caught in it from the very beginning. I take it that Jimmy killed the narrators parents. If so, why did he wait so long to do it? Still that mystery adds flavor to your story. Very good writing.
I liked this. I liked the way you started this slowly bringing the character slowly to life. I also liked the way you ended it. I enjoy the concept of redemption especially for the supposedly unredeemable. I wish you could have perhaps gone a bit deeper into the characters background but still nicely done.
I liked the plot and the story. However, it pretty seems over with doesn't it? I could see maybe his parent's killers coming after Jacob or the papers he has? Or maybe his parents could show up and communicate with him in some way? I would have liked to see more supernatural encounters with his parents.
This was sad but good. It is hard for me to imagine the kind of mentality that would do something like that but yet somehow I can. I gather that you based your story on an actual news story. I really enjoyed it and I can't think of any criticism.
I thought this was good. Several things I enjoyed about it.
1)It was creepy
2) your descriptions were good
3) the ending was a twist from what I expected
The only suggestion I will make is I think you can space your paragraphs better which will make it easier to read
Also I think your transitions from scenes in the end was sloppy. It was difficult to tell when the scene shifted.
That is a wonderful story. You are absolutely right. We must be open to God's Holy Spirit. Yes, there have been abuses of gifts and there will still be abuses of gifts. But we must not let that stop us from responding to God the best way we know how.
I thought this was really good. You set up the characters from the beginning. I could clearly see the boy's lonliness. I was suprised that George wasn't a real dog. though. I think your ending was good too. It was a good touch that the father was able to see a little bit into his son's lonliness. Good Job!
I think this was very well written. The ending was predictable but thats okay. For the most part you kept the story tight with few wasted words. You had a nice beginning and the story flowed well from there. I did notice one misspelling which I commented on in the edit points. I wish I knew how to use these edit points :)
I liked this. I thought it was short, sweet and to the point. I liked the question at the end. One suggestion i would make is that your sentences are too long. For example in the beginning "As her father’s job demanded, they usually had to shift into weird places like these but this one was just too different and not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here."
I "not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here could be a separate sentence. Like maybe "Try as she might, she couldn't feel comfortable in here." That was just a suggestion. But I think breaking up your sentences would make this easier to read. Overall, I think this was good for a beginner :)
I thought this was very good. You did a good job introducing this character. I liked the thought of potraying his maker as some shadowy figure without any name, it adds suspense to the story. I also like how this character has a choice to be good but the capacity to do evil. He still has his desires. The only suggestion I can think of is perhaps describing his powers more. Overall a good job.
This was a strong definition of the salvation experience, letting Jesus into your heart to wipe away your sins and bring you new hope. I thought this was very well said. I admit I have trouble letting Jesus in but I am getting better every day. I hope other people will do the same.
I thought this was amusing. There could have been a little too much detail. Maybe make more paragraphs so following the narrative could be easier. Still, I enjoyed the story. Was this truly a true story? Well, irregardless, I have to admit that would be quite spooky to experience. Keep writing
I think this is brillant. A good start, great middle and a good end which is a delightful twist. Of course it is funny that the repo ads are right on your story. Did you plan it that way? Do you have any more twilight-like stories. This could actually be an episode.
This was good. You used a lot of strong descriptions. I thought your sentences and paragraphs flowed quite nicely as well. I would be interested to read more of what you have in mind.
I thought this was a heart-warming piece about the type of man I guess a lot of people wish they could be. I enjoyed how this woman kept the picture of this man in her heart throughout all the stages of her life. It is romantic in a sense that they were so close but yet never married. Good job.
I enjoyed that. It was short and sweet. So many people today have things they want to say and it seems as if nobody is listening. I can relate to that in my life as well.
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