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367 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this was really good. You set up the characters from the beginning. I could clearly see the boy's lonliness. I was suprised that George wasn't a real dog. though. I think your ending was good too. It was a good touch that the father was able to see a little bit into his son's lonliness. Good Job!
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127
Review of Monster  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I think this was very well written. The ending was predictable but thats okay. For the most part you kept the story tight with few wasted words. You had a nice beginning and the story flowed well from there. I did notice one misspelling which I commented on in the edit points. I wish I knew how to use these edit points :)
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Review of The Mystery Man  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked this. I thought it was short, sweet and to the point. I liked the question at the end. One suggestion i would make is that your sentences are too long. For example in the beginning "As her father’s job demanded, they usually had to shift into weird places like these but this one was just too different and not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here."
I "not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here could be a separate sentence. Like maybe "Try as she might, she couldn't feel comfortable in here." That was just a suggestion. But I think breaking up your sentences would make this easier to read. Overall, I think this was good for a beginner :)
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129
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I thought this was very good. You did a good job introducing this character. I liked the thought of potraying his maker as some shadowy figure without any name, it adds suspense to the story. I also like how this character has a choice to be good but the capacity to do evil. He still has his desires. The only suggestion I can think of is perhaps describing his powers more. Overall a good job.
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Review of The Dragon Rises  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You started the story off well, a sentence about the terrible day to come. Then you started describing the day, introducing the main character and his family. I think it is a good beginning. The only suggestion I would make at this junction is to perhaps add some actual words from the song about rainbows.
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131
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a strong definition of the salvation experience, letting Jesus into your heart to wipe away your sins and bring you new hope. I thought this was very well said. I admit I have trouble letting Jesus in but I am getting better every day. I hope other people will do the same.
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Review of A Blue Hero  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought this was good. I think the colors are an interesting concept. I think you can do something with the other colors as well. Perhaps red can be an extremely warlike species. Black could be death mages. I thought the Blue slave could misenchant the club so it looks powerful but it is really not. But I guess he was too cowed to think of that. Good job.
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133
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thought this was amusing. There could have been a little too much detail. Maybe make more paragraphs so following the narrative could be easier. Still, I enjoyed the story. Was this truly a true story? Well, irregardless, I have to admit that would be quite spooky to experience. Keep writing
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Review of Fear the Repo Man  
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I think this is brillant. A good start, great middle and a good end which is a delightful twist. Of course it is funny that the repo ads are right on your story. Did you plan it that way? Do you have any more twilight-like stories. This could actually be an episode.
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135
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was good. You used a lot of strong descriptions. I thought your sentences and paragraphs flowed quite nicely as well. I would be interested to read more of what you have in mind.
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136
Review of Bill's Story  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This was very depressing but all to realistic for many people. I thought you did a good job describing Bill's present life and past memories. One criticism I would have is that I think your paragraphs in the beginning were too long. Perhaps they could be broken down better. But overall I did enjoy it.
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137
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good analogy :). Of course the demon inside oneself can never truly be gone. But if faced it can be dealt with. Good job.
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138
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed this. I thought the dialogue was good and the plot twist was excellent. Good job.
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139
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was great! You used great descriptions and had a good theme. I thought it was funny that they forgot the dog :) But, it worked out in the end. Good Job.
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Review of Family Ties  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I thought this was well-written and intriguing. It seemed strange that the investigator would suspect the father on such flimsy evidence. But, you made it quite clear later on that the P.I was on the right track, just the wrong guy. Oh btw, i figured out it was the son a couple of paragraphs before you mentioned it: :). Still, a good job
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Review of Letters to David  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a heart-warming piece about the type of man I guess a lot of people wish they could be. I enjoyed how this woman kept the picture of this man in her heart throughout all the stages of her life. It is romantic in a sense that they were so close but yet never married. Good job.
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Review of Listen  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed that. It was short and sweet. So many people today have things they want to say and it seems as if nobody is listening. I can relate to that in my life as well.
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143
Review of Break Down  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this. Very suspensefull. Great descriptions. I didn't even know the main character was a woman until halfway through the story. I did figure out that she was the killer after you described her rape scene. But apparently she doesn't remember doing it. Apparently, she somehow thinks the guys who she killed were the guy who raped her. Still, very good.
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144
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have no love of wrestling but I believed you captured the heart and soul of this man. I thought your farewell was honest and heart felt. It made even a non-fan like myself understand and appreciate the character of this man.
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145
Review of Nightmare  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found it interesting that Michelle's spirit wanted her to join it in her grave. Was she dead and not realizing it for some reason? Or was the spirit pretending to be her spirit. Of course she could have been sleepwalking and had that terrible dream :). There is a lot of questions that aren't answered but for a short piece, it is pretty good.
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Review of The Blind  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I enjoyed the beginning of this piece. I thought your descriptions were good when you were describing Angelo and the scenery he was walking through on his way to the Fixer's shop. There was one sentence in the beginning that confused me it begins 'Dusk: like a fire along the distant horizon...'. Where you trying to say it was evening?
Even though I enjoyed the beginning, I have to say you lost me when Francis entered the picture. I couldn't tell what was happening. The action didn't flow like it did in the beginning.
Even though I feel this needs work, I still think it is good. Keep on writing !
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147
Review of Subway  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this story. At first I find it hard to get into but I plowed on through and it got better as I continued on. What I liked about it was the mystery, who or what was killing those people. At the ending, I thought it could have been James in some sort of hideous alter-ego. I have to admit I didn't like it when he died. But that is just because I don't like bad endings. I am the type that wants to see evil destroyed in a story but I know that isn't the way things work sometimes. Overall, good job
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