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100 Public Reviews Given
100 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Friendship  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this. It's very personal ( the repeated use of "your" works well)- it's also simple and clear. I have no doubt that the person you wrote it for will treasure it always.
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Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.0)
I was drawn to the title- which is wonderful.

If I understand you correctly, in the first stanza says that memory becomes more and more intense- like a waterfall- and yet no longer exists ( last line) As a reader I need a bit of clarification here.

I like " nightmare dew" in the second stanza but I'm unhappy with " it extinct the miracle of knowing" Do you need " extinguishes"
here ?

I'm not sure about the last line.

I think this is the core of a good poem, but I feel you need to make the theme ( the fluidity of memory) more explicit. Play around with what you have. Don't be afraid to move sections around, change the words- just to hear how it feels when you read it aloud- and you'll get the final version.
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Review of Live  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.0)
This works as a moment of realisation, a pivot point where everything changes. It's a tough thing to write about and it works well. My one criticism is the layout. I'm not sure whether you've laid it out as prose or poetry.Experiment with different line lengths- remember that the first word in every line always has added emphasis, as does the last.

I think I'm trying to say this. You've picked the beautiful flowers- now arrange them in a vase.
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Review of Poems?  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the second poem " Fire Alarm" more than the first. I like the short lines, the repetition ( which works here but doesn't in the first poem) I like the way you describe the NOISE of the fire- that was something I hadn't thought of. The repetition of " thhey couldn't get to here" is superb.

" Fire Alarm" really engaged me. You create suspense, terror and sadness with a great economy of style.

Thank you. I'm glad I came across your poem.
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Review of Afterlife  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this minimalist poem- it's clear, lean ( no spare fat) and it's got a kick in the last word.

Good stuff
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31
Review of My Calling  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like this poem- I like the shape of it, for a start. Poems with a shape always get the reader's attention more than those who don't. I like the tone- strong, confident- " I write for emotions/Not for your shelf" is superb writing- condensed, powerful.

If I have any criticisms they are concerned with rhythm- "words of understanding and trust" stumbles a little, as does "Good or eveil, however you choose to see" - but rhythm is always a problem to every poet. Once you're committed to a strict rhythm scheme, then that can decide what you say- the poem runs out of your control. On the other hand- no rhythm ( ie just prose) is often limp and uninteresting. It's a problem which never goes away and keeps us all writing.

Thanks for this- it has real value. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.
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Review of Trembling steps  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is lovely- you pick a good subject- the relationship between a good teacher and a good pupil- and your narrator changes and develops throughout his/her career. If I have any criticism, it is this- the rhyme scheme is rather uncertain and awkward in places. Don't feel that poems have to rhyme- they don't. Some times you can do the job with rhythm and imagery. What I'm really trying to say is this- I don't think you need rhyme here- you do the job without it.

A lovely poem. Thank you.
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Review of For A Housewife  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved reading this- it's modest, gentle, intimate. I particularly like the third verse- " she lights a candle of happiness in the house" is beautiful and you go on to develop it.

A poem like this could be sentimental and over emotional- but this one isn't. You strike exactly the right note. You put over the message with delicacy and grace.
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Review of Life Advice  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.5)
Short, straightforward and punchy. I particularly like the last two lines
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Review of Love Poem  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.5)
Short sharp and effective. I prefer the first version. " we should fall" looks as though it's there to complete the rhyme, rather than complete the meaning.

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Review of Thin month  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this. You work with simple vocabulary and complex ideas. Take that second line " cold, green and bitter"- the contradictions between all three words start off a whole series of resonances. March is the worst month- all the long winter behind and nothing yet- maybe a cruel promise- to come.

I think you need punctuation after 'remembered.'


You pay a homage to TS Eliot- but that's fine- this poem stands on its own feet. Very powerful.
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Review of unititled  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this-it's got energy and drive. It's direct and yet touching as well. I like the cleverness of:

"I lose track as she smiles back
all the while i smile back "

It's beautifully romantic- and it's nice that the two lovers are adults - they "pretend like they were young"

I've tried really hard to find something to criticise- and I can't..

Just a random thought- is it a song lyric ? And if it isn't, should it be ?
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Review of How It Came To Be  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.0)
What I like first about this poem is its honesty. This is not a pretended, overblown emotion- it's genuine, and therefore it affects the reader. I like the fluent, easy style- you don't force rhyme or rhythm on the reader - there is a rhythm there- but it's natural and helps the meaning come through. I like the way you don't over simplify- we never feel just one emotion- love/hate/anger- what we feel about people is always complex.

It all rings true- and that's the most important thing in poetry- and also the hardest to achieve.

This is a fine, honest poem. You should be proud of it
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Review of Dear Dad!  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is superb- it's an angry, uncompromising piece of writing and it works superbly well. I particularly like
"my face is wet from her teardrops"
"nights of silent tears"
"sucked from her mountains of passion"

I'm not quite sure about " made her an attic winter river" "attic ?" For me it means either a room at the top of the house or something to do with ancient Greece.But maybe I'm missing something here.

There's real power here, genuine emotion and a real personal voice. Thank you. I loved reading it.
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Review of Water to Drink  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.0)
If you're going to have a strict rhyme scheme- and a rhythm scheme as well- you've got to do it well. And you do. It's funny, clever, witty and it made me smile.

You only falter with " Yet with a taste we'd rather know not" which is a little bit forced.

But I'm struggling to find faults here. This is great- and it made me smile. Thank you.
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Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well written and interesting to read. This is a text book example of good transactional English.
You organise what you want to say. There are clear links between one topic and another. You use varied sentence length, You are technically accurate ( sentence structure, spelling)

This piece does its job perfectly- you set out to compare home shopping and a visit to the shopping mall- and that's exactly what you do. Well done- I liked this.
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Review of A beat of blood  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful ! You manage to make the drum and the heart totally real !
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Review of The Price  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.0)
It works well for me. You explore the theme of "golden lads and lasses...turn to dust" sensitively. Perhaps the last rhyme - lost/cost is a little forced. Maybe you have to balance the slight awkwardness of the sentence structure against a strong final rhyme. But I really enjoyed redaing it. Thank you.
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Review of Empty days  
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the directness-it's a personal appeal and works well. I particularly like:
"Someone to be the rhythm for your heartbeat"

Lovely.

Don't be too tied down by rhyme and rhythm, though- may be the foolish/wish line at the start is a bit forced.

Thank you- I liked this.
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45
Review by Butler Yeats
Rated: E | (3.0)
The emotion is clear and powerful- sadness expressed in a moving way- but don't get too hung up on rhyme and rhythm. Don't let the mechanics of the poem dictate what you want to say. Experiment with line length, abandon rhyme and see where it takes you. Rules are there to be broken.
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