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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zehzeh
Review Requests: ON
72 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this, so true.
2
2
Review of Brownies  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
It made me smile
3
3
Review of The Appointment  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very different!
It bounces along with nice touches of horror, despair and resignation.

Keep on rhyming!
4
4
Review of The Climb  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant!
Pace, drama, tension, a touch of black humor!
5
5
Review of Sign of the Times  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now that tells a story, succinctly!
6
6
Review of Sketching in Tree  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely, capturing the moment expertly
7
7
Review of Obsessed  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wonderfully creepy.
8
8
Review of ODE TO A HELMET  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E
A salutary tale! (In the UK the law is to wear a helmet.)
The rhyming couplets work well but you might like to think about a pair for 'As a member of the heavenly Host.' On the other hand, the missing line does bring the poem to an unexpected stop - rather like poor Charlie.
I think, also, that the syllable rhythm could do with a bit of polishing, it kind of stumbles here and there. Do a syllable and stress count on the lines and see what you think.
Spelling and stuff like that is ok.
I do like the humourous way you treat the subject, it hits home the message so much better than a ream of lectures. I also like the way that you point out that Charlie wears his leathers, if you've ever done a slider from a bike, you will know how they save your skin, and the flesh underneath. Again, it underlines the consequences of Charlie's momentary lapse.
Overall - a really good effort, well done!

Have your gift points back - you deserve them.
9
9
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a great twist. I'll forgive the American spelling of my native tongue (You guys always leave out 'u' !) I enjoyed reading this. Good characterisation, minimal, but obvious, setting, realistic dialogue and the pace is fast enough without being breathless.

Keep on writing!
10
10
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a brilliant story! I love the way the full horror of the story unfolds, clue by little clue. The way the narrator's insanity builds a graphic picture, using the fluttering butterfly to lead him further astray and deeper into evil only had its impact after I had finished reading it.

I wish I could turn out such a masterful story!
11
11
Review of I want to teach  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I sympathise with the poem. As an ex-teacher, all I can say is, keep the stars in your eyes, but be prepared for more paperwork than you ever thought possible. The profession needs people with stars.

Worth coming 2nd to.

Zehzeh
12
12
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the line:
'The beauty of autumn is seen in the distance.'
And the way you have adapted it in the last stanza.

To me, the rhythm of the lines is a bit chunky, the beat staggers along here and there, maybe you could try counting syllables? Or ask yourself is this word actually necessary?

Linking the stanzas together with the repition of the last line is a good idea - so when I came to the last verse I stumbled, but it does work, making me think about the autumn/winter change.

Overall - it needs a bit more work, but I do like the imagery.
13
13
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Amazing how we sort of run along parallel lines!

I like it, the imagery in the first part is very strong and the way you lead into the multiple confusions of life.

I wonder what is at the end - I guess we all find out - eventually.

Good luck, fellow traveller!
14
14
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
OOOOooo! I like the tension you build up in the story and the cliffhanger ending.

A couple of points to improve on, think about 'dramatise, not tell' - if fingers are drumming on a desk, then that builds the atmosphere, no need to tell the reader that impatience is the cause. Have a look through and see if you can see others. If you can edit out the tellings and keep in the dramatics, you will have more words for story.

Overall, I liked it, it is a story with potential. What happens next? Write another 'chapter'!
15
15
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of rabid nonsense. I'm going to have another go in a minute, but I managed to have police with giraffes in their pockets, I wonder if they are the Species Squad?
16
16
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
A thought- and action-provking poem, hitting home accurately. Random acts of kindness, even just a beaming smile, make this world a cheerier place.
I can't see anything that jumps out at me as a point for improvement.
Well done, keep up the good work!
17
17
Review of For Her  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
A lovely example of a cinquain, and it fits the picture so well!
Well done.
18
18
Review of Barren  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.5)
A tearing cry from the depths of being alone - I hesitate to say lonliness, it is both more and less than that. The last line is the barb, without it, this poem would be only a dismal rant, with that last comment about feeling alive lifts the whole work to a higher plane. I cannot say that I like it but that is because of the content, it does move me and I applaud it - bravo! (In the same way, I don't like being unhappy, but if there is no contrast of emotions, how do you recognise happiness?)
Keep on expressing yourself.
19
19
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (2.5)
A nice rendering of growing out of being afraid of the dark - well, almost growing out of it.

I feel that some of the lines don't flow as well as they could have, for example:

Sometimes I cry, I weep,
At the world until dawn,
For there’s a night-time creep,
To this I have no brawn

It's the last line that I think stumbles a little - the rhyme feels forced rather than natural.

On the other hand:

Now I am much older,
A newly grown woman,
Am I any bolder?
I think perhaps I am

feels more natural - it flows without stumbling and makes a good counterpoint at the end.

Overall: A good effort, the whole poem encapsulates that moment when you begin to realise that that there is (probably) nothing to be afraid of - maybe...
Well done! Keep on rhyming.
20
20
Review of Party Platter  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wonderful! A real chuckle!
The story flows well and the way you have used poetry to relate the tale fits well. The twist at the end is clever.
Keep on rhyming!
21
21
Review of Release  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting poem, the physical shape draws the eye into the text and echoes the story line.
The sonnet structure works well with the subject.
I like it
22
22
Review of Take the time  
Review by Zehzeh
Rated: E | (3.0)
I love the message of this poem - how much of life do we miss by rushing around?
A couple of spelling errors - weather - rain or shine do you mean 'whether' or not?
I liked it - pause for a second to enjoy this poem.
Z
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