|The storyline that you have developed has great comedic potential.
There are some points that could do with improvements.
When you plan a story, either on paper, or in your head, plan in paragraphs. Each para is a change of topic, or a new person speaking. Make sure you are consistent in separating them clearly, either by an indent or space. Like this.
Your use of commas is a bit random. Always put a space after a comma. When you are splitting speech put the commas in the right place, like this:
'Hello,' he said, 'Where did I put that comma?'
Look carefully at the sentence length. Each one is a single idea. A long sentence slows down the action, makes the reader pause for breath and calms down the action. A short sentence is a shock. A punch. Bang!
Remember to show, not tell. For example:
'Katie was 6'1,145 pounds,had black hair, brown eyes covered by glasses,large breasts were covered by a red t-shirt,large hips and a bubble butt which was covered by a pink skirt.' TELLS us exactly what Katie looked like. Alas, it is also a trifle tedious. Give hints that allow the reader to work out the description, trust me, they like to do it. How about this?
Taller than average and as curvy as a coke bottle, Katie had the all colouring of her Italian mother and all the dress sense of her aunt. Only she would squeeze her ample upper into a scarlet tee that clashed admirably with a fluorescent pink skirt, straining over her rear end.'
My words, my style. Your voice is there, in your head, listen to it and take your time to put it down.
The essence of comedy is timing (sentence length helps) and the unexpected. Build up expectations, make it clear what is going to happen. Then do something outrageously different. What if they uprooted the tree with Katie still stuck?
When the joke is told, the punch line delivered, stop. Your audience needs time to laugh and applaud.
Cut the last two paragraphs, just wind up with a simple one-liner. I have no idea what.
Remember the Ps in a pod.
Plan in Paragraphs, Punctuate and Proofread. Plenty of times.
Do not be downhearted! You told a good story, you kept a consistent viewpoint, you developed the theme. It had a beginning, a middle, an end. There was tension and conflict. All the ingredients to make a tasty morsel.
Write on! You CAN do it.