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Review Requests: ON
566 Public Reviews Given
567 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am thorough. The technical aspects are important to me as much as if the story makes sense. The word "cruel" has been used before when responding to a review I've given, but in an appreciative and kind way.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Comedy
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Public Reviews
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Review of Rainbow Palette  
Review by Than Pence
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm picking up that this talks about a break-up with someone and the relationship was one that wasn't working, despite the fact that you both love each other. Thinking about the person brings back sweet memories and bitterness b/c you know you'll never work as a unit but you will always still love them, as distinguished but the "candle that still burns", which could represent the love. Let me know if I missed the point completely b/c I've been known to do so quite often.
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Review by Than Pence
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow. This is some extremely creative stuff. The fact that you warned away religious people actually drew me to it and I'm glad b/c it is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. It's like something you might hear someone just jabber off while they' were drunk or something. I love this line about Froz T: "*sigh* Nobody wants to attend a music festival called “Give a hoot don’t polluza”" I chuckled muchly. Yes, some religious types will get offended by some of the stuff, like Jesus becoming a battlebot and being defeated by Megasanta (It's so true though!) but who gives a crap about them! Write on!
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Review by Than Pence
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow, so many helpful notions for such a newbie as myself. I didn't realize we could sponsor our own items b/c that seems to enter a "shameful" plug but since we can, maybe I'll do just that. Actually, since I've joined, I've done three of the five things listed. That is, I've reviewed like craziness, I've plugged myself on the Shameless Plug Page and I've entered contests. I will now give the newsletters a look too b/c I didn't think they contained anything useful.
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Review of MULLIGAN  
Review by Than Pence
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Just like the other I read, this one is great though it has a few more grammatical errors. They don't annoy but they are present. It's very true that we all wish to go back to some big moment in our lives and change it with our present knowledge but I'd rather it be real and not in my mind. Poor Jones, but at least he died a happy man. One small glitch for me: When he goes back in time, Jones mentions to Hope a school that he can teach at (I like her name, too. It tells of how he lost all hope when he realized he truly lost Hope). This isn't mentioned when he's thinking about the past and it seems like he wouldn't remember that b/c he didn't come to tell her about it in the first place. He came to dump her. See what I mean? Also, he seems only regular happy and not ecstatically happy to be with Hope again, though that's totally an author's choice. Again, great job. The stories I've read so far really just pull you in and make you wanna read.
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Review of Bruce Man  
Review by Than Pence
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The limo seems to come from nowhere as it's not mentioned until it's relevant that you need a car large enough to split in half. Is the baby said to be dead? You used the word "peaceful" and that implies he's sleeping or were you just aiming for another means of saying "dead baby" without going for the hurt? The ambiguity does make me want to know which means that you've done a good job. I fear for the baby's life or non-life, whatever the case may be. It sucks to be Bruce. It feels more calculated somehow than grisly, like we're not meant to experience, just see and hear. I'm not sure how that sounds to you but it's the words that come to mind. What was Bruce's "real" job mentioned briefly? Is it relevant as to why he's estranged from his family at this time? You say "Jones" is 1 year old and that Bruce discovered he had a grandchild when he was 1. Was that discovery only made recently? These are just nit-picky questions, I guess.
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Review of The Predator  
Review by Than Pence
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
There are some grammatical mistakes that you would do well to correct. Other than that, this seems like a plausible start for something great, and possibly something dark as that's what the title alludes to. It does seem cliché that the bullied victim where's glasses and eventually turns out to become said predator. Just once, I'd like to read a story where the predator didn't start out as a victim first, but I guess it can only be cliché as that's how it would truly happen.
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Review by Than Pence
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is semi-remarkable. There are no names, just identities as it speaks for multiple types of people. I'm thinking that this is meant to represent how younger people seem to identify with each other on the grounds of wanting to move beyond the older generation. I've been known to mis-read but that's what it means to me. Within my own portfolio, I have something that I wrote for my college American lit professor but it's really just for fun more than anything else. It's a captivity narrative and I'm dying to have it read but people are reluctant b/c it's so long. Stop by if you're interested.
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Review by Than Pence
Rated: E | (4.0)
It feels very preachy, although I'm guessing you were going for that. For some understanding, you might want to state one or two actual things that teachers are asked to do for the sake of "bettering" the learning experience b/c for those of us who aren't teachers or who don't know teachers on a personal basis, it's hard to understand their plight.
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Review of The Bunny  
Review by Than Pence
Rated: E | (3.5)
This poem wants to be touching but it comes off as unfinished, in my opinion. You simply start off by associating the bunny with this guy but the reader has no idea who the girl is, why he left a bunny to you. Personnally, I was thinking that it was a stuffed bunny left by a child you lost but then you talked about how -he- was with her and I was thinkin', "What the heck?" It's just a little confusing. I know it's a dream and dreams are weird so I guess since it's a dream, it could be alright. Maybe another stanza though for clarification.
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Review by Than Pence
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I always love pieces that deal with internal perceptions of the external world and how it is usually askew. I've been working on something similar though I haven't put any of it on this site yet and have found that people find it very entertaining. The notion of being in someone's head and attempting to follow their logic and then guess incorrect supositions is, I'm guessing, the new American dream. Like, we all want to be in each other's heads for the sake of knowing why we act as we do. I like, also, how it doesn't matter that Garry Morrison is real or not b/c he's Braden's mental enemy forever. Lastly, my favorite line which made me chuckle is "he was using mind control (a classic Morrison tactic)." The fact that it made me chuckle means I was pulled in enough to get the joke and that you've done a great job here.
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