I didn't know how to resolve this problem, so I wrote a letter to Santa. His response was not very encouraging. He said, “Running and screaming is normal for Christmas time.”
I don't see anything “normal” about it. Give me abnormal, please.
* * *
I'm super excited; I'm off the shelf – I got a job as a greeter in a store. I'm going to get to see the outside world for the first time ever. I'm beyond excited.
I think I survived my first day at work. I'm still checking all my parts to see if I'm all together. I'm still recovering from that moment the store opened and a flood of humanity crashed into the store and overwhelmed every department. I really did try to greet people, but for the most part, I was ignored as they pushed and shoved to be the first to sit on Santa's lap.
I thought that lap was only for kids. I was way wrong on that, and the parents weren't asking for “peace on Earth.” No they wanted a “piece of the Earth, sky, and universe,” and they wanted it now, and the kids imitated the parents very well.
I was mostly ignored, and I felt like an elf on a shelf again. But one small child came to me and said, “Are you real?”
“Nah, I'm just imaginary,” I replied.
She giggled and said, “You're funny.”
“Glad you think so. I'm just trying to make a living here.”
“Because when you get off the shelf that's what you gotta do. Sorry, gotta go, I have another customer to greet.”
And the rest of my day was super boring as I stood there and greeted people who mostly ignored me. At the end of the day, the manager said, “Come back tomorrow and do it again.”
When I returned home, I got back on the shelf. Being an elf on a shelf was not so bad after all.