Just Exist

This is a poem written about my late cousin

I wonder if you ever asked me
Just what you were meant to do
I could see your confusion
But not the loneliness in your eyes

I wonder if I ever listened
To the things you tried to tell me
I tried to block you out
You were a scar on my perfect life

I wonder why I ignored it
When I started to see you change
I could see your darkened soul
In shattered pieces on the ground

I wonder if I was relieved
When you disappeared from my life
I didn’t have to worry anymore
I didn’t have to try to understand

I wonder why you left us
You thought you were alone
But after you were gone
I realised how much I needed you

I wonder if you’re peaceful
Eternally asleep
While I lay awake
Trying to remember your smile