This is who God is to me.
In my youth, I was somewhat of a "wild child." I drank to excess. I was inexcusable in my language. I did things that today make me blush. My sins directly disobeyed His Commandments. Before I was saved, I had no idea of the number of sins I was committing. Now, after having read the Bible, and having been taught many of His lessons, I still fall short of the Glory of God. I accept that. But it is only through acceptance and the power of Christ's ultimate message of sacrifice - His own life - that I have come to understand salvation comes only through faith. People do not change people. God changes people by working within them. For me, there has been a drastic transformation from the tense party girl from my younger years to the laid back "cast your cares" woman that I am today. I used to blame people for my lot in life when there were so many things I couldn't control. It was the evil step-father's fault. It was the strict boss's fault. Today, I thank God for my possessions, however meager some may think they are. I still have more than some, and I am thankful to God for the way I am. No one else is like me, and I am happy to be uniquely made, with an incomparable past I can call my own.
It started with accepting Christ as my Savior. It continued with my hunger to hear His Word, learn his lessons, listen when He speaks, and above all else do what He tells me to do (sometimes not right away, but when I have come to the end of myself.) When I am given a word from Him, I believe it is in due season, and I do my best to accommodate his commands. Occasionally, I may not like what He has to say, but hard as it is, I do His will anyway. After all, the Good Book says He'll give me double for my trouble. Aside from that, I feel a satisfaction in my heart when I know I have done something worthwhile that He has instructed me to do.
My lifelong journey to accomplish the dream He has instilled in my heart matches the gift He has given me. To do nothing with it would be casting away an "assignment" if you will. I believe deep inside every person is this same design, only paired with their own talents. My own design for living was given to me by Him. A little late in life, perhaps, but I had to go through some things before I was ready. I had to be "broken." I had to be prepared for the inevitable rejections that I face as I learn to sharpen my skills. I had to become willing. In my previous state of despair, I could not have handled a rejection letter from an editor. God has shown me persistence. I will not be one of those people stuck in the wilderness for forty years.
When I pray and ask Him to, God forgives my sins. I have forgiven myself for my past, because if God can forgive, who am I not to? Today, I am ready. I am ready to take on whatever assignment He has in store for me. God's kind and compassionate treatment - the very definition of the word "mercy" - has brought me to planes I never knew existed. Today, I live in and for the Glory of God.