Defending a birth mother's heroic choice of adoption
|Adoption: A Mother’s Hardest Choice
By Mary Pat Strenger Loomis
As published in The Catholic Review, 5/8/96
As we approach Mother’s Day, I’d like to recognize an unsung mother, one often viewed as a pariah but whom I see as a heroine. One with honesty so brutal it claims a piece of her heart. Mothers-to-be have choices. The woman who chooses to offer her baby for adoption is definitely not taking the easy way out. She has to love her pre-born child deeply, with an honesty that forces her to be realistic and practical about their future.
I am not referring to birth mothers forced into adoption due to substance abuse. I’m hailing the pregnant woman who deliberately and painfully chooses to offer her child the best life possible. Some people, especially teens, believe this is a cop-out. They advise their friends to “pay for their mistake” and raise the child on their own. But they can’t possibly comprehend the stressful, frustrating realities of single parenting.
I agree with Chuck Colson in the radio spot “Breakpoint.” He states, “An adopted child is more likely to have mature, well-educated parents and a higher standard of living than a child who is raised by a single mom.” If the welfare of the child is truly considered, adoption is truly an honorable option.
I perceive the birth mother’s choice of adoption as the ultimate act of selfless love. Personally, under similar circumstances, I don’t believe I would have the strength to choose this option. These women should be proud of themselves, especially in the face of our critical society and peers who opt for a “quick-fix” abortion.
Mother’s Day is a difficult time, (as is the child’s birthday) for these moms, especially if the adoption was “secret” and few realize she has earned “mother” status. To all these birth mothers I offer this tribute. Please accept this “Mothers’ Day card” on behalf of all the lives your love has touched. It doesn’t come from Hallmark, but it does come from the heart.
Most Selfless Mother
For whatever reason,
She came at the wrong season;
You knew she couldn’t stay.
You searched heart and soul,
Joy was the toll,
Bravely, you gave her away.
We praise you for your loving heart,
God’s grace will fill the empty part,
His blessings overflow.
Every day your child lives,
Every joy your child gives,
Is because you loved him so.
I encourage everyone who knows a birth mother to offer her some sort of recognition on Mother’s Day; even a few words would suffice. They chose the difficult path and their burden is heavy. Perhaps we can lighten their load.