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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1136511
Rated: 18+ · Column · Comedy · #1136511
How Saved by the bell made me fat
          It took me almost fifteen years to figure it out! It took me fifteen years, and if it wasn't for TBS, an invention called the DVD player, and a purchase from Best Buy, I would still be trying to figure out how the hell I got my weight up to 225! I mean I do live in San Antonio where 225 is a very acceptable weight, and I am in my mid twenties. My prime is over and I am completely content with that!
          For the longest time I blamed the pot on the weight gain, in fact I blamed the weed until two weeks ago. From my first year in seventh grade, the year I started smoking the chronic I have noticed a 5 pound weight gain every year! Munchies? Sure I had the munchies, but not because of the pot! No it goes deeper than green. What caused my munchies was a force way stronger than any plant! What caused my munchies was the Big Meatballa. It was A.C. Slater, a.k.a. Mario Lopez!
          Let me explain. When I was in seventh grade there was one show to watch, everybody watched it. It was the number 1 show and I loved it, I still love it and that's why two weeks ago I bought seasons 1,2,3,4, and 5 of Saved by the Bell on DVD! I was so excited and in such a hurry to watch them when I got home! However midway through the show I had an extreme craving for a mini meatballa sub! I didn't know why but I did so I went and got one. After I ate my meatballa, I turned Zach Morris and gang back on. All of the sudden I got this huge craving for curly fries! I just ate! So me having cravings that were so bad, I went to Jack in the box and got a super scoop of curly fries. I stuffed my face until I almost threw up! After the fries I began watching some more wild tales from those zanny kids from Bayside and got a craving for taco meat!
          All of the sudden it hit me! Smacked me right in the face! A.C. Slater's hair makes me hungry. Yeap! That greasy, curly, taco meat looking haircut makes me hungry! Everytime Slater came on the TV I wanted curly fries, or meatballs! Damn him! All of these years I blamed the pot but in reality It was the hair of Slater! It made sense. I've been gaining weight since seventh grade, A.C. became a part of my life in seventh grade. I've been watching re-runs for fifteen years, I've gained weight for fifteen years. It just makes sense. I curse thee Slater!
          So what is the point of this confession, or whatever you call it? The point is to let people know that if you are fat, don't blame the pot, blame the Big Meatballa!
© Copyright 2006 TomGrove (thomasgrove at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1136511