|Tuesday, Four Thirty AM
I just woke, can’t sleep. So I crept down stairs to check the horoscope again. Today’s entry, “don’t let your guard down”. Again it didn’t answer my question...........where am I headed, what is my purpose, why have I been given so many gifts, why am I so selfish, why am I so foolish.
I watched her dance yesterday, she looked like a fairy tale princess. The flow of her dress, her hair soft, her grace perfect. For a moment, I was her partner, I felt the wind on my face from the throw of her dress, a piece of her clothing brushed my face. I could smell the warmth of her skin. She is so lovely.
It was a video that she brought to work. Of course I had to have this feeling with all my work colleagues circled around her video recorder, I sensed that they knew, that they knew I was dreaming of her, hoping that one day I could dance.
My last entry was a long time ago. Many distractions and a lot of frustration and anger. I continue to struggle with all life’s gifts. I can’t sort out why I’ve been given so many choices, why me?
The paths that I can take could allow me to help many people, how satisfying. I have the ability and knowledge to change the direction of world hunger, but I don’t.
I have a great family, good friends, and a beautiful Fiancé but I’ve disconnected them.
I want only one thing, I’m focused on the most selfish of gifts, her.