A satirical look at a small community
| The morning of February 2, Rasheed stood over a puddle of piss in the kitchen, shaking his head at Jimmy.
“Why don’t you mop this shit up?” Rasheed asked sternly.
“Kinda figggered it’d dry on its own.” Jimmy replied.
“Cracker.” Rasheed muttered under his breath.
“Porch monkey.” Jimmy muttered under his.
The two star-crossed roommates began living with one another when Rasheed placed a conspicuous classified ad in the newspaper that read, “Roommate needed. Must have strong convictions. Must be proud of heritage. Must be prepared for a race war. No fat bitches.”
Jimmy, as you may have deducted, answered it.
Rasheed was initially upset that Jimmy had been the only one to answer the ad. But, a man of his word, in fairness, Jimmy met the requirements of the ad to a small degree, so Rasheed let him live there. The only times in the house when they weren’t arguing was when they would watch reruns of The Odd Couple together. I know, I know, they ARE an odd couple, so the most obvious connection would be that show, but you have to understand that MY job as the storyteller is to report the facts, objectively, as they happen. Life is full of these little ironies. I mean, Jesus Christ, it shouldn’t be that hard to understand. And as for my little editorial opinions peppered throughout the story, well, there’s only one explanation: Fuck you, it’s my book. I know it’s a little harsh, but I’d like you to concentrate on the events of the story. Don’t be that loudmouth fuck head in the movie that thinks he’s sooo smart and calls out predictions.
“He’s going to die,” you’ll say as the protagonist opens the door to that dark room. Just let it come to you, don’t guess, you have no clue what’s going to happen. You’re going to ruin it for everybody.
Across the street from Rasheed and Jimmy lived Anthony Dante, son of the recently deceased New Jersey crime boss Columbus Dante. Just to put the distance Anthony moved into perspective, Angel’s Pass is nestled in rural Virginia, where northerners pretend they’re southern and vice-versa. Columbus was gunned down in a mob war. His brother Marco moved Anthony into a secluded place until the war was over and Anthony could assume power over the Dante family.
“My aunt used to live in Angel’s Pass,” said Marco. “She has some beautiful rosebushes in front of her house. I’m not sure that she still lives there, though, we ain’t seen her in seven years.”
Another of life’s ironies we discussed earlier.