This is a comical editorial that I wrote for my school newspaper.
|Senioritis: The Plague of WJ
Being the resident expert on senioritis ( see Senior Superlatives) I feel that it is my duty to educate others about this dangerous illness so that maybe this epidemic can be stopped.
To resolve the senioritis dilema it you must start by admitting that you have a problem and that means you must know how to diagnose the symptoms. It usually starts small, maybe you take an early or extended lunch once in a while. Then you are missing classes to go get breakfast in the morning and skipping afternoon class to go home early. Before you know it, you are skipping entire halves of days or in some extreme cases, entire days. All of these things eventually add up and then you have two big problems on your hands: loss of credit and a severe case of senioritis.
Finding a Cure
The next step is confronting your problem. There are several different procedures that students can take to try to cure this disease. One solution is to set a goal for your self. For example, make yourself limit the number of classes you miss in a certain amount of time or if you do not have enough self control, then get your friends or parents to help you. Also, you could try the student shock collar which shocks the wearer if they ever leave the school during class time, coming soon to a store near you. If that does not work and the problem continues to worsen, then you will be making a visit to your administrator and it will not be a friendly visit. If you get to this point, then you are going to have even more problems because now you are going to have to suffer through your lunches in the dark and scary lunch detention room. If none of theses procedures work there is always the senioritis surgery, also known as a lobotamy (not recommended).
Senioritis is a serious issue that can result in very serious consequences. Lunch detentions and LC warnings may not seem so bad but, if you do not do anything to cure your senioritis at this point, things are going to get much worse. Actually losing credit in a class is not an enjoyable experience. Also, if you are one of those unlucky souls with a really sever case of senioritis and you skip all the time then you can be expelled. You might think that they would never expel a student for skipping classes but believe me when I tell you that this could happen to you.
Senioritis is a very serious disease and everyone must be careful to avoid it. If you ever start to see any of the symptoms in a friend or in yourself then try the procedures listed above or contact the senioritis hotline. The road to eliminiating senioritis will be a long and bumpy one but we can overcome this horrible sickness, even if we have to have fences and blood thirsty hounds placed around the exits to the school.