swimming with the sea men!

This is my particularly peculiar sense of humour.Bit off the wall!

I'm open to the men;
Feeling like an upturned crab on the shore,
Claws agog and ready for the mischief!.
Ready to snatch my mate!,
Rushing in on waters like a well timed piece of seaweed!
Dueling with other other odd crustacian for his affections,
Then shutting my private shell around him,
Taking off the toughness
And ready to flounder sideways home if he stings like the jellyfish.