Deprivation

How do I deprive me? Let me count the ways...

Hunger,
Friend and enemy
Look what you do to me!
It's already been 15 hours
Perhaps more
Since a piece of food has crossed my lips.
I go to the fridge
And see tons of food...too much food
Yet there is nothing to eat.
Stomach grumbles
Stomach gurgles
Stomach refuses such food.
Alone
With my thoughts
A dangerous place to be.
Watching infomercials about this diet plan and that
Mind morphing to fear that I am way too fat.

Yet just last night,
A friend I hadn't seen in months
said, "You've lost weight."
I think to myself
That's great!
My clothes fit loose
This anorexia is my noose.

No appetite for 6 months now.
No longer able to say
"I'm a recovering anorexic."
Admitting only now
"I've relapsed."

Help me!
I call out to the Universe.
The universe sends a friend
Crying.
"Eat."

Eat.
It sounds so simple
So why do I refuse?

And so hunger
I must succumb
But I do it
Feeling completely numb.