by refinn nalh
My own experiences with anorexia with the aim of helping those who suffer in silence.
|It came without a warning. It slithered its way in with no sound. It infected every part of me and spread day by day until there was almost no hope of escape. It filled my mind with poisonous thought patterns. Relentless, incessant, merciless, it would not let me go. Resistance was futile for its words persuaded me to go deeper into it's torment. Worst of all, it convinced me that I wanted it more than my will to live. That's how anorexia takes you, it warps your mind into putting your life in danger because you cant break the disease and your not willing to let it go. Your mind thus poisoned with its venom, makes your eyes see a distorted reflection, makes your stomach enjoy the feeling of hunger, makes you crave emptiness, for it seeks to empty you of every feeling, every rational thought, every sense of nourishment, every part of you until you become an emaciated body with an equally emaciated soul. You think you control it but it controls you and every aspect of your life. The things you used to find enjoyment in before your affliction are no longer feasible as you must conceal it. You develop a stealth for secrecy that you may never have had before and lies pour from your mouth with ease. Relationships are often too difficult to maintain and become fractured. Confidence is miniscule, energy is low, anxiety grips you in all social situations, withdrawing into yourself you build an invisible barrier around you. Your love for your family and friends is not as strong as your need to starve. You will hold on to anorexia as tightly as it holds onto you. Obsession with your routine is intrinsic to you, to change it is too terrifying to comprehend. To let go of it means letting go of yourself, it is part of you now and makes you feel in control. Anorexia is an extremely difficult disease to beat and once beaten lays dormant waiting for its opportunity to strike again. There is no vaccination, no instant cure, this disease has to be fought time and time again. However, each time it is fought it grows weaker, or rather, you grow stronger. Eventually you will be free of its provoke, eliminated by your valour and it will be your own personal great achievement.|