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I'm not suicidal nor plan to be in the future. This is a reflection on the past.♥

I don’t want to enjoy but I know I should
I’m afraid of what the mirror has conjured

There is a loaded gun and a sharpened knife
This is the easiest choice I’ve had in life
I leave a note on the door, I relax on the floor
All I can think about is my racing heart and suddenly, I want more

More of the pain, so I let go of the gun
More moments to be with that certain person
More time to think about my decision
More nights to dream and more days to vision
More chance to realize my end of the deal
More fabrication of what’s truly real

I want a whole lot more than I am going to get
(And he would probably leave me too)
Like that time when he taught me to inhale
On his last-one-in-the-pack cigarette