Dodging a bullet takes on a whole new meaning...
|"Next! Welcome to Russia, may I see your passport Mister..."
"Bond, James Bond."
"Will this be business or pleasure, Mr. Bond?"
"Ah, spring time is beautiful. You must see the sunset on the Kremlin."
"Funny, I thought I already had."
"I see your last visit to this country was eight years ago, and many trips before then, why the long absence?"
"Retirement. My other trips were business, never enough time to enjoy the scenery. Too much running around, shooting from here to there."
"And your occupation before?"
"Uh, well I guess its alright to say now, not much of a secret, I was a spy. No hard feelings?"
"Oh, no Mr. Bond, all of those cases in the "old days" have been forgiven and forgotten between our two governments. I think the idea is to let old wounds heal, encourage a new start. Witness your return!"
"Quite good. I have been busy writing my memoirs, and they seem to have developed quite a following. Maybe you have read them or seen the last movie?"
"You are that James Bond! I am quite a fan, though not as much as my wife is. Um, I have never done this before, could you autograph something for my wife? She will never believe me when I tell her I met you."
"Why of course. Who shall I make it out to?"
"Irena. She will be so surprised."
"I am always glad to make a woman happy. Russia has many good memories, um, despite all the business."
"All the beautiful women, gun fights, chases! What a wonderful job you had Mr. Bond!"
"Well, keep this between us, many of the things in the movies are greatly exaggerated. The best spy does not cause a commotion, or shot anyone, but slides in and out quickly and quietly."
"Yes, I can see that. It always works out in the movies, but in reality there is no bullet dodging, correct?"
"No, its always a bad show that ends up in gunfire, at least in my old line of work. Now I wrestle with writer's block, agents and producers."
"Hmmm, Mr. Bond there seems to be something coming up on the computer with your passport. A 'domestic' hold, do you have any business dealings in Russia?"
"No. None. The publisher handles all the book deals, and you mentioned the amnesty. I can't imagine what the problem is."
"Let us go into my office for some privacy. I am sure this is a simple error. Take this seat, would you like something to drink? Tea, I even have some vodka?"
"No thanks, Mister...?"
"Timoshenko, please call me Marko. We will get this cleared up quickly and you on your way."
"Is that a picture of your wife?"
"Yes, and my son, he will be eight soon. Ah, Mr. Bond, there seems to be almost a dozen paternity cases pending against you. I guess not all in the movies were exaggerated?"
"Irena... Timoshenko... uhoh...damn Q and his protection!"