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Rated: E · Other · Other · #1561597
Parents are gone for a walk. What can this girl expect?
I'm alone, inside the house,nothing can comfort me.

Walks are short, but for me, it seems like a long time.

I watched them as they walked out the door.

I decided to entertain myself while my parents were away.

There were stuffed animals to play but fell on the way.

Then they came back.

Length: 55 words
Prompt: Didn't record.
Contest: "The Hint Fiction Contest [ASR]


Girl left home alone while parents go for a walk doesn't make sense. Girl left alone inside the house while parents check the yard around the house makes sense. What was I thinking of? *Rolleyes*

Starts out with the perspective of being alone in the house missing her parents.

Should focus on this walk subject... Do I want to keep it a walk or do I want to switch this to parents observing the outside of the house and if I want to keep it in the girl's perspective because of this subject... Depends on the prompt given at that time too so...

Okay entertaining herself would need to be adjusted here which leads to the next sentence...

Here needs altered to make sense- above sentence could be adjusted to lead to this sentence. She fell was the purpose but isn't the subject of this sentence which creates a problem.

Her parents came back is a good ending, but might look at writing it differently.

It is in the form of a poem instead of a story... Not meant to be a poem but Flash Fiction. So sentences needs to be together instead.
© Copyright 2009 Angelica Weatherby goals on. (dragonfish at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1561597