The past year sure has been a rollercoaster. As far as I know, you've made the decision not to have any resolutions for the past year, although at times you've had your doubts. If you're wondering why, I'll tell you. Every year you have made resolutions that simply wouldn't stick or were forgotten as quickly as they were thought of. And yet there was a shimmer of hope in your soul that you did make up our mind about something because what's a new year without any goals?
Either way, it seemed it didn't matter what your goals were for the past year. Once your mom got sick you blindly jumped onto the emotional rollercoaster and even as the end of the year approached you weren't able to get off the crazy ride. Such is life, I guess. You never know what will hit you with and when. Just when you thought you might actually catch a moment of hope another disaster struck and once again, mom ended up in the hospital fighting for her life. I could shed many tears all over again remembering all she went through. A slight reminder how cruel life really could be. But keep your chin up, will you? You're the only one in this family who can hold it all together.
Remember the first time mom ended up in the hospital? Or the second time when she almost had her last breath had dad not taken her to the hospital? You were miles away at work, with your usual and only worry whether or not the plane will be on time. What about the times when the doctor said she had colon cancer or when the colon burst because her body couldn't handle the chemo? It was one of the worst years ever but not the first one. The only thing that changed though is the fact that it's you who must deal with it all because mom is still too sick and dad crumbles easily. Years ago, when you first moved to the States, it was disastrous for you having to start all over, yet mom and dad kept their cool and never even let on how they really felt. Having an uncertain future is hardly easy, but I guess if you can share the burden with someone it makes things a little bit easier to handle.
Today, it's all on you.
I always say that everything else is less problematic as long as one has a roof over their head, and Me, you do have that. You might still not be working and are questioning what exactly the future will bring, but you can't give up hope.
This past year may have brought many losses and terrifying moments but you've survived them all. Mainly because you are surrounded by your loved ones and their love, the ones who will always try to shield you from the bad in life. True, you've lost many friendships through one thing or another but deep in your heart you knew it was for the best. You've learned the lesson that nothing lasts forever way too early and because of that you manage to still look forward knowing that the next day the sun will still shine and new opportunities will come your way. That's probably why you've gained so many new friendships and rekindled some of the old ones you thought were long forgotten.
And yet, as the new year approached that bad feeling came back. You know exactly which one I mean. Right around Christmas time, the time you used to love so much, that itchy feeling of unease nestles over us and doesn't want to go away. It has been like that for almost two decades now and trusting your feelings you knew that when the day came, it won't be a happy one. Sadness would settle in and after dinner your parents would get quiet, listen to soft, sad music and remember the old days and where life has brought us.
When the day actually came, you anticipated it all, but the cheerfulness stayed even though your feeling that something bad would happen never left. That night you got engaged and were ready to burst from happiness but also frightened to your very own core. When was the last time Christmas was a happy day? I can't remember it. And so you still anticipated the bad news. The unease never left until two days later when the phone rang. It was as if death called itself. The bad news was that grandpa, dad's dad, had died. You were very shaken, distraught and sad, but at the same time relieved because the unease left. It closed its door but not before your thoughts formed the words for it as if saying "until next year".
That was the moment you said you couldn't wait for the new year to arrive and you stubbornly admitted to yourself that making new years resolutions was a simple waste of time. However, as days passed by, you realized that having no resolutions at all meant you won't have any drive and inspiration to do anything at all. That's where encouragement comes in and I admit, at times you need a little push to get you on the right track.
For the new year and the years to come I want you to always remember that you are a very strong person who can handle anything that's thrown your way. I know you don't dwell much on things but I hope you do take the best out of every situation and put it to good use. Except, there's one thing that you need to work on.
I've noticed that your poetry is lacking inspiration. It's because you've actually been pretty happy in the past year regardless of the things that happened. Don't worry! Deep inside you know that inspiration is only a grasp away. Even your stories have improved. I've read them all, over and over again, and what I've realized was that they are getting better. Continue what you are doing. There is no wrong way when it comes to writing. On many nights when you close your eyes, characters come out to play and your mind is reeling, but in the morning they tend to hide. One of these days those characters will come out and play. All you have to be is patient. Believe in yourself and your stories! It's the only way to crush the writers block which lurks and hovers around you during the day.
Keep your eyes open and grab any opportunity with both hands when it comes your way. You never know what doors it might open up!
Word Count: 1120