If only she knew.
| I know it's odd, but I always feel like someone is watching me. I can just be walking down the street, and I feel like there is some dark shadow, some evil energy following my every move. Even at home in my bed, I feel as though I'm not safe. For me, that's normal. But in reality, I know it's bad. I know it's a horrible habit to check around my apartment every five minutes to make sure I'm alone. But what happens when I shove the shower curtain out of the way, and there he is, waiting for me? Will anybody here my screams? Or will I just be the girl who cried wolf?
Ever since my parents were murdered, I feel like the man who took their lives will come after me next. I believe that he didn't want to kill just them, he wanted me too. I blame myself for their deaths, as irrational as that sound. What could a thirteen-year-old girl do to save her parents from a full grown man with a gun? To this day, I jump whenever I hear a gunshot, no matter how far away it is. Kit is constantly telling me that there is nobody out to get me, that the man who killed my parents is in jail. But I can't believe that the man who sat on the stand killed them, it just didn't seem right to me. Being my best friend, she is always trying to calm me down, even though it will do her no good. I have an unhealthy obsession, and I don't believe anyone can help me.
"Would you stop looking over your shoulder? A psycho is not going to jump out and murder you!" Kit was trying her best to keep me at ease, but I'm addicted to looking around. Some people bite their nails, some suck their thumbs, I look around all the time. If I'm not looking out for myself, who else is?
"Kit, you will never understand," I explained, exasperated. "The man that is in jail is innocent. Those eyes were not the eyes of a killer. He just didn't have it in him to kill!" To this day I can still see his eyes, dark brown and innocent. I imagine my parent's killer to have storm-gray eyes, squinted in anger at the task he did not accomplish. That task being, well, me. "And that means that there is a murderer on the loose, and he is going to come and kill me, and you are going to be sorry you didn't listen to me when I warned you."
"You are so paranoid. How many times can we have this conversation? You aren't in any danger, and I will never find you dead. If anybody is going to end up dead, it's going to be me." Kit was a drug dealer of some sort, the sort that doesn't get the drugs, and doesn't do them. She just delivers them.