by Matt Bohart
testtesttest (three's the charm)
|REPLY TO CRAIGSLIST HELP WANTED AD FOR NEW YORK, NY ON 11/15/2010
WANTED: ***Part Time Host/ Hostess*** (Midtown East)
How do you do it, please? I mean like that? The way you want it I mean—for the job, that is. 'Cause I’m an elegant bastard. Believe me. Despite the language I just used. I graduated from UC Berkeley with high high grades in English literature—a BA I mean. Watch me. You’ll see. I like being in front of others, like a flower that needs sunlight and water and fertile black soil to survive and thrive.
I’m a writer so I use words the way I want to and need to use them (like the above, perhaps?). However, writing is one thing, and speaking to strangers, i.e., customers, is an entirely different thing, particularly at what you referred to as an “upscale restaurant.” I like the challenge of appearing as much like James Bond as possible—perhaps a little more Roger Moorish, although I do prefer Connery to all of them. He was the best one, I think. Don't you?
718-XXX-XXXX (if you care to, call between 12 noon and 3 p.m. Thank you. Be well.)
PS: Haven’t worked in a while because I haven’t had to. Have been writing instead.
[For Viewers Who Are Looking Right Now: Didn't get the job, by the way.]