Christmas Story based on the holiday classic song
Doreen: Nope. He’s from St. Louis, Missouri, and he’s a real sweethearted dear.
Judy: What’s his name?
Doreen: His name is Vincent Mole.
Cindy: Vincent Mole? That’s a very unusual name.
Doreen: Yes. And he’s gonna come sledding with us this Saturday. So I’ll introduce you ladies to him.
Stephanie: Alright! We would love to meet this guy Vincent a little more, if you know what I mean.
Doreen: I know exactly what you mean, Stephanie.
Katie: (reading the paper.) Wow, the president of the United States wants to wish everybody in America a very Merry Christmas!
Judy: Really, Katie?
Katie: It says so right here in this newspaper.
Ronda: Tell us, Doreen, are we still going to the birthday party at the home of Farmer Grey in two weeks from now?
Doreen: Yes, we still are, Ronda. It’ll be on a Friday night.
Stephanie: Well I’m gonna turn on the T.V. and see what’s on.
And Stephanie did just that. White Christmas is on, the 1954 holiday classic starring Bing Crosby, and Danny Kaye.
Stephanie: I love this movie!
Cindy: What are you watching, Stephanie?
Stephanie: White Christmas. It’s a classic.
Cindy: Here, can I join you?
Stephanie: Be my guest.
Cindy: Don’t mind if I do.
Doreen: Well I’m gonna fix dinner. Okay?
All the girls: Okay.
Katie: What are you going to fix for dinner, Doreen?
Doreen: That I won’t tell. It’s a surprise, and you all are going to love it.
Christina: Well don’t tell us, Doreen. Surprise us.
Doreen: I will.
And Doreen went to the kitchen to fix dinner. Meanwhile, the other girls were in the living room watching White Christmas, and chatting for a while.
Katie: Say Christina.
Christina: What’s up, Katie?
Katie: Do you still play the timbales for your salsa band?
Christina: Yes I do. Were you thinking about coming to one of our concerts sometimes?
Katie: Why yes, I was.
Judy: Me too, Christina. What’s the name of your band again?
Katie & Judy: Vista?
Christina: You got it. My next concert with them won’t be until New Years Eve. That’s when we go live at Radio City Music Hall.
Stephanie: (overheard them while watching White Christmas.) Woah! Christina, did you say “Your next salsa concert will be in New Years Eve?
Christina: Yes, Stephanie. It’s gonna be at Radio City Music Hall.
Stephanie: Aw, cool! Can I come to your concert too?
Cindy & Ronda: Us too, Christina?
Christina: Sure. I’ll have tickets for all of you, and plenty of my friends also to see our show for New Years Eve.
Ronda: Oh, and don’t forget about Doreen. After all, she was the one who has been taking care of us so far, Christina.
Christina: Oh, I won’t forget about Doreen. Besides, she’s our friend, our roommate, and in charge.
Katie: Yes, exactly.
Christina: I hope this Vincent guy Doreen talked to us about is a real sweetheart.
Stephanie: Well let’s hope so. Besides, we like nice guys, not bad boys.
Judy: Yeah, because some of these bad boys around here in New York City are not very nice.
Katie: Yeah, you’re telling me, Judy. I like a sweet guy who is more of geek in a good way, don’t you know.
Christina: Yes, we know, Katie. You can’t stand those too cool guys because they’re annoying.
Katie: Yes, Christina, that’s right.
Ronda: Tell us, Christina, how many more tickets do you have left for your show?
Christina: I’ve got six thousand tickets to give to all of my fans, friends, family members, everybody. Believe you me, Ronda, I’ve got a lot to live and give.
Cindy: (laughing hysterically at an old comic book.) Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Christina: What’s so funny, Cindy?
Cindy: Oh, I was just laughing at the one old comic book my grandmother saved for me back when I was a little kid. This is the Fibber McGee and Molly Christmas Comic Book. If you love Christmas, and if you like comedy, this is the comic book for you. And this book is sure funny.
Christina: Yeah, I bet it is if you like Christmas comedies. My favorites are Laurel and Hardy in their Christmas comedy “The March Of The Wooden Soldiers.”
Judy: My favorite is the Grinch starring Jim Carrey.
Cindy: That’s my favorite too, Judy.
Christina: Me too.
Judy: Wow, how about that! We’re got a lot in common.
Cindy, Christina, & Judy: Yeah!
Ronda: Boy, whatever Doreen is fixing for dinner, it sure smells scrumcious.
Katie: I can smell it too, and it smells delicious.
Doreen: (calls the girls to the kitchen.) Time to eat, ladies!
Ronda: I’m hungry!
Judy: I’m starving!
Cindy: Me too, ladies!
So the ladies rushed over to the dining room to eat dinner Doreen is fixing for the girls.
Doreen: (brings the food over.) You all are gonna love what I fixed today.
Stephanie: Well let’s see, Doreen.
She opened everything for the girls, and it was all kinds of delicious Greek food.
Katie: Alright! Greek food!
Stephanie: We haven’t had Greek food in a long time at all, even though I’m not Greek, I’m Italian. But I love all kinds of food from all over the world.
Judy: Me too, Stephanie. So I know where you’re coming from.
Doreen: Before we eat, ladies, we need to say our grace.
Christina: Doreen, okay! Let’s say grace, everybody.
Doreen: I’ll start. (and everybody bows their heads while Doreen says grace.) Lord, we thank thee for the many blessings you gave us. Please bless us for the food we are bound to eat to nurish our bodies, keep us all alive, happy, healthy, and well. And we thank you for bringing us all together as one big happy family where good friends together with each other. And these, and other blessings we ask in the name of the lord Jesus Christ, and for his sake, we thank thee. Amen.
All the ladies: Amen.
And everybody eats, drinks fruit punch, acts polite with one another, and enjoying one another’s company.
Judy: This food taste good, Doreen.
Cindy: Yes, this is great.
Stephanie: Totally cool.
Ronda: It’s extremely wonderful, Doreen.
Doreen: Thank you all. I’m glad you girls like it.
It was Saturday Morning, back at 812 Avenue M, at 7:00am, Vincent Mole got up from his bed, made it up went to the bathroom to take a shower. Then he dried up. Brushed his teeth, went back to his room, put on some decent clothes, went downstairs, and his mom Amy was fixing breakfast.
Amy: Good morning, Vincent.
Vincent: Good morning, Mom.
Amy: You’re up early. What’s the location this time?
Vincent: I’m going sledding with Doreen and her friends, then we’re going out to eat, after that, we’re gonna see a lot of Christmas decorations.
Amy: That’s wonderful, sweetheart! You sure love your friend Doreen very much. Do you?
Vincent: I do. She’s a real true close friend of mine right here in New York City. In fact, me and her are definitely BFFs. Along with her friends which are my friends too, and definitely not frenemies.
Amy: Well that’s good.
Vincent: I take it you’re fixing breakfast.
Amy: yes, I’m fixing omletes. Do you want some on the way?
Suddenly, Vincent’s dad Clerence came to the kitchen.
Clerence: Hello, sweetheart.
Amy: Hello, honey. (And the two kiss.) I’m fixing omletes for breakfast.
Clerence: Of course. I can smell them a mile away from here.
Amy: (laughing.) Oh Clerence, you’re so funny.
Clerence: Good morning, son.
Vincent: Good morning, dad.
Clerence: You look very spiffy this morning. What seems to be the location this time?
Vincent: I’m going sledding with Doreen and her friends.
Clerence: Wow! Another trip with Doreen, huh?
Vincent: Yeah. But I haven’t forgot about the the family coming over for Christmas.
Amy: We know you haven’t, sweetheart. That’s why we all miss your brothers and sisters.
Vincent: So do I. Are the omletes done yet, mom?
Amy: Hang on, let me check.
As Amy checks the stove to see if the omletes are done, and they are.
Amy: Breakfast is ready!
Clerence: Oh good. I’m starved.
Vincent: Me too.
Clerence and Vincent rushed over to the kitchen table to get omletes for breakfast.
Vincent: Wow, these omletes look and smell delicious, mom.
Amy: Why thank you, Vincent.
Clerence: They sure look tasty, Amy.
Amy: Thank you, Clerence. Now, who would like to say grace?
Vincent: I would like to, mom.
Amy: Go ahead, son.
Vincent: Lord, we thank thee for today. Help give us strength and power from the food we are bound to receive. Keep us all alive, Father God, and strengthen our bodies. And these and other blessings that I ask in the name of your son and the holy spirit, we thank thee. Amen.
And the family eats breakfast together.
Vincent: The food is delicious, mom.
Amy: Thank you, Vincent.
Clerence: Yeah, this food taste scrumcious!
Amy: Thank you, sweetheart.
Clerence: You’re welcome.
They all finished their meals. Vincent went to the bathroom to brush his teeth so that he can get ready for Doreen. Then he sat down in the couch to wait for her. Suddenly, he heard a horn honking, Vincent looked out the window, it was Doreen, and all of her roommates.
Vincent: Mom, dad, I’m gone!
Amy: Okay, well you have a good time, son!
Clerence: Have fun, Vincent!
Vincent: I will! See you guys later!
Then Vincent went out the door, and went to Doreen’s new Toyota van with her roommates.
Doreen: (smiling.) Hi, Vincent! How’s life been treating you?
Vincent: (smiling back.) Hi, Doreen! Just dandy! Never better like this at all!
Doreen: Well that’s cool.
Vincent: How are you doing, Doreen?
Doreen: Awesome! Here are my roommates.
Vincent: (looked in back.) Hi there.
Cindy: Hi, Vincent. I’m Cindy.
Vincent: Hi, Cindy. Nice to meet you.
Ronda: Hi, Vincent. I’m Ronda. Nice to meet you.
Vincent: Hello, Ronda. Nice to meet you too.
Judy: Seasons Geetings to you, Vincent. I’m Judy.
Vincent: Seasons greetings to you too, Judy. Nice to meet you.
Christina: Yo, what’s up, Vincent? I’m Christina.
Vincent: Hey, Christina. Nice to meet you.
Christina: You too, man.
Stephanie: Yo, how’s it going, Vincent? I’m Stephanie. Nice to meet you, dude.
Vincent: Hi, Stephanie. Nice to meet you as well.
Stephanie: (smiling. Yeah!
Katie: Hi, Vincent! How are you doing? I’m Katie.
Vincent: Hi, Katie! Nice to meet you.
Katie: Nice to meet you too. Merry Christmas.
Vincent: Merry Christmas to you too, Katie. Merry Christmas to all you, as a matter of fact.
Christina, Katie, and Stephanie slapped one of their cheekbones across their faces real good and hard and they grunted.
Christina: (slapped her face.) UMM!
Stephanie: (slapped her face.) UNH!
Katie: (slapped her face as well.)AUH!
Vincent: Ooh, I like that.
Christina, Stephanie, & Katie: You like that, Vincent?
Vincent: Yeah, I love it when a woman slaps herself in the face, it’s sexy that way in a woman, turns me on, gets me excited, uplifting, and happy, makes me want to give this woman a great big long cheek to cheek hug on her cheek that she slapped, and never let go of her.
Doreen: I slap my face a lot too. Right, Vincent?
Vincent: Right you are, Doreen.
Doreen: (slapped her right facecheek real hard.) UMM!
Vincent: I love it, Doreen. And I want to give you girls big cheek to c heek hugs later on.
Doreen: Sure. We’ll give each other a cheek hug when we get to the sledding place.
Christina, Stephanie, and Katie: Us too.
Christina: I love hugs.
Stephanie: Me too.
Katie: Me three.
Cindy, Judy, and Ronda: So do we.
Doreen: Me too for that matter.
Vincent: And especially me.
Christina: Alright, Vincent. We love guys that love hugs too. Hugs are cool. So Vincent, what do you do for a living?
Vincent: I work with Doreen at the Metropolitan Life Tower making newsletters.
Doreen: Yeah, me and Vincent work at the same place.
Vincent: We sure do, Doreen.
Stephanie: So Vincent, do you have any hobbies?
Vincent: I like to paint, write stories, read, travel, make a whole lot of new friends, like you guys of course.
Christina: Aw, well we sure are glad to have you as our friend too, Vincent.
Stephanie: We sure are.
Judy: So what’s your favorite type of movie, Vincent?
Vincent: My favorite type of movies would be “Charlie’s Angels, and Fun Size starring my favorite girl Victoria Justice.”
Christina: Hey, those are my favorite movies as well!
Cindy: Are they, Christina?
Christina: You bet, Cindy. I’m a tough girl just like they are.
Stephanie: Me too.
Vincent: I like tough girls…that are nice, sweet, and funny for me to be around with.
Doreen: Here we are, you guys. Randall’s Island Park. That’s where all the sledders go sledding.
Vincent: Yes, and I see a bunch of people sledding there right now.
And they pull over by the parking lot, get their sleds ready, clearing out of the van, and they get ready to go sledding.
Vincent: Oh wait, ladies! I still need a hug from you guys.
Christina: Oh yeah, that’s right. We forgot. We’re sorry.
So all the ladies go to hug Vincent, and he hugs them back.
Vincent: I love you, ladies.
All the women: We love you too, Vincent.
Vincent: Thank you. Now we can go sledding.
And they all went to join everybody else going sledding. And everybody was having such a great time, little kids, teenagers, young adults, and the adults.
But just then, hiding behind the trees just to make things worse for Doreen and the gang, it’s none other than Geri McGail, Manny Burke, Scott Jensen, Benny Carter, and Matthew Conniff her boyfriend. Geri still hates Vincent Mole, so she and her evil friends are setting up a ridiculous, stupid plan to end Vincent’s relationship with Doreen and her roomates. And that’s not a good sign.
Geri: (looking at Vincent strange.) I don’t understand that geek Stimpy! Just look at him with my friend Doreen! He has pushed us too far with his overhigh nonsense!
Scott: So what do you want us to do, Geri?
Geri: (angry.) Listen to me, you dimwit!! I’ll tell you.
Matthew: Yeah, listen to my girl Geri. She’s the boss.
Geri: Thank you, Matt. Now here’s my plan. We’re going over to that creep Stimpy once he starts sledding with my girlfriend Doreen. I’m gonna take his sled away from him to make him fall. And when I do, you guys grab him. Catch my drift?
Manny: Yes, ma’am!
Scott: Oh yeah!
Benny: I see where you’re coming from!
Matthew: You’re the brains, Geri!
Geri: You better believe I’m the brains. I’m special, perfect, great, glamourous, sexy, and very cool. That creep Stimpy isn’t any of it, and he’s gotta go.
Mathew: I’ll say he’s not special.
Benny: I’m for that also.
Manny: He’s a creep!
Scott: He’s nowhere!
Geri: Well what are you morons waiting for?!! GET TO WORK!!!
And they all went sledding with everybody else just to get Vincent away from Doreen and her friends.
Matthew: There’s that creep Stimpy now. Geri, you take the floor to that geek.
Geri: You got it, my dear.
And Geri caught up to Vincent’s sled while Vincent was minding his own business sledding. Then Geri yanked Vincent’s sled, and made him fall in the snow, and Geri started raving at him.
Geri: (to Vincent.) YOU MONSTER!!! BEAT IT!!!
Vincent: (angry.) What the heck is the matter with you, Geri McGail?!! And GIVE ME BACK MY SLED!!!
Geri: SHUT UP!!! I don’t get it, Stimpy!! Didn’t I tell you never to go anywhere near my friend Doreen, and any of her friends, HUH?!!!
Vincent: Could you listen to yourself, huh, Geri?! Huh?! Could you listen to yourself?!! You are sounding very stupid!! You have no brains of any----------------------
Matthew: (grabs Vincent by the back of his coat.) HEY, GEEK!!! You don’t ever talk to my girlfriend Geri that way!! She’s the boss, and she’s got a lot of brains better than you’ll ever have, you dork!! It’s you who doesn’t have any brains at all!! YOU!!!
Vincent: Hey, you don’t even know me, you mean bully!! NOW LET ME GO!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!
But Matthew punched Vincent’s face, got him flying over to a beautiful 27 year old sexy British woman belle on her sled, and they both fell on each other on the snow. And the British woman got mad at Vincent saying it’s his fault.
The British Woman: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY YOU BLOOD SUCKING OGRE DORK!!! WHAT IN BLOODY BLAZERS DO YOU GO ABOUT KNOCKING ME OVER LIKE THAT, HUH?!!!
Vincent: I didn’t do it, ma’am. Some guy punched me in the face and made me do that.
The British Woman: DON’T DANCE WITH ME LIKE THAT, YOU SICK TWISTED, DREAM ROBBING, EVIL GEEK!!! YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!!! (And she hit Vincent several times with her cane chasing him up the hill.) TAKE THAT!!! AND THAT!!! AND THAT!!! AND THAT TOO, YOU LITTLE BUGAR!!!
Vincent: OW!!! OW!!! LADY, PLEASE!!! OW!!! COME ON, WILL YA?!!! OW!!! IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT!!! OW!!!
The British Woman: It wasn’t an accident, creep!! It was a VERY SELFISH CARTOON CRIME WHICH COULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE ANYTIME!!!
Then a leg hiding from a tree tripped Vincent, and made him fall again while he was running away from that violent British lady. It was the leg of Benny Carter that did it. Benny grabbed Vincent by the back of his coat in full force, and started kissing Vincent between the lips. Vincent didn’t like that kiss from him.
Vincent: LOOK, ARE YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!!! WHERE DO YOU COME OFF RAPING ME LIKE THAT?!!! WHO ARE YOU, HUH?!!!
Benny: (smiling evilly.) I’m your lover, Stimpy. Would you like to go out on a date with me, babycakes?
Vincent: (angry.) NO!!! AND JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE CALLING STIMPY AND BABYCAKES?!!! YOU MAN EATING SHARK!!!
Benny: (laughing like a dumb idiot.) Hahahahahahahahahahaha! You crack me up, honey. Do it again. It’s sexy.
Then Doreen saw Vincent in trouble with Benny Carter flirting with Vincent in a seriously bay way. She went up to save his life. But before Doreen did so, Geri grabbed Doreen by her coat in full force, and started screaming at Doreen.
Geri: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!!! WHAT’S THE PROBLEM, HUH, TRATOR?!!!
Doreen: Geri, let go of me!! Just what exactly do you want with me and Vincent?!!
Geri: First off, I want that Stimpy geek to be with the gay men, and I WANT YOU TO BE MY BEST FRIEND, NOT HIS!!!
Doreen: Who are you calling Stimpy?!! And where do you come off telling me to be your best friend, and not his?!! You’re insane!!
Geri: No, you’re insane making friends with losers like Stimpy!!
Doreen: You don’t even know him-------------------------
Geri: I DO TOO KNOW HIM!!! HE’S GAY!!!
The Doreen slapped Geri real good and hard across the face, then Geri slapped her right back.
Doreen: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!!!
Geri: SHUT UP!!! You will not go anywhere near that loser EVER AGAIN!!! You and I are supposed to be best friends!! We worked at Metropolitan Life Tower together!! We started the business together!! So we should stay together!
Doreen: What forever are you talking about?!!
Vincent: (still being grabbed by the gaymen.) DOREEN, HELP ME!!!
Doreen: (to Geri.) Now look what you’ve done!! That’s no way to show any Christmas spirit by having things your way, being selfish, and crossing lonely guys and their friends with filthy grief!! That’s no way to share the holidays!
Geri: LOOK, I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE SHITTY HOLIDAYS BECAUSE THEY SUCK!!! I want a strong, rich, big man to share the holidays with, not some bad little boy like Stimpy!
Doreen: You’re impossible, Geri! We need you to stay away from us from now on!
Geri: Excuse me?! I don’t think so, my dear! I’ve got Stimpy with the gay men to have sex with. Look over there.
Doreen looked and saw Vincent in trouble with the gay guys.
Doreen ran over there to help Vincent out of that jam, but Matthew Conniff grabbed a small gun, fired at Doreen to stop her in her tracks.
Matthew: (to Doreen.) HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISS CRAZY PERSON WITH THE CHEEKBONES!
Then Matthew moved forward at Doreen with his gun pointed at her head.
Matthew: (to Doreen.) You’re not going anywhere near that geek! My girlfriend is right! She wants you to stay with her with the popular people, including your stupid roommates! You ladies are gonna get to know the perfect people. (To Geri.) Right, honey?
Geri: (to Matthew.) Right, sweetheart.
And they kiss each other.
Doreen: You guys are monsters!
Matthew: SHUT UP, FREAK!!! I don’t want to hear your stupid face!! (To the men.) Well, what are you yahoos waiting for?!! PUT HIM IN THE CAR, YOU MORONS!!!
Vincent: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
But the men put Vincent in that green 1972 Oldsmobile, Delta 88. They threw him in the car, went in the car themselves, closed the doors, locked them, and then drove out of sight.
Geri: (to the men while they drove off.) Hey, make sure you guys come over my house after you had sex with Stimpy!! We’ve got a Christmas batch at my place! Okay?
Matthew: How did I do, sweety?
Geri: You did great, dear. Now we both can go over to my house and plan our party quickly before our friends come over.
Matthew: Oh yeah! I love Christmas already.
Geri: Let’s go.
And they both went inside Geri’s 2011 ½ Chevrolet, Impala LS, and drove away to Geri’s house. Doreen went to her roommates for help.
Doreen: hey ladies, come here for a moment!
Her roommates came when Doreen called them.
Katie: What’s going on, Doreen?
Doreen: We’ve got a major crisis in our hands.
Judy: Like what?
Doreen: Vincent Mole has just been kidnapped by Geri McGail and her mean and nasty gay guards.
Stephanie: Who’s Geri McGail?
Doreen: Well, she used to be a friend of mine until I found out that she doesn’t like lonely men like Vincent. So she became a fallen angel.
Christina: Man, that’s sad. If I met this stuck up snob Geri, I would most definitely give her a piece of my mind!
Doreen: That’s why we’re going over to pay a visit to Geri McGail. I know where she lives, so I’ll show you where her house is.
Ronda: Well, Doreen, lead us the way.
Doreen: You got it.
Meanwhile, Geri lives in a big rich mansion with her boyfriend Matthew at 3125 10TH Avenue near 23RD Street. They’ve got Vincent tied up in a chair in the living room. Geri and her gang including Gary Dunne were up to no good.
Gary: (to Vincent.) Hey, baby. Are you ready to make love to me, and marry me to be your hubby for the rest of your life? I want you, honey, because I love you.
Vincent: (to Gary.) Well I sure as heck don’t love you, nor the rest of those creeps! Just you jerks wait until Doreen Blanc hears about this!
Geri: (whacked Vincent in the back of his head.) KNOCK IT OFF, STIMPY!!! Doreen Blanc is my buddy, not yours! Besides, you’re just a homosexual gay monster, and you don’t deserve to be with any girl, not even Doreen! The gay men love you. The women don’t. You’re only a loser. In other words, you’re a bad boy!
Vincent: I am not!!
Geri: YES YOU ARE!!!
Vincent: LOOK, YOU DON’T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME, SNOB!!!
Geri: WILL YOU QUIT GETTING YOUR HOPES TOO HIGH ON MY KNOWLEDGE, YOU BOOB!!!
Vincent: STOP THIS!! TURN ME LOOSE!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! OR I’LL CALL THE POLICE!!!
Geri got mad. Went up to Vincent, and punched him across the face, then raved at him.
Geri: (angry.) KNOCK IT OFF!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!! My friends are gonna come over this party, and they want to see men have sex with you, YOU NUMBSKULL!!! YOUR HEAD IS AS THICK AS PEANUT BUTTER FOR GETTING YOUR STANDARDS TOO HIGH LIKE THAT, AND THAT NEEDS TO STOP!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! NO MORE!!!
And she slapped him real good and hard across the face!
And geri walked away from him, then the gay guys took over.
Gary: I love it when you get slapped real hard across the face by people. It turns me on, and it gets me excited! It makes me want you, baby.
Vincent: Gary, buzz off! And you guys too!
All the gay men: NO, WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!
Meanwhile, Geri is with her boyfriend Matthew.
Geri: This party is gonna be good. We’re all gonna get wasted,and get stoned, honey.
Matthew: Yeah, there’s lots of booze, beer, drugs, pot, guts, and sex. This is gonna be a rockin’ rappin’ good time!
Geri: you bet, sweetheart. After all, there’s no such thing as nobody’s perfect because everybody’s perfect.
Matthew: Of course. This is when we party like the stars because we are superstars.
Geri: Yes we are. And we help other superstars, and condemned the losers. And Stimpy is a loser. That’s why a lot of men want to have sex with him. While we pretty girls stick with the winners, and Matthew, you’re a winner.
Matthew: Thank you. So are you, my sweet.
Geri: (laughing.) Thank you, baby. And we don’t celebrate Christmas at all. We celebrate Halloween. The losers celebrate Christmas because they’re stupid! And they don’t know that Halloween is the real holiday season to celebrate this year.
Matthew: Yeah, you’re telling me! I hate Christmas!
Meanwhile, Doreen and her roomates went over to Geri’s house too. They parked on the right side of the road to rescue Vincent from the wrong crowd.
Doreen: This is it, ladies.
Katie: What does Geri want with Vincent anyway, Doreen?
Doreen: They’re trying to harm him in all sorts of bad ways so that the men can have sex with him just so that Geri can get after me.
Christina: That’s stupid.
Doreen: I’ll say it is. Geri wants me to be her best friend again, and not Vincent’s.
Judy: What a snob. If I met that girl Geri, I’d slap her real good and hard across the face.
Stephanie: Yes, I’m with you on that, Judith.
Cindy: Geri and her boyfriend do need counseling for this matter.
Ronda: I hate her already, Doreen. How are we going to rescue Vincent away from her? Do you have any plans?
Doreen: You bet I have a plan here. Everybody gather around. Now here’s my plan.
Meanwhile back at Geri’s house, Geri and Matthew were still talking.
Geri: And honey, only the perfect people touch us, the geeks don’t.
Matthew: Yes, baby. And when our guests get here, we’re gonna party like crazy big time!
Geri: Ooh, I love it, pumpkin!
Matthew: I love it too, dearest! We’re gonna boldly go where no man or woman has ever gone before!
Geri: You bet, superstar! We perfect people have more fun than anybody! I’m glad you’ve plan this party for all of us.
Matthew: Anything to be a hero, sugar. That’s why you’re cool and I’m hot.
Geri: And I’m glad I choosed you because you’re a sweetheart. You do everything for me a lot. That’s why I love you.
Matthew: I know. And money buys friends.
Geri: Yes it does, sweety. Why don’t we kiss and hug for it before our guests come in?
Matthew: You got it, beautiful.
Suddenly, they heard a doorbell ring.
Geri: Hold on a second, honey. That must be all of our friends coming.
Matthew: Okay, babycakes.
Geri opened the door to see who it is. It wasn’t any of Geri’s friends. It was Doreen Blanc and her roomates. Geri got real mad at Doreen and her friends for coming to her house uninvited.
Geri: You have no right coming in here, Doreen!! You girls weren’t even invited to this party!! Get out of here, all of you!!
Doreen: Never mind that, Geri!! What have you done with Vincent?!! And don’t give us that Stimpy routine like you did last time!! You know his name is not Stimpy!!
Geri: What part of “I don’t like the name Vincent Mole” don’t you understand?!! WHAT PART HAVE YOU MISSED, GODDAMMIT?!!!
Christina: Look, you stuck up I’m better than you are diva!! Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t cast you to sides for what you did to our friend Vincent!!
Doreen: (to Christina.) Christina, let me handle this shit! (Now to Geri.) Look, Geri, you turn Vincent loose right away whether you like his name or not!!
Geri: Look, I don’t know why you guys want to ruin my party for my friends when they get here! You guys better clear out of here while you can! Plus, I would advise you yahoos to start being more respectful to the future people, and leave those gay men alone!
Doreen: Geri, stop it!! Stimpy….uh, I mean Vincent is not gay, and we want you to untie him this instant!! Do I make myself clear?!!
Geri: NO, I WON’T DO IT!!! YOU LEAVE HIM BE, YOU DUMB DARLA!!! You see, I keep forgetting how stupid you all are rescuing a dweeb from the gay men!! All dorks need to marry gay guys and have sex with them!! One time, I caught him praying the wrong prayers at that ignorant church downtown which got my goat, he stolen all of my plans that I’ve got with his over high standards, and I didn’t appreciate that at all because it was all disgusting!! That’s why I rebuked him because he’s bad!
Doreen: Geri, you are such an irrational snotty witch!! You need to get your life together!! You don’t need to be acting like some young teenager against lonely men like Vincent!!
Geri: THIS IS MY HOUSEHOLD AND I’LL ACT WHAT I LIKE!!! (grunting her teeth.) You don’t ever change me like that!!
Suddenly, they heard the doorbell ring again. Geri went over to the door, told Doreen to MOVE, opened the door, and all of Geri’s friends came all dressed like celebrities.
Geri: Well hello, my friends! Come on in!
A man: What’s up, Geri? Happy Halloween!
Geri: Happy Halloween to you too, Scott!
A beautiful woman: Hey, Geri!
Geri: What’s going on, Tiffany?!
Three jockey guys: How’s it going, Geri?!
Geri: Pretty good, fellows! I’m glad you came!
Doreen: Geri, your friends around here suck!!
Another hot guy: (looking at Doreen and her room mates strange.) Geri, who are these female yahoos here?!
Another girl: Yeah, they don’t belong here! Get ‘em out of here, would ya?!
Doreen: We’re not leaving until Vincent comes with us!
Stephanie: You heard her right, bitch!
Geri: Look, if you freaks don’t clear outta my house this very instant, then we’re gonna fight! Do you hear me?!
Doreen: Oh, you want to fight about it, Geri?!
Another man with a goatee: Do you want us to fight those female clucks for you, Geri?
Geri: YES, LET’S DO IT NOW!!!
And they all started fighting each other, getting physical with one another, kicking, punching, slapping, using martial arts, such as karate, ninja, judo, and kickboxing as well. Throwing chairs, and knocking stuff down in the house.
Geri: Some friend you turned out to be, Doreen!!
Doreen: You are not to be trusted, plus, you’re never liked, and you’re never loved!!
Then Geri slapped Doreen real good and hard across the face. Doreen grunted “UMM,” and she punched Geri across the face having her flying sky high to a table with whiskey and wine. Meanwhile, Vincent tried to free himself from those ropes by cutting them from the wood of the chair.
Vincent: Man, what a stupid party! Where’s Doreen?
He broke free from the ropes looking for Doreen and her friends.
Vincent: HELP ME, DOREEN!!!
Matthew: (grabbed Vincent by the neck.) Oh no you don’t!!
Vincent: LET GO OF ME, YOU IRRITATING PUNK!! HELP, DOREEN!!!