by Man S
A letter that resulted from spontaneous flow of emotion....
|A LETTER WRITTEN IN MOMENTARY ATTACK OF DOWN SPIRIT
Today I woke up at three o’clock in the morning. Something was terribly wrong. As soon as I woke up first thing came in my mind was you. It is not today that you were the subject of my morning pensive mood. This has been a daily phenomenon. Today things were different. My disturbed spirit found itself busy analyzing my current status concerned with you.
Going through past experience consequent upon our being together and my eccentric behavior as you see it, it appears I have a stained and cold stand with you. The semi physical encounter with you which was a blunder of fools, later you reasoned out to be erratic behavior of a typical male. What haunted me regarding this was your strange vengeance which you devised with your boyfriend Suraj, and he bombarded myself respect with the most derogatory verbal attack, which left me completely dumbfound.
What makes our acquaintance cold and devoid of emotions is your indifferent and messy attitude. That is how I see it. Again, this is personal observation which may look quite stupid to others. Perhaps, no definitely, it is my prejudiced spirit that has to be blamed. And I am a helpless fool to fail to see this is a wild goose chase. Eventually, I see myself running out of emotional attachment to any women or girl. Often I have been victim to self imposed tortures built upon fantasy of you being with Suraj, which is totally insane. Fuck me.
You never feel comfortable with me unless it is the presence of Bhanu. An emotional attachment or an attempt to establish one shows up through gestures which I find completely missing in our atmosphere. Primarily it seemed to be an error of observation but now I feel convinced.
I have been devoid of passionate relation. This led me to arbitrary falls and one sided hook ups and suffered a lot with unrequited amorous relations. You have your own stand to defy or defend the propositions in your life, so does everyone.
So here it is. We two, two persons opposite in nature, with unmatched philosophies, absence of identical approach to life, one bent at the attempt to strike a romantic cord between the two and the other seeing it as a totally immoral and sinful act because she is committed to someone. Sounds, loaded with oddities. A fair balance in relation is very difficult. Do I sound weird? If I am, pass by as vagrant wind.
I plead, your Excellency, for freedom, for peace and for redemption from torture. I am emotionally fragile. Familiarity breeds contemporaries and proximity is enemy to attempt of giving up. Hence help me in getting my bad self back. You know I stopped screwing up and got screwed up. I optimistically see favorable gestures from you to help me.
This letter is not intended to annoy you or invite deliberate apprehension, but to seek your friendly assistance. I may be condoned if this arouses in you apprehension.