Luci and Suzi Time

A true story about my niece's death...a precious memory

"Hey, Luci, How are you today?
"I don't feel too well today"
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that"
"Thanks, Suz, how have you been?"
"I'm hanging in there."

"Listen, Suz, I am only pregnant. I am not sick."
I wanted to tell Luci the truth that she looked sick, but I knew how much having a baby and becoming a mom meant to Luci, so I kept how I really felt to myself. I knew I had to say something, or Luci would know I was hiding something.
"I know." is all I said with tears in my eyes that Luci couldn't see because we were on the phone.

Suzi knew something was really bothering Luci.

We just had that kind of connection. It was understood between us.
"Okay, Luci, what is really on your mind? Spill..."
Luci let out a big sigh. “I don't know if I can do this alone, Suz."
Luci sounded sad. "I told you who Jayden's dad is. Didn't I?"
She hadn't so I say, “No you didn't but, you don't need a man you can do this. I know you can do this!”
Well, Alfzonso is the Daddy.
"Suzi, I am not as strong as you. I need some "Suzie and Luci time. I miss that. We need to get together real soon. I know it will make me feel better.” she says.
"I miss you too, Luci. We will get together soon."
You know, Suzi, "Alfonso is, really, a sweet guy this is why I am so confused.
I am really tired now; I need to go to sleep. I will call you tomorrow. I love you!"
"I love you too Luci. Talk to you later."
I don't believe in goodbyes so I didn't say it.

At 3 p.m. the following day on January 1, 2011 Luci and Jayden went to heaven.
I don't think that it is meant for me to know, or understand why right now because the autopsy report doesn't say anything that makes any sense to me.
Therefore, I am left with lots of questions that just puzzle my mind.
I am still waiting for the phone to ring.
I am happy she is out of pain.
I know she is a wonderful Mother in heaven.
Now, SHE has no questions or confusion to deal with. God has helped her with all of that.


She told me I am stronger than her. She always called me her rock. She didn't know it, but she was my rock.

It took me a while, but I finally brought her out of her shell and she began to like who she was becoming. She was still working on this. I loved her the way she was. (Unconditionally)
I always thought she was beautiful inside as well as out. I always taught her that beauty comes from within.
She didn't like what she saw, but everyone loved her.
She told me. "I am way too big. I want to fix this."
"Surgery has worked for others it should work for me, Luci said.
Fear pulled me away from Luci. I felt like she was playing with fate and I didn't have the guts to admit it to her.
I am so sorry Luci please forgive me! I feel like failed you. I promised I would always be there for you when you needed me instead I held it all inside.

What if I opened my mouth and said what I really felt would you still be here on earth today?
I know the answer is, “No."

You are happy, now. Hug Jayden for me!

I can feel you at night. You sit on my bed. We have Suzi and Luci time.

"Suzi, I am right here I am not dead." I am right here! Why does everyone keep saying that I am dead?"
I can feel you with me, Luci.
I hear myself talking to you.
I see you when I sleep. I beg to stay with me then I wake up.
I won't ever leave you, so don't you leave me!
You will always live on in my heart.

All my Love,
Now, always, and in eternity.
Your Suzi Bukiss AKA Aunt Marcia Belle Bucella