Emotions after the death of a lover
|A cool touch at the very back of your neck. You shiver.
And smile, because that's exactly where he used to brush your hair.
You feel that someone just walked in and sat down beside you. You look.
No one is there, but he always sat right there while you worked.
And, now, you are feeling and loving him after he's gone.
An overwhelming need to talk on the telephone at 2:00am. Spooked awake.
You are not afraid because that is exactly when he always called to talk to you.
But the telephone is silent as you reach out, pick it up and listen. No one.
You know it didn't ring, but you heard it even though you were sleeping deeply.
Wide-awake, you feel his presence in the room.
His scent fills the air just like old times. Agent Orange.
You know it is his smell because you've smelled it a thousand times.
No smell in the world is that distinctive and lingers around forever. It's him.
The soft intertwine with his preferred cologne always made you snuggle closer.
The sweetness of him, the tightness of his arms makes you feel so safe.
Your mind fills with thoughts of only him for hours. Daydreaming.
You wonder if your relationship had made you more than friends.
Never taking you beyond your limits, he was always there waiting. On you.
Filled with images of him, you reach out to touch him, and gently call his name.
You feel so loved, so safe, and oh so close to him at this moment. You smile.
Your body gives way to pure desire to feel his embrace as he leaves you. The last time.
Unexplained you know it is him that you need to feel complete.
He always did, and he still does now. Why now?
Your feelings are raw, and your mind can't comprehend that he is not here.
But, you are feeling and loving him after he's gone.
He has died.