Ch.1 pt 7 -A memoir Trigger Warning: Trauma
|PART VII: FADE TO BLACK
Two days and many meals, classes, books, and IMUS in the
MORNING shows later the armed band of doctors return to
my room. I’m lying on the bed, dressed, and eating my lunch.
I’m now up to trying different items on the menu and today I
have turkey with dressing. The old, grey headed bitch is
followed by her entourage as she strides towards my bed
with her horrid expressionless face. I cringe, but nod a hello
as I finish chewing my food.
‘Wellllll…Mr. Hunt…the man of many hats!’
I say nothing, but nod again as I place more food on my fork.
‘I hear you’ve been doing very well…very well indeed….and
it looks as if you’ve finally found your ‘taste’ for food again.’
‘Yeah…I’m not doing too bad I guess. Ready to go home.’
‘Yes..indeed….I’m sure you are. That’s what we came to talk
with you about. I think you can be released tomorrow by at
least 11 am…of course, paperwork takes some time so it
may be later. Definitely tomorrow though.’
‘Yes….so…’, she stands, ‘go out to eat with your mother
and girlfriend to celebrate tomorrow night. Take care Mr.
Hunt.’ She exits as quickly as she entered and I sit there
holding my fork with the food on it. WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OF THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE FUCKED UP BULLSHIT
PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!! I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE
Wait a minute? Go home and ‘celebrate’ getting ‘released’?
It’s more like celebrating the fact that I didn’t get the living
shit shocked out of me by that crazy bitch! Now THAT I’ll
fucking celebrate! I push my food out of the way and walk
my way towards Steven’s room. He’s lying on his bed, looking
strangely comatose, and staring at the TV.
‘They’re letting me go tomorrow!!!!’
‘Wow! That’s really great Josh…I hope you do okay….ya
look a little better man.’
‘Yeah you too.’, I stare shyly towards the ground, ‘So…..did
they say when you can go yet?
‘Nahhhhhhhh……….not yet. Guess I’m here for a little while
‘Shit…they’ll let you out soon. Anyway…..here’s my number
if ya wanna call if you get bored or something up in this…..,’ I look around incredulously, ‘ PLACE.’
He takes the napkin I wrote the number on and it looks as if
he’s studying the numbers. He reaches over to his tray and
picks up a pen.
‘Here.’, he gives me the other half of the napkin I had wrote
my number on, ‘here’s my number. Hit me up okay?’
‘Sure man. No doubt…..I’ll see ya..’
The next morning I’m up eagerly greeting the dawn! The nurses
will no doubt be in soon with my paperwork, prescriptions and
appointments. I’m anxiously awaiting their arrival and gobble
down my breakfast. Shit…..I’m so damn excited to actually be
able to smoke a cigarette I can barely contain myself. There’s
no way I can concentrate on TV right now to entertain myself
until it’s time to go; so, I just get dressed and ready to go as fast
as I can and click the TV off.
I look around the room and then focus my attention back on the TV.
I see myself sitting in that faded blue vinyl chair. The TV is not like
the mirror. What I see is a fuzzy, blackish, distorted view of myself.
I decide I like looking into the TV better. And I wish that I could one day
gaze into the mirror with the same comfort and confidence.