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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1891721
by mbaker
Rated: E · Fiction · Political · #1891721
"Offend America as America offended Islam!" If Al-Qaeda made a film to insult the U.S...
FILM START-

[generic intro from library; AQ-2f GGoat]

"A Bin-Laden Brothers Cartoon"
[theme music; "The Camel Caravan Broke Down"....Grenade Goat comes into iris/logo, he pulls pin on grenade with his teeth- doesn't throw it- it explodes- part of his grinning face flies towards viewer splashing red and effectively wiping to title shot of short subject];

{short subject} TITLE-

"Jesus! Mary! Joseph! Those Crazy Nazarenes!"

-theme music to tune of "Candid Camera" first verse only (middle eastern orchestration)

"as your girl expected,
you're resurrected,
Dads 'not much to say,
JIHAD!! yelled
Jesus! Mary! Joseph! tuneful
JIHAD!! yelled
Jesus! Mary! Joseph!" tuneful

(left to right-upper torso shot- JC holds index and middle finger together, MM, w/heavy eye/cheek makeup is draped over JC's left shoulder, Joseph stands w/ back to MM on right, arms crossed and clearly unhappy. JC slowly moves fingers apart to form peace-sign (or) lowers index finger to leave just middle finger and gins as intro closes. MM slowly closes eyes. Joseph rolls eyes and huffs.)


MIX TO RESIDENTIAL NAZARETH SCENE (production credits over-super)

STONE HOUSE. WOOD OR FABRIC ROOF AND WINDOWS

INTERIOR;

(from left) entering
JC- "Oh Mary?... Mary Magdalene?.. (coy glance and smirk to viewer) I'm home!,,,"

in scene at right entering
MM- "Welcome home Jay!" plants big kiss on his cheek (to viewer JC gives thumbs-up)

Joe in easy chair reading evening news-scroll, gruffly;
JOE- "would you tell this, this, friend of yours to keep her kids under control? They almost ruined the flying simulator I'm building for Pontius Pilate

MM casts a withering glance at JOE
JC- "Oh Dad, (wink at MM), was it all the triplets or just Goldah, or Frank or Murray?

JOE- "...all three of the little bastards. Sweet Abraham they're even at a party now..."


BREAKAWAY TO 3 SMALL CHILDREN IN FANCIER THAN NORMAL CLOTHES-
(almost king-like but junior sized)
LtoR; first two step forward and offer forth small gifts (full body shot)

G- "I am Goldah. I bring the gift of Gold"

F- "I am Frank. I bring the gift of Frankincense"

tighter shot of

MUR- "I am Murray. I bring the gift of Muuurr..."

quick wide to reveal MURPHY BROWN standing next to him. He's holding a chain to a collar around her neck

MUR- "....uuuurrrrphy Brown! Tell us actress Candice Bergen, what was it like growing up and having to play with wooden dummies for brothers?!

CB- "No different from America worshiping wooden Idols as gods!"


BACK TO INTERIOR-

JOE (to JC quietly, aside)- "...how you can live with the fact SHE "did" each of those three wise men is beyond me. (goes back to reading evening news-scrolls).(absently) Letting 'em go off to parties.... always wandering after fireflies and getting lost..... It's beyond me..."

MM- "Oh, they're just kids, Joseph. Didn't Jay pull some shenanigans when he was little?"

JC (remembering excitedly)- "Oh! Joe remember when...."

JOE- "...I wouldn't mind if you call me Dad"

JC (continuing w/out missing a beat)- "..remember when my friends and I would "Ring Doorbells and Run!? Ha HA. The best was the Rankin Bass factory on the edge of town..."


BREAKAWAY TO EXTERIOR- STILL BIBLICAL TIMES, AND LARGER STONE STRUCTURE SITS BEHIND WOODEN WALL. SOME KIND OF CHIMNEYS TO DEPICT A FACTORY OR PLANT. A LARGE LOGO ADORNS ONE SIDE OF A MAIN BIG FACTORY BUILDING JUST ABOVE A GATE IN THE WOODEN WALL. LOGO IS A VERTICAL RECTANGLE WITH TWO DOTS ALONG ITS RIGHT SIDE FORMING A STYLIZED (ALBEIT IN ARAMAIC/HEBREW-LIKE FONT) A LOWER CASE R AND B . (the Rankin Bass logo), ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GATE IS A "DOORBELL" IN THE FORM OF A ROPE EXTENDING UP TO THE TOP OF THE WALL TO SOME PULLEYS AND THEN OVER WALL AND OUT OF SIGHT.


FROM LEFT, AN ADOLESCENT JC CREEPS IN. HE IS FOLLOWED BY 12 FRIENDS OF THE SAME AGE, BUT NOT QUITE DRESSED OR DEFINED AS WELL.

JC IS SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF THE OTHERS CLEARLY REACHING TO PULL THE ROPE.


JC AND GANG-(variously) "...shhhh!...hee hee. Don't do it! Pull it, pull it!! I'm scared'!!


JC YANKS ON THE ROPE. IN BEST TEX AVERY STYLE, THE WHOLE 13 OF THEM TURN LEFT, ASSUME RUNNING-AWAY POSITIONS AND EXIT ABOVE A CLOUD OF DUST.

FROM FAR ABOVE OR INSIDE, A GROUP OF 4 ROMAN TRUMPETERS ARE AWOKE FROM A SLEEPING HEAP BY A SMALL BELL RINGING AT THE END OF THE "DOORBELL" ROPE.

THEY QUICKLY RISE AND ASSUME PERFORMANCE POSITION.

THEY PLAY A SERIES OF 12 or 13 NOTES LASTING ABOUT 7 SECONDS (THE RANKIN BASS LOGO CLOSING THEME)

INSIDE THE WALL AND AT SIDE OF THE MAIN FACTORY BUILDING, A SMALL WOODEN DOOR SLOWLY OPENS...



FAINT DRUM TAPPING PRECEDES THE RANKIN BASS "Little Drummer Boy" EMERGING FROM INSIDE.

HE IS WALKING JERKILY WITH HIS PAINTED SMILE TOWARDS THE MAIN GATE.

SEVERAL SECONDS PASS AS HE WALKS THE NOT-TOO-GREAT DISTANCE FROM BUILDING DOOR TO GATE.

HE REACHES GATE. STOPS DRUMMING, LABORIOUSLY UNLATCHES THE MANY GATE LOCKS AND OPENS IT OUTWARDS.

ONCE OPENED, HE BEINGS TAPPING DRUM AND WALKS OUT TO EDGE OF OPEN DOOR.

STOPS DRUMMING, LOOKS BOTH WAYS.

(Jesus and the twelve are behind a rock watching. All we see are tops of heads and eyes. Smirking and giggling)

NO ONE THERE.

SLIGHT REDUCTION IN HIS SMILE. TURNS AND PULLS GATE SHUT BEHIND HIM.

AFTER LOCKING GATE, HE MAKES THE JOURNEY BACK TO THE BUILDING'S DOOR (tap tap tapping his drum) AND GOES INSIDE.


BEHIND THE ROCK- JC and THE APOSTLES SMILING, LOOKING AT FACTORY, AS DRUMMER BOY SHUTS DOOR THEY BREAK OUT LAUGHING, FALLING OVER, BACK SLAPPING Etc.

JC- "Lets do it again....!"

APOSTLES (encouragingly)- "No way! Yes! Do it, do it!"


SCENE REPEATS-









More details are expected to follow as the Al Qaeda script is translated.















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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1891721