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Rated: ASR · Short Story · Other · #1905405
Phoenix spends some time in the coffee shop wondering what to do...
Phoenix had had a difficult day so far.  It was Sunday and he had not gone to church.  Again.  He felt badly about that, but tried not to beat himself up about it.  His phone had no service for some unknown reason.  He had slept in with his spouse for a while and had watched the large, fluffy snowflakes fall for a bit out the front door.  Not everything was bad.  He went over to his friend's house and discovered that she was still in the grips of her depressive bipolar episode.  After attempting to reason with her for a bit, he decided to invite her out to lunch.  She reluctantly accepted.  Phoenix thought that perhaps a change of scenery would do her some good and relieve some of the tension of her "monkey-mind", as she called it.  They went to a nearby restaurant and she cheered up a bit.  After lunch, she said she thought that she could get some work done for college.  Phoenix dropped her off and went to a nearby coffee shop to study.  He found himself unpleasantly distracted.  By what?  He could not decide whether or not to write his psychiatrist a letter to deliver in the morning to let him know what was going on.

Phoenix was immediately caught up in a minor crisis about this point.  Should he write his doctor a letter?  Did it matter?  Was there anything to say?  Phoenix had had two weeks to decide whether or not he was angry about his doctor not contacting him when he was in the middle of his psychotic crisis.  He had decided that it was okay to be angry at his doctor for it, but that it was not necessarily something that he needed to address prior to his next appointment with his doctor.  But here he was, the day before everybody went back to their normal lives, wondering if his doctor still cared for him.  What was wrong with him?  Of course his doctor still cared!  Didn't he?  Phoenix was surprised at his sudden lack of security, but it was a point that had been working on Phoenix for two weeks.  Just because he was on an antipsychotic that was working did not mean that he did not need to know that his doctor still cared.  What a ridiculous thought, though.  If his doctor did not care, he would not have prescribed the antipsychotic for him and arranged the meeting with the other doctor while he was gone.  If his doctor did not care, he would not have done all he had done for Phoenix.  Phoenix was depressed over the entire thing.  Phoenix wanted to apologize to his doctor for his behavior while he was off his medication, but he also wanted his doctor to know that he was angry at him for not contacting him when he really needed his guidance and help.  What was the best method of accomplishing these things, though?  Waiting for his appointment at the end of the week, or writing him a letter to read tomorrow?  Should he leave it alone until he could sit face-to-face with his doctor and discuss it?  Could he leave it alone that long?  He did not want to bother his doctor unnecessarily, but he did want to know where he stood.  He needed to know that everything was okay between them.  What harm would the letter do?  It would let his doctor know what was going on at the very least.  If he cared...  What was this, though?  Phoenix was angry at himself for his insecurities about this.  They were both adults, were they not?  Phoenix did not know what to do...
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