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by John
Rated: 13+ · Essay · Satire · #1921817
The retired Pope gets a new gig
ESPN just announced that the NY Jets have signed Pope Benedict XVI to a two year contract for an undisclosed amount of money.

Initial speculation that the retired pope was signed to replace backup quarterback Tim Tebow was immediately dispelled by Jet's offensive coordinator Marty Mornhingweg, who was quoted as saying "we think there's a place on this offense for both Tim and Benedict."

Sources close to the team report that the Jet's playbook will include Benedict and Tebow together in the backfield in a formation that has been tentatively dubbed the "holier than thou" offense. A member of the coaching staff who wished to remain anonymous revealed that the formation calls for the ball to be snapped to either of the holy men, and the offense will simply wait for God to miracle the ball into the end zone.

Mornhingweg also suggested that Benedict could see action in two minute situations, saying "he definitely gives us an edge when we need to run the Hail Mary. And we should have a lot of success running sign of the crossing patterns."

When asked if he thought miracles had any place in the NFL, commissioner Roger Goodell pointed out that there was prior precedent with Super Bowl III and the Immaculate Reception.

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