|And in other news today, six zebras were brutally massacred by a pride of hungry lions and despite the depth of depravity displayed by the doers of these deaths; this atrocity was completely ignored by the national media outlets.
The scene took place on the plains of Masai Mara game reserve in Kenya. It is thought the lions must have targeted the zebras for food, officials have stated, “they were probably hungry”. Despite this blasé explanation, the carnage is gruesome as half eaten carcasses litter the plain as locals pass by without so much as a glance.
“How can they be so callous?” gasps one on-looker from the deck of safari van, with a wide brimmed floppy sun hat, sunglasses, and binoculars around her neck. “It’s as no one cares that these defenseless creatures were murdered. We have to do something; this kind of heinous thing can’t go unpunished”.
Standing at a podium a spokesman for the zebras, Ziegfeld Ziegler, issued this statement: “The perpetrators of this despicable act will be sought out and the full extent of the law of nature will be administered to this pride, thank you.”
In the back a bespectacled reporter raises his hand:
“uh, yes, you in the back”
-“what exactly is the ‘full extent of the law of nature’, what kind of punishment can we expect to see once these monsters are found?”
“er, well, nothing really, thank you, any other questions?”
“……I’m…. the only one here…”
“yes, of course you are, why do you think that is? Because no one cares, they’re LIONS, it’s what they do, you see; in life and the world in general, there are hunters and there are prey and the secret to living a long life unencumbered without the fear of being eaten, be a LION.”