Dealing with our insecurities.
The simple definition of insecurities is lack of feeling secure in a particular area of your life.
Insecurities are areas that may or may not be realistic expectations that you have for relationships,
Or other areas of achievement in your life. These are not usually something that we face easily,
They come out at the most inopportune times and they frustrate us. If taken to the extreme without any self-control, they can destroy our relationships and take a tremendous toll on our emotional well-being.
The easy way to identify your insecurities is to evaluate the things that you blame others for.
It usually starts with frustration because you think this or that should be done in your relationship.
For example, "I need to be touched and kissed a lot, why doesn't my significant other want to touch me more?" This is personal for me; I am a touchy feely person with those who I am close to. I had to start pulling myself out of this type of thinking because my need to be touched is linked to something. I feel inadequate in many ways, as do most of us. Touch is somehow an affirmation that I am loved and that all is well. This is MY baggage and I have to own it and deal with it. It is not ok to put unwarranted pressure on my partner and it will cause other problems in the long run. I would rather have natural contact than something that is derived out of my pressure and neediness. It's very easy for me to get my feelings hurt in this area so I need to be careful so I don't say things that put on the pressure.
Some would call this being fake because you aren't showing all your emotions and being "honest."
I would disagree and this is why. You always need to remain open with yourself, and when you have sorted out your feelings, then you can share it with your partner, if you feel safe and can be sure that it will benefit your relationship. It is not your partner's insecurity, it is yours. Plain and simple, be an adult and deal with yourself in brutal openness. When you have dealt with it, you will feel so much better. You will find that if it comes up again, you can recognize it, and not react over emotionally.