Chapter-4 I Meet My Physical Therapist

Marcia is determined to make the best of her time in therapy

I Meet My Physical Therapist

My body is going to have to learn how to do things it has never done before.
I am essentially a baby still in some ways.

I need to be toilet trained. I still wear a diaper.
I don't know how to crawl right. I only know how to drag my legs behind me. I don't know how to stand. I have a fear of falling, so I don't even try to stand.
I still have a long road ahead of me.

I don't like goodbyes so when we leave my house I don't say goodbye to Leigh or anyone at my house
"I just say," If it is time for me to stay, for therapy, I will be back when I am better. I will be okay."
I never cry when I go to the hospital. I always smile, because I know how lucky I am. I see so many other kids at the hospital unable to do lot more than I can.

I know I have a lot to learn yet, but when I think about what is ahead of me and I am nervous and scared, I know in my heart someone or something is on my side because of what I see going on around me. I see kids who can't talk. I see kids with no arms or legs or both. I see kids who can't see, hear or both. I see kids who are deformed so bad their bodies look like they hurt and can't be fixed. I go to sleep at night feeling sad wishing I could take all their pain away somehow.

I know I have my own pain, but to me it is so small compared to what I see.
I know things could be so much worse for me.

It was time for me to be admitted. Mommy and Doctor McQuinn take care of that.
I know this means this hospital is going to be my new home for as long it is needed. How long that was going to be I didn't understand. I didn't really even understand what was wrong with me, but I was about to learn what my body can and won't do even if I want it to. I am about to learn what Cerebral Palsy is all about. I might not understand it, but I am on a new adventure to learn about my body—One I will never forget it.


Mommy packed a bag for me, but she bought everything new. Mommy is just that way. She wouldn't let me bring anything I wanted with me. It made me very sad because I'm very attached to my blanket. I can't sleep without it at night. I hold it at night especially on nights when Leigh isn't with me.

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Before I had to sleep in a hospital bed, After I had my surgery. Leigh and I shared a bedroom. We slept together in a double bed. I was used to having her near me when I slept. I often didn't sleep well or would have bad dreams. I would reach over and wake Leigh up.

"Leigh, Can I put my arm around you?"
(I admit, it was almost every night)

Leigh would tease me and say,"Aw man! again? No!"
I would cry and beg her, "Please, Leigh! I can't sleep. I'm scared! I had a bad dream! I just need to put my arm on you so I can feel you there. I promise I will go right back to sleep."

Leigh would get tired of me whining and give in. I knew she would cause she always did. I would snuggle up real close to her back, as close as I could get put my little arm on her side and fall sound to sleep a happy little girl! I am such a brat. I'm really not trying to be a brat. I just love my sister! Knowing she was there made me feel so safe.

I guess Leigh got tired of me asking if I could hold her because I remember one night like it was yesterday.
It was before my surgery. It was a Wednesday night.

Wednesday night mommy had off from work so it was her night out to relax so Leigh and I were being babysat by our new babysitter, Berenice. I started whining and crying because I wanted to put my arm around Leigh. she kept saying,"No, now leave me alone and stop whining!"
I just kept it up "Please Leigh you know I can't sleep without holding you. I have bad dreams."

Leigh said, that's it. She snatched my blanket out of my arms and threw it.
It landed in the Chandelier above the bed I was devastated.

I started crying, "Please, God help my blanket fall down."With my arms pointed toward the ceiling as close as I could get them I continued to sob. You are so mean Leigh. I only wanted to hold you!

Leigh tried to get my blanket, but she was too short even Bernice tried, but she was too old to get on the bed.You know as I look back on that whole scene now.

Did we really think of everyone older than us as old? (I never really knew how old Berenice was; even though she becomes one of my dearest friends; as you will see in the coming chapters)

Soon enough I could cry no more because I was getting tired, but Leigh could tell I was still fighting sleep because I was taking deep heavy breathes and still praying out loud somehow that my blanket would just fall.

"Please, Bernice can't you just call mommy?" I asked.

" No,they'll be here soon.", Bernice said.

Minutes felt like hours to me.

Sleep finally took over, but I felt someone step on the bed.

It was Terri my brother Jimmy's wife. She was tall. I watched with a smile as she reached with ease and handed me my blanket. I loved her already, but at that moment my heart swelled with more love for her.

I was so happy. I had my blanket back I thanked Terri and God. I didn't have any trouble going back to sleep that night.

I was so tired from crying and waiting. I don't even know if Leigh got in trouble for throwing my blanket in the the chandelier. I still don't know to this day.

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I knew once mommy got me settled into my room. I was going to have to say goodbye to her. I didn't want mommy to know I was upset or sad. I put my strong happy face on for her. I was good at it too, because she never knew about lots of things I held inside.

Mommy went to the gift shop. She bought me some coloring books and crayons, a doll and some puzzles.The doll looked like Mrs. Beasley, so that's what I named her.

I could tell mommy didn't want to leave me, but I knew she had to go soon because it was a long ride to take her home then ride back home to Pennsylvania in the same day. My sister, Gwen, and her family had already came to Wildwood,N.J., once today to get us to bring us here to the hospital. This would be their third trip today to take mommy home.

"Mommy I understand you have to leave."
"Come see me soon as you can. Tell Leigh I love her."

"You want me to leave?"

"No mommy. I just know you have too! I will be OKay."

"You be a good girl. Do what they tell you." Mommy,said.

"I will mommy. I love you!"

"I love you too and remember keep the faith!" Mommy always says, that to us when she has to leave me or wants me to be strong.

I will mommy. I knew I was going to be afraid when mommy left, but I wasn't going to tell her or anyone. It wasn't long after mommy left before a nurse came in to check on me.

I wasn't in a private room. There was three other beds in the room so the room was big! I was happy about that I didn't want to be in a room by myself.

The nurse said,"Hello Marcy my name is Susan. I am going to be your nurse tonight. Have you met any of your roommates yet?"

I smiled at her as I shook my head no.

Susan smiled back at me and said,"They must of all been gone already before you arrived. Someone from physical therapy wants to come down and meet you, so you will be having a visitor. You don't start therapy until tomorrow, but your therapist wants to start to get to know you today. Do you need or want anything before I leave the room?"

"Yes.I peed. I need to be changed."

"Oh don't worry about that I will be glad to change you."

I felt sad because I was still in diapers.

"You are here for us to teach you many different things. Potty training is only one of them. Are you up for the challenge?"

I looked up at Susan and said, " Yes," with a big smile!

Susan changed me then she asked me,"Can you tell when you have to go potty?"

I said,"Yes."

"When you feel like you have to go potty you ring the bell for the nurse and I will come put you on the potty. deal?"

I said,"Deal, but what if I don't make it?"

"Things take time sweetie. I don't expect you to learn over night."

I liked Susan. She seemed like she liked to smile a lot like me. She made me feel safe and she spoke with a real soft voice.

Susan asked me if I wanted to sit in the chair and watch T.V. I told her I couldn't sit by myself very well. She smiled and said,"Well that is an easy fix." Susan went to the closet.She brought out a belt it looked like a small strap, but she showed me that it was long enough to go around my waist. Susan explained she would put this strap around my waist to help hold me steady while I sit in the chair.

I said,"Please, don't leave me because I am afraid I will fall."

Susan said,"I can't stay in here with you, but I can get an aide to sit with you. Would you like that?"

"No, can't I just watch T.V. in bed?"

"It is better for you to be out of bed, sweetie, You need to get used to sitting up on your own. Will you please try?"

"I will try, but I'm really afraid of falling!"

"I won't make you sit up long this first time. Just a half hour."

"Alright,"I said, sadly.

I was so tiny and weighed very little for a child my age that it was easy for Susan to lift me to the chair. Susan put the strap around my waist then she buzzed the nurses station. While we were waiting for the aide to arrive she asked me what I wanted to watch. I told her Sesame Street. It was one of my favorite shows. I loved Big Bird,Mr. Snuffaluffagus,The cookie Monster,Ernie and Bert. I also told Susan that I liked to sing.

Finally, the aide came in. Susan said,"Cindy this is Marcy. We are working on two things already. Potty training and sitting up in the chair. Marcy is afraid she is going to fall, so she wants you to sit with her while she is sitting up in the chair. I told her she only has to sit up for a half hour today."

Cindy said,"No problem I would be glad to sit with our new patient."

Susan left the room.

Cindy bent down in front of me. She told me to relax. She wouldn't let me fall.
"You are doing a great job sitting up so far, Marcy. What do you want to do now?"

"It is not what I want to do. It is what I have to do. I have to go potty."

We both laughed!

Cindy undid the belt that was holding me in the chair and carried me into the potty. I was stiff from being afraid I would fall out of the chair so, it was hard for Cindy to carry me at first until I relaxed in her arms.

She understood why I was stiff though. I knew this because as soon as she picked me up she me to relax. She wouldn't let me fall. She wanted me to feel safe with her.

When we got the bathroom I had a hard time going. I think I was nervous. Cindy, showed me how to hold on so I would feel safer. It helped a little. I knew she wouldn't let me fall, so we talked about learning new things. Soon I just went potty.

When we returned to my room my Physical Therapist was there to meet me.

"Hello, Marcy, my name is Jean. How are you Today?"

"I greeted Jean with a huge smile, I'm fine."

"Cindy can you lay Marcy in her bed, Please, you may leave. I'll be here for a bit."

When it's just Jean and I she asks, "Do know what Physical Therapy is?"

I think so, exercise, I say with a questioning look on my face.

Yes, it is exercise, but it's so much more than that. Let me explain.

You were born with Cerebral Palsy. Do you understand what that is?

"No, to be honest, not really, I say. Jean, smiles."

"Part of my job is to help you understand what your disability is and how my team of therapists with the right exercise plan; designed only for you, can teach you to walk with a mobility aide. It's going to be hard. You may grow to dislike it—Most kids do.—It may hurt at times, but it'll all be worth it."

Together we've got to train your brain to do things your body is now fighting you to do. Like sitting, standing and, finally, walking. Most of all; we need you to believe in yourself, because if we can do that half the battle will be won.

I smile at Jean because I'm feeling overwhelmed, but I don't want her to know it. Of course, I want to know about my disability as she calls it. Yes, I want learn how to walk.—it'd be a dream come true for Mommy, so no matter what it takes I'm going to do everything I need to do to make Mommy's dream come true.

"Don't ever be afraid to ask me any questions, Marcy, I'll always tell you everything I know". Little did she know, I was a very curious little girl with a tons of questions and a dream to fulfill!

Chapter 5-Learning About Cerebral Palsy  (E) Marcia truly begins to learn How to work with her body #2025239 by Marcia~I'm Home :)