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Rated: 13+ · Monologue · Fanfiction · #1974618
Why isn't work ethic enough. Being weak is destroying me
My whole life, I’ve been telling myself that I wasn’t inferior to anyone. I always told myself, if you could do it, I’d do it better. But every damn time, I was proven wrong.
I refused to believe I was weak, so I made excuses. I couldn’t accept it so I got back to training, hoping next time I could redeem myself. That fear of being inferior. That fear of having to face facts, that’s what motivated me. I don’t wanna be weak. I'm sick of everyone being better than me. I don’t wanna be weak. I’m not weak. I am a Saiyan, and a Saiyan will never admit defeat. I told myself this over, and over, again, and again. It drove me to be better. I would push myself so far beyond my limits, I was sure that I’d die. But you, you where born to be a great warrior. You have a pure heart, you are physically gifted. Why? Why can you surpass me at every turn despite how hard I work. I work just as hard as you, I have my desire, I want it more than anything. It’s not fair, Damn it! How can you be so much better than me?
And now,*heh*, I have to admit it, just saying it out loud hurts. But I’m not the hero. I’m not the strongest Saiyan. I have my pride, but that’s it. And pride only goes so far. It can’t make up for a lack of skill. And now, what can I do? What do I do now that I’ve just admitted that I’m a failure? How can I keep trying now that I’ve admitted to being inferior? I don’t think I can.
So at least, maybe, I can die on the battlefield. And for once, maybe I can make a difference. I can make a positive impact on all of my Saiyan brothers. I want to die with my pride. I want, just for once, to be the guy you all look up too. And if I need to die for that to happen, *tsk*, then so be it.
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