a satire on opening a new business.
A New Coffee Shop
The three men, buddies in high school, while sipping their beer, told of their mishaps in making a living. It was quiet as there were no World Cup series at that time. Even the bartender looked bored. The tables had formica tops which were chipped at every edge. But it didn't matter as the beer was cheap.
Rick, the former manager of a small factory, said in a sullen voice,
"I thought I had a good job, until I was voted as "The Most Abusive Boss of the Year."
Ricardo, the mathematician, said mournfully,
"I thought I was a good math teacher, but the principal told me I was over- qualified.. I have a Masters Degree in Advanced Calculus and Vector Analysis."
Daniel, the preacher said solemny,
"I thought I was a good at sermons, but the congregation chased me out of church just because I told them they may all go to Hell if they aren't more charitable."
Rick pounded the table, saying loudly,
"Let's get our act together...we can pool our money and start our own business. I'll be the boss and you Ricardo, can be the bookkeeper and you Daniel can be our publicity manager."
Ricardo, looking puzzled, said,
"But what can we do?"
"I know." said Daniel. "We can open a coffee shop. I once took a class in coffee making."
"Hmm, not a bad idea." said Rick.
"I just met a guy selling coffee beans and he told me he can give me a big discount on beans from Central America."
With a suspicious look, Ricardo said,
"Why the big discount? Are they a poor quality?"
"No you dummy." said Rick, "They are discounted because the owner wants to retire his farm, or something like that."
"Okay", said Daniel. "Let's set up a bank loan and order the beans and open our shop."
The next week, after getting a loan from a loan shark, they opened their coffee shop. With piles of coffee beans and all the cups, tables, chairs and other paraphernalia, they opened.
They called it,
"A New Coffee Shop"
Daniel, pouring out some coffee beans, said,
"What is that strange smell of the beans?"
Rick, the buyer, said,
"Aha, that is why our coffee so good. My distributor said it is a unique new flavor and it will sell."
It just so happens that none of the three men were coffee drinkers. Rick had a heart condition, Ricardo only liked tea and Daniel thought caffeine was unhealthy. So, no one even tried their own coffee.
Nevertheless, they set up shop and as they opened the door, several customers came in. They said they heard about a "new" taste and wanted to try it. At first, the customers hesitated at the different aroma of the coffee, but soon they gulped it down. Some said it was a unique taste and they liked it.
As the day progressed, the crowd of customers became quite large and everyone exclaimed,
"Wow, what great brew."
Customers liked it so much they began to order a second cup, even a third.
The next day, people lined up at the door anxious to try the new taste of coffee. The three men were astounded at their new success. Money was pouring in like the coffee pouring out. Ricardo said,
"If this keeps up, we will make a fortune."
Even Rick was surprised at their success and he ordered another truckload of beans.
Then, something strange happened.
Ricardo, noticing a city health inspector snooping around, said,
"What can I do for you sir?"
The inspector said in a stern voice,
"We have some complaints about your shop. Some people said they had stomach problems, you know, diarrhea."
Ricardo, with a puzzled look said,
"That is strange. Our equipment is spotlessly clean. Look for yourself."
The next day, the phone ran off it's hook with calls about stomach cramps from their coffee. Finally, the city closed their coffee shop because of so many complaints. The inspector told them he had the beans analyzed at the lab and they were permeated with a strange odor. The beans were coated with some kind of animal urine.
It was a disaster for the three men. Rick, weeping over their loss, said,
"Tomorrow, I will have my distributor go to the source and see what's wrong."
Three days later, the distributor told Rick,
"I went to the farm and everything looked fine, but I noticed a large flock of goats nearby. It seems they like the fragrance of the coffee beans and have a desire to urinate all over them. The farmer didn't want to wash the beans as he thought that would take the flavor away.
The end of the story is:
Rick, with his abrasive manner and poor management skills, wound up as a security guard in a canning factory in Alaska.
Ricardo, with his expertise in advanced math, figured out the trajectory of the dice and made a fortune in Las Vegas, throwing dice at the crap table.
Daniel, with his convincing verbal skills, started a talk show on religion and made a comfortable living.
You may ask. What is the moral to this story?
If you want to open a coffee shop, be sure there are no goats near the coffee plants.