Constructive Criticism Greatly Needed

Essay goal-say what unique quality I bring to my graduating class in 3 sentences or less.

Drawing is an enormous hobby of mine, and though I plan on bringing my expertise on this art form to the table in my senior year, I also intend to bring a multitude of other skills to the class of ----. I always persevere to finish my artwork (no matter how painstaking or time-consuming it is), and this dedication manifests itself in not only my commitment to illustrating (something I have done for approximately the last 13 years), but in my schoolwork and grades as well. Another quality that stems from trying to depict life as realistically as possible is my perfectionist mentality; I strive to do the best in both art and everything else I undertake, and these are the qualities I plan on adding to class of ----.