|Frank Upright was a dear old friend from my youthful Navy years,
A positive thinker he could use a chuckle to chase away the tears,
Frank's sweetheart and his trusted friend ran off and got engaged,
A favor to Frank as sad he'd been to spend his love life caged.
Frank drove his car down a mountain road, his worn brakes caught on fire,
Now he walks everywhere he goes and has lost that old spare tire.
Falling overboard on a pleasure cruise, Frank's prospects looked quite grim,
While kicking, splashing and fighting for air he taught himself to swim.
At a baseball game a dinger scored a whopping hit upside Frank's head,
His moderate IQ has more than doubled and his night sight is infrared.
Frank chanced upon an evil witch that cursed his poor soul to hell,
The torment caused him to search out God who blessed him very well.
While watching a furious lightning storm, Frank was struck by a terrific bolt,
Now Western Power pays him by the hour to generate every volt.
Hiking through the Cascade Mountains a Sasquatch cornered Frank,
Frank extended his hand in friendship, now we know Big Foot's no prank.
On a windy day, it's sad to say, Frank couldn't stay alive forever,
A freakish traffic accident forced his worldly bond to sever,
A semi loaded with feathers T-boned one packed with babies breath,
Frank ran in to save both drivers and was tickled to a laughing death.