Just putting it out there; Life with schizophrenia.
Another night, I lay sleepless on the couch.
My thoughts race ahead. If I should compare it with anything, it would be something like this:
standing near a road.
It's crowded with fast cars.
You're standing on bare feet, watching.
Trying to decide,
Which car to capture.
Because these cars are your thoughts, and you have no wheels to help you.
Sometimes, just sometimes.
A car pulls over.
You rush towards it.
"What is the meaning of your existence?" The driver asks before he moves on.
Another car slows down, and rolls down the window.
"What's wrong with you?" he shouts, while passing by.
So the thoughts keep moving on, if you can't capture the car, you don't get the answer to your question.
Always being hunted by shadows.
You only see them in the corner of your eye.
But they're there.
You hear the whispers.
Sometimes they even yell.
To others, it's like having a TV on,
inside their heads.
The fragmented mind is restless.
It never sleeps.
We crawl into our hiding spaces, away from noises, people and cars. Because sometimes, the volume around us, is too loud.
Some of us become creative; an outlet for the torn emotions, and dictating thoughts.
Music, art, books.
We become free, we liberate ourselves... and begin to live.
Quietly, but we're here, in the corners of the society.
Scared to be judged, because we didn't do anything wrong. We're not evil.
We're normal people, with a heavy weight on our shoulders.
Can happen to anyone.
At any age.
On any day.
It will creep up on you, like a monster from under your bed.
Don't worry though.
You will at times feel like your soul is falling apart.
But my friend, have no fear! You're not alone.
Don't be afraid to reach out