A satirical letter of complaint to the Government......
Dear Mr Cameron
I am writing to you with deep regret and anguish over an issue which is greatly troubling me concerning the United Kingdom, of which it is known that you are the Prime Minister.
As you are probably aware, it is the middle of July – a month which you will most likely agree with me is commonly known as one of the “summer” months. As Prime Minister of the United Kingdom I am not entirely sure however, that you are actually privy to the inference of the term “summer”. I state this as today, the 20th July 2015 – I have not actually seen evidence of the “Sun” at all! In fact, quite to the contrary, the South coast of the United Kingdom has been blighted with grey clouds, a chill wind and an abundance of rain.
I am sure, Mr Cameron, you will agree, that whilst this kind of weather can be expected in November – or perhaps March, it is totally unacceptable at a time when most British children have just embarked upon their “summer” holidays!
How can we expect to rise out of the recession and create economic boom when our weather systems will simply not comply with the seasons! Even our less financially fortunate brother and sister member states of the EU (such as Greece and Spain) have managed to largely overcome this problem.
Whilst I trust that you are currently embroiled in many other political battles, such as your bid to murder at least 50% of English foxes by having them torn apart by dogs and preventing anybody whose parents do not earn £80 000 per annum or more from attending university – this is a matter which is most pressing and which I demand is acted upon immediately!
I am calling for an urgent review of our weather system. The months of June, July and August should exhibit a minimum of ten hours of sunshine per day, rain to be kept to a minimum – and where possible dropped from the clouds at night to cause minimal disturbance to citizens, wind speeds should be less than 10mph and temperatures during the day should not drop below 17 degrees centigrade.
Your party wants a fair Britain, Mr Cameron – well we start right here, fairness in the weather for all. It is our right and it is your duty.
I eagerly anticipate your response,